Second Chances
by AnikaNicole
Summary: He loved her but he broke her heart. She tried to move on but he remains the only one. She loves him and she hates him for it at the same time. Now he's back to make her life a living hell. There will be lemons.
1. Predestined Meeting

**Predestined Meeting**

I struggled trying to make my way down the hallway without tripping over the people passed out and/or making out. _Why do come to these parties_? I continued my way down the hallway to the staircase; I paused at the mirror and took a long hard stare at my reflection. Despite my humble appearance, I knew I was gorgeous; long brown hair, deep brown eyes, I stood at a petite 5'4, slim waist and a nice 34C that accented my figure perfectly. The midnight blue Versace dress I was wearing was a tad short I admit, but I enjoyed being the vixen every once in a while. I headed down the stairs when I heard my name being called out.

"Bella!" I turned around and instantly wish I hadn't; there was Mike Newton looking utterly delicious making his way over to me. Yeah, he was sexy... dirty blond hair, green eyes, and a gorgeous body, but he was way too conceited; not my type at all. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me against his body.

"Hey baby, where have you been hiding all night?" He whispered in my ear. I inwardly groaned and removed his death grip from me. I continued making my way down the stairs with him in tow, like a puppy. I pushed my way through the crowds of people realizing that I didn't even know most of them and I seriously doubt that Alice did, even though this was her house. I continued to push around people trying to catch a glimpse of my best friend. Alice Brandon, the enchanting, mysterious heiress to Brandon Estates. Alice had short, inky black hair that she normally left spiked, it was a unique look but she looked gorgeous despite of it; I positively loved her eyes, a dark violet, they were beauties and like everything else about Alice, they were unique. She was a tiny thing, only 5'1 but had more curves than most women ever dreamed of having. Even though she was mostly sweet and cheery, she knew how to throw a wild party and we threw one every chance we got.

Mike was still chasing after me, trying to keep up as I pushed around people. I almost made it to the bar when I saw Jasper and Emmet. Jasper Whitlock is Alice's boyfriend; he is a very refined handsome, delicate almost, yet still handsome and he loved Alice deeply. He was 5'11 in height and lean, but in no way scrawny, honey blonde hair and hazel eyes. Emmet McCarty was standing next to him; 6'0, big and muscular and with dark curly hair. Jasper and Emmet were both loaded as well; Emmet's dad owns the Grizzly Automobile Corp. which specialized in customizing foreign trucks into the meanest machines you could imagine and Jasper's father is a well, let's just say you wouldn't find him getting too friendly with any cops; Mr. Whitlock specialized in creating the realest fake ID's in the country, often helping a couple of criminals escape their well deserved time in prison. Personally, I was the heiress to two separate businesses; my father was head of Swan Attorney Firm and my mother was a well known artist who sold priceless pieces to famous celebrities.

I walked up to Jasper and gave him a hug. "Have you seen Alice? I can't find her anywhere."

"She's probably out by the pool; when you find her tell her I wanna talk to her." Japer said. I nodded and was about to head towards the glass doors when I heard _his_ voice; I stopped in my tracks. I knew that voice anywhere, Edward Masen; Alice's cousin and my ex. Not that we ever officially broke up, but he made it painfully clear that he wanted nothing to do with me. We grew up together and I always had feelings for him, but not until high school did anything come of it. I was so madly in love with him and deep down I know I still am. He was my first everything; my first kiss, my first touch, my first boyfriend, my first fuck, and my first heartbreak. After we slept together we were inseparable. He used to tell me he loved me and that I was the only one and all that other bullshit men say to fuck you. That is all we did that year, fuck. God, he was amazing, he made me feel things that I never thought possible. He made me feel like a lady in public, but a whore in the bedroom and I loved every minute of it. As soon as he graduated he left for college. After that he never returned my phone calls, he never wrote back my letters, nothing. He was at my graduation, but I'm sure that is because he wanted to see Alice. He looked at me only for a moment that day and then never again, I heard he had a girlfriend. After graduation he was gone again, traveling Europe or some bullshit. That was when I was 18, now I'm 21 and at my best friend's party in the same room with the bastard who fucked me over for everyone else. Yeah I forgot to mention that I haven't even been with another man since him, since my freshman year of high school. A few make out sessions here and there, but no touching and definitely no fucking. He was the only one and I hate him for it, yet I love him for it at the same time.

I slowly turned around to face him and I instantly wished I hadn't. God, he was so fucking beautiful; copper bronze hair, piercing bright green eyes and the body of a God, he stood at 5'9 and there wasn't a single man in his dame house that came close to being as perfect as he was. Edward Masen in the definition of perfect; strong, powerful, classy, and did I mention sexy as hell? He was the envy of every man in the room and the eye candy for every woman. We locked eyes; he stared me down with some unreadable emotion trying to figure me out. I felt lost in his gaze and then I realized it... I'm fucked. All the emotions I tried to suppress came rushing back and I found myself even deeper in love with him than I ever was. He was no longer the boy of 17, now he was the man of 24; oh God, was he a man. I suddenly found myself picturing him on top of me, glistening in sweat, telling me everything I wanted to hear. Not only that he loved me, but that I was the best fuck he ever had. It was funny, I was always the innocent, happy cheery one of the group, but he made me the dirty slut I am deep down inside, inside, inside of me is exactly where I wanted him to be. I was still innocent to everyone except Edward, he knew me, all of me. I was brought out of my trance by the beautiful strawberry blonde headed girl clinging to his arm. I smiled at her and introduced myself and I felt his eyes on me the whole time.

"Hi, I'm Isabella Swan, but everyone calls me Bella." I shook her hand and saw her eyes sparkle.

"Oh!" From the surprise in her voice I realized she heard about me; from Edward I was hoping. "Doesn't your father run that law firm downtown?" Guess she only knew about me through my family.

"Yes that would be me." I smiled.

"Then your mother must be the famous Renee Swan! Oh my her work is exquisite, she's my favorite artist." A fan of my mom, how wonderful.

I giggled, "Yes that would be my mother. If you'd like I could have her paint some personal designs for you." Any fan of my mom's was a friend of mine, I personally loved my mom's art.

"Oh my gosh you are a sweetheart! Would you really do that? Oh that would be great!" I could tell from the sparkle in her smile she was genuinely thankful; she better be.

I smiled and waited for her to introduce herself. She was a pretty little ting and she seemed sweet, but I couldn't help but despise her. She had captured Edward's attention and by the looks of the diamond earrings with matching pendant, she had him wrapped around her finger for some time now. "Edward talks a lot about his friends, but I never knew you were one of them. Wow, you are even more gorgeous in person. I wonder why he never talks about you."

"Friends." I said bitterly and glared at Edward. He stared at me with indifference. God I wanted to pull him into a room and fuck him, then slap him, then fuck him again. I've built up years of sexual frustration because of that asshole, but obviously he has had no trouble at all.

"Blond, I figured you as more of a brunette type." I said casually, as if assessing his new girlfriend. He arched an eyebrow and smirked, God that eyebrow. Whenever he arched it I just wanted to throw him down and have my way with him. It was so unbelievably sexy.

"I decided to try something new," He said coolly watching me intently, "but I've always had a weak spot for brunettes, you know that."

I smiled sweetly at him. I knew my smile always made him melt. He used to tell me how breathtaking I was when I smiled. I looked back at his girlfriend. "Well, I'm sorry I didn't get your name."

"Tanya Denali, pleasure to meet you." Ugh Edward sure did know how to pick his hoes, I should know.

"Well, Tanya it was very nice meeting you. I must go find Alice now. I'm sure I'll see you around, but if I don't then I hope you enjoy your time here in New York." I turned to walk away when Edward's voice stopped me.

"You'll see her around for sure Bella, you'll see a lot of us around; I'm back for good." I could hear the cocky tone in his voice and I instantly wanted to slap the smirk, which I knew he had on, off of his gorgeous face.

I kept walking and made my way out of the double glass doors to the well lit up pool area. There were people drinking, having sex, snorting cocaine, the usual. I shrugged and found Alice lying on a raft in the pool ruining her Chanel dress.

"Alice, Jazz is looking for you."

She smiled at me, "Yeah, I'll find him in a minute. You know you shouldn't go in the house, he's in there."

"I know," I replied casually, "I ran into him and his girlfriend."

I saw the look of pity on her face, she felt bad for me; well I was rather pathetic. The beautiful, rich, heiress was still hung up on her high school sweetheart; pathetic. I pulled off my heels and dipped my feet in the pool. It was cool, but not freezing. I watched Alice slowly wade out of the water; she came and sat next to me, the silence was comfortable, but I knew she was dying to talk.

"So tomorrow we have that photo shoot?" I obliged her and lead her into meaningless conversation.

"Yeah, something for Calvin Klein. Don't you have a doctor's appointment?" She asked.

I nodded, "Yeah. An annual," We both cringed, "I wonder why they have us do photo shoots. We aren't models."

"You know," She started, eyeing me, "He asked about you all the time while he was gone; he didn't want us to tell you, he always wants to make sure you wear it."

"Oh?" I looked down at my right hand. "It" in question was a promise ring he gave me the night of his graduation. It was a slender white gold band with tiny diamonds encrusted and a gold heart in the center. It was simple, classy, and beautiful; it was all Edward. He told me he loved me and made me promise to never take it off, unlike his promise to love me forever; I don't break my promises. I wear it always and I'm sure he probably got some ego boost to see me wear it while he had his new girlfriend on his arm.

"I think he is still in love with you." Alice said, jerking me out of my mental tirade.

"I don't think he ever did love me." I said bitterly, glaring at the ring on my finger.

Alice shrugged and stood up, preparing herself to go find Jasper. I stood up also, preparing myself to get wasted. I needed a drink and badly. I followed her inside and watched as she quickly disappeared among the crowd of people. I slowly made my way to the bar and ordered a screwdriver; I downed it quickly and ordered another, then another. I turned around to see Edward and Tanya in a passionate lip lock; what fucking luck I have. His hands were all over her and her dress was riding up higher and higher, they would be fucking soon. I felt the anger rise in me, but I tried to suppress it. Let him fuck her; let him do what he wants. I don't care, I don't care at all. Yeah, he still loves me and has the best way of showing it, God, I am so pathetic. I decided to leave the party. I have a doctor's appointment and a photo shoot followed by some intense clubbing. I do not need a hangover nor did my heart need stomping on. I pushed my way past them, but made sure they heard me say, "Why don't you fuck already?"


	2. And So It Begins

**And So It Begins**

I stared at the plain white ceiling; there were a few magazine articles and some comic strips taped to it. The nurse was in the corner preparing for the inevitable, while Doctor Thomson was feeling around my chest making sure there were no bumps and what not. I sighed; I always hated annuals, I don't even know why I still have them; for safety reasons I suppose, I mean I still get the birth control although I haven't had sex since I was 15. I guess I do it just in case I ever have the urge to fuck some guy's brains out. Of course, I never have that urge unless the guy in question is Edward Masen. I sighed again as Doctor Thomson asked me some abstract questions about my family and my love life as she placed my legs in the stirrups. Like I really want to talk about how much profit my father has made this past year while getting poked and prodded in my vagina. Yeah, that's great. Luckily, the sound of Tila Tequila's "Fuck Ya Man" filled the room, my ringtone. The nurse handed my cell to me as Doctor Thomson inserted the cold instrument inside me.

"Speak." I winced into the phone. No matter how many times you get them, they are always uncomfortable and a little painful.

"Hi, um..," The female voice spoke hesitantly, "I'm looking for Bella Swan."

"This is her." I said confused as to who the hell this was and how they got my cell number.

"Oh," The voice instantly sounded cheery, "It's me. Tanya! I was wondering if you would like to meet for lunch or something, you know, just us girls." I was shocked. The bitch that I was supposed to hate was clearly trying to be my friend. How could she be so sickly sweet? It was insane.

"I don't know Tanya," I tried not to sound repulsed at her name, "I'm having a pap right now and then I am supposed to meet Alice for this thing with Calvin Klein."

"Oh please! I really wanna talk to you about Eddie." Yeah the bitch cut me off.

"Umm yeah okay I guess I can squeeze in an early lunch before I meet Alice." I tried to sound cheery.

"Wonderful. Can we meet at the Masen Hotel in about an hour?" Of course she wants to meet at the place that her boyfriend will eventually inherit, knowing that he was probably there doing some business upstairs in one of the offices or in the penthouse he kept which I'm sure him and Tanya were sharing.

"Sure." I sighed angrily; stupid bitch.

"Wonderful. See you then; kisses!" I clicked the phone shut before she could make annoying kiss sounds. I can't believe Edward would want someone like her; so cheery and perky and so much like me except annoying. What the fuck is his problem? I'm right here! I groaned and Doctor Thomson was soon finished. I dressed quickly and barely had time to make it to Masen Hotel.

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I walked into the large hotel lobby. I hadn't been here in years. In fact, I hadn't been here since Edward left after his graduation. I was irritated. I never came back here because it all reminded me of him. I lost my virginity in the penthouse suite which Edward kept for private use. I'm sure I wasn't the first girl he took there and I know I wasn't the last. I brushed back imaginary wrinkles from my short, emerald off the shoulder designer dress and draped my black cashmere sweater over my arm as I made my way to the restaurant.

I stepped inside the fancy restaurant and instantly remembered why I never come here; him. There he was in all his glory sitting next to that bitch of a girlfriend holding her hand and smiling. She was looking perfect in a crème colored summer type dress with her hair half up. I had to admit she had good fashion sense, not nearly as well as mine, but well enough. I pulled off my Dolce&Gabbana glasses and placed them in my purse and slowly walked towards their table with a fake smile plastered on my face.

"Bella you made it!" Tanya obviously noticed me first. I took note that Edward let go of her hand and stood to pull out my chair for me. I smiled politely at him as I sat down and he pushed my chair in. Then I froze. Did he just smell me? I could have sworn I felt his breath on my neck and his nose in my hair. I must be losing my mind. He resumed his seat next to Tanya and smiled at me, that gorgeous smile that makes me melt.

"So I thought it was just us girls." I spoke first, "Edward I didn't know you were into talking about fashion and sex lives and all that." I went to grab a menu and look it over and I noticed his eyes flashed to my hand, spotting his ring. I saw a flash of approval in his eyes. I swear he doesn't even have to talk to piss me off and make me want him to take me at the same time.

"I wasn't planning on staying. I just wanted to say hello to you," He smirked at me, "Is it wrong for me to want to say hello to a friend?" I fought the urge to burst into laughter. Friend? Who the fuck was he kidding? He hasn't talked to me in how long and all of a sudden we are friends again. Such shit.

"Well to imply that we were friends would mean that we would have been in contact in the last 6 years. Having your real friends keep tabs on me is not really considered friendship now is it?"

I saw his jaw tighten and I could tell he was getting angry. God I loved when he was angry, we always had the best sex then. I noticed Tanya stiffen and I smiled at her.

"I'm just teasing, him. Don't worry about it Tanya. We are friends, _good_ friends." As I said this I noticed Tanya relaxed, but Edward seemed to grow angrier. I smiled at him innocently and then I saw it in his eyes; a mischievous glint. I knew he was gonna get me back for this, but right now I didn't care.

"Well," He stood and kissed Tanya on the cheek, "I better head back upstairs. I'll see you later Bella." I just arched an eyebrow and said nothing. As soon as he left the waiter returned, I ordered an apple martini and a Chinese chicken salad while Tanya ordered water with lemon and a plate of tea sandwiches. She rambled on and on about how much she missed New York and blah blah blah. I wasn't really listening, I could care less. I decided to be nice and make conversation.

"So, tell me about yourself." I said trying not to sound bored out of my mind.

"Well, I just turned 24 and I have a degree in architecture. I enjoy traveling and spending time with Eddie. Eddie and I have been together for almost two years now." She was continuing to talk, but I blocked it out after she said two years. They have been together two fucking years. He loved her. He really loved her. To stay with her that long. We were together like 9 months if even that. Yeah, we've known each other for years, but we were only an official couple for his senior year. I felt deflated, but I was quickly snapped out of my thoughts by her next words.

"Tell me what he was like in high school."

I answered quickly, "Well, we were only in high school together for one year. I was a freshman and he was a senior. So I couldn't really tell you about his whole high school career."

"Oh, he's told me about most of it, but he avoids the subject of his senior year. Like something terrible happened." She responded, completely oblivious to my agony. And it hit me; he was ashamed of us, of me. He never told her about me because I was that terrible thing that happened. I was angry. More than angry, I was livid. How dare that asshole try to cover up our past relationship? I had a mind to tell Tanya everything, all the promises, all the kisses, definitely all the love making. Yeah, there was love making; most of the time we fucked good and hard, but there were those occasions when he was gentle and sweet and oh so fucking romantic. I loved those moments; like I was all that mattered to him in the world. I missed him so very much, that prick.

"Oh. Well it was senior year. He was busy with classes and colleges and graduation. It was important, but not all that interesting." I covered for him. I don't know why. He doesn't even have to be here to influence me. I seriously wanted to punch him in his gorgeous face.

She nodded and seemed to buy my lame ass excuse. I ordered another martini and waited for her next meaningless bout of questions. She caught me by surprise again when she leaned over and started talking in a low voice.

"The sex is great." She said. I stared at her in shock. I did not want to hear this.

"Oh please," I shook my head feverishly, "Let's not talk about your sex life with him. Hes like an older brother to me." So I lied. Unless "older brother" meant a super gorgeous ex that knew how to touch you in all the right places and could make you wet on command. She giggled a little and then nodded.

"Well, what about you? Who are you seeing these days?" She asked me.

"I don't date."

"What? How could you not date? You are gorgeous." She looked shocked. I bit back a laugh.

"I had a very nice relationship end badly once. I haven't been up to dating since."

"Oh," She seemed concerned, "Well you shouldn't let one guy ruin it for the rest."

"I haven't met anyone who meets my expectations." So I lied again. Well half truths I suppose. I mean Edward meets my expectations, but no one else does. Eh, whatever, it doesn't matter anyways. I looked at my watch and noticed I had to meet Alice for the shoot. After Tanya explained that Edward would be taking care of the bill, I quickly said my goodbyes and left.

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"So that bastard never mentioned you at all?" Alice said as she pulled her robe tighter around her.

"No," I closed my eyes and let the makeup girl do her job "it's like he's ashamed of me or something."

"I seriously doubt that. When you guys were together he was always so happy and bragging about how beautiful you were to everyone. When you weren't around, he wouldn't shut up about how much he loved you."

I sighed, "Yeah well what can you do? Things change. Unfortunately, they haven't changed for me yet. I'm still in love with that bastard cousin of yours and I'm in constant misery because of his perfect girlfriend."

Alice looked pained as they added another extension to her hair. I noticed that my make up was quite dark around the eyes. I wonder what the shoot for CK's new perfume was gonna is like. I closed my eyes as someone started brushing my hair. I always loved when people brushed my hair.

"Are you still going to the charity event?" Alice asked quietly.

"Of course, I told Carlisle I would attend with him and you should know that no one ever turns down Carlisle Cullen."

"But what about Eddie? You know it will look weird with you being his ex girlfriend and you going with the man he is supposed to inherit the company from." Alice said as she grabbed a pack of cigarettes off the table in front of her.

"So?" I scoffed, "If you recall, my ex boyfriend doesn't even admit we had a relationship. And what's the big deal anyways? It's not like Carlisle and I are having some torrid love affair."

"Well you know how jealous Eddie gets. He was always real possessive over you." Alice lit her cigarette and took a drag. "Have you ever thought about Carlisle in that way? We all know he thinks about you like that."

I laughed, "Bullshit. Carlisle still thinks of me as that awkward skinny girl who is in love with his ward. Anyways, I mean for being 40 Carlisle is gorgeous and has the body of a 25 year old. He's strong, successful, handsome, and smart. Who wouldn't think of old' Carlisle like that?"

"I know he wants you. I've seen the way he watches you whenever we go to those lame ass events. He thinks nobody notices, but I do. Maybe he realizes what a mistake Eddie made and thinks he could do better. I think you should give him a chance. Who knows, maybe he plans all those events just to take you."

I took the cigarette from Alice and took a long drag. "There is nothing to give a chance to. He's Carlisle. He treats me like a little sister or something. He has never once shown any affection towards me other than friendship. Anyways, why would he be interested in someone as crazy and unrefined as myself? You know for a fact that Carlisle only chooses the most classy and elegant of women."

Alice snorted, "Well maybe you should flirt with him anyways. It would drive Eddie crazy and flirting never hurt anyone."

I shrugged and handed the cigarette back to Alice. Our makeup was finished quickly and we were sent to wardrobe. They put us in skimpy slip dresses and sent us to the set which was just a white room. The photo shoot went rather well. The photos were done in black and white because we were supposed to look sickly, waif like yet sexy and I have naturally golden tanned skin. We were in odd poses, making our limbs look longer and making us look frail. It was a success.

***

I opened the large door to my huge mansion estate. Well, it was my parents, but they were rarely home so it basically became mine. One of the maids ushered me out of the foyer and pushed me towards the den. My parents must be here. I sighed; they never really paid attention to me or my sister anymore. When we were younger they were wonderful parents, but now they figure we don't need them. They are always gone on trips, whether business or pleasure, it is unknown to me.

I walked into the den to see my parents, my sister, and Carlisle Cullen, the king of New York. I smiled politely and rubbed my arm sheepishly.

"Bella!" My dad cried cheerily, "I'm glad you are finally home!"

"Hi Daddy!" I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. My father was a tall, attractive man. Very powerful and ruthless to those he did business with. I knew never to upset him; he scares the shit out of me when he's angry. I nodded at my mother, "Mom." My mother was beautiful. She always held herself well and made it seem as if she was royalty but she was ditzy, extremely ditzy and mostly into shopping, much like my older sister Angela. Angela was gorgeous, but wore way too much makeup and always chose outfits that were more than a little slutty. She had dark brown hair like my father and hazel eyes like my mother. She was a little taller than me and modeled all over the world for various designers. I gave Ang a knowing glance. She was currently all over Carlisle and he seemed completely oblivious. I smiled brightly at him, "Hi. Mr. Cullen."

He chuckled, "Bella you should know by now that you can call me Carlisle." His voice was silky and deep and I couldn't stop the light blush from forming on my cheeks. I figured I'd start paying more attention to him to see if what Alice said was true. Maybe he does like me. I quickly pushed that thought from my brain as I saw Ang wrap her arms around Carlisle in a hug. The hug looked more like an act of possession telling me to back off. I laughed inwardly.

Carlisle never took his eyes off me and I felt a little uncomfortable. He was staring at me as if he was trying to figure something out. "Your father and I were just discussing the charity event next week. I hope you do still plan to attend with me?"

I nodded, but before I could answer my darling sister decided to speak for me, "Carlisle, why do you want to take her? She's merely a child. She's barely old enough to drink. Let me accompany you instead, I would be a much better companion."

"Angela," My father spoke in a stern tone, "Mr. Cullen has asked Bella to attend with him. Stop throwing yourself at him likes some common whore." Did I mention that my father did not care so much for my sister? She was always throwing her money away and sleeping with everyone she could. She would put poor Paris Hilton to shame with the things she's done. I was the innocent one of the family, my father's princess. In his eyes I could do no wrong and according to him I was still a virgin. He approved of Edward and actually gave him permission to marry me, which scared the shit out of him for weeks; my father always trying to marry me off. I tried to stifle a giggle at the look on Ang's face. I always noticed Carlisle was trying not to smile. I excused myself from the room before the arguing began, which it would, and it did.

I trudged up the huge staircase to the third floor where my sanctuary was. I opened the double doors and waltzed into my room. I loved my room. When I wasn't out on the town, which was rare, I was usually in here. The room was huge and had lush crème carpet. There was a large bear skin rug on the floor right in front of the grand marble fireplace. The walls were soft blue with a touch of green. It had a huge walk in closet, some dressers, and all the normal stuff. The doors to the balcony were on the right side of the room near the fireplace. In the center of the room was my huge king sized canopy bed. It was made of a dark black and silver marble and had mirrors lining the ceiling. I had black curtains surrounding it because when I sleep, I do not like light, at all. The bed was covered with goose feathered pillows and lavender silk sheets. My bed spread was a huge white feather down comforter. My bed was literally my heaven.

I stripped off my dress and stepped out of my heels. I slid my thong down and made my way to the bathroom. There was a large door to my massive bathroom near my bed. My bathroom was all ivory and marble with a huge Jacuzzi spa like tub and a separate shower. I was glad to find that a nice warm bath was already prepared for me, bubbles and all. One of the maids must have realized how stressed I must be, especially after dealing with my parents. Even though they barely said two words to me, it's still stressful as hell.

I lowered myself into the warm bath water preparing to relax when I heard my phone ring. Not my cell phone, but my private number. I frowned, but decided against leaving the warm depths of the bath to let the answer machine get it. _'Hi you've reached Bella. I'm probably home right now, but just avoiding someone I don't like. So leave a message and if I don't call back. It's you.' _Beep. "Damn Legs, have you always been such a bitch? Anyways, I was just callin' to let ya know we are all meeting at Exposed at around 11. See you tonight!"

I giggled. The only person who has ever called me 'Legs' was Emmet. He was one of my closest friends and the closest thing I had to a brother. He was 25 and I met him through Edward. Emmet is Edward's best friend and has always looked out for me. At the moment he is dating this gorgeous model named Rosalie Hale. She is an absolute dream and a complete sweetheart. Believe it or not, my sister introduced them. Yeah, Ang could be a total bitch, but she has a sweet side and no matter how much we fight, I know she loves me and would never intentionally hurt me. Speaking of my dearest sister, at that very moment she decided to come strolling into my bathroom. She hopped up on the counter and crossed her legs, watching me intently.

"And what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked, not looking at her.

Her brows furrowed together, "Are you okay?"

I looked at her, "Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I know he's back in town and with that pretty little thing on his arm. I know you are still in love with him. I was worried." She said quietly.

I shrugged, "He abandoned me and now he's back, with someone else."

Ang got off the counter and sat on the edge of the tub, trailing her fingers through the water. "Make him jealous."

"What?" I laughed, "You can't make someone jealous if they don't care."

"Believe me," She said while blowing bubbles off her finger tips, "He cares. You do want him back don't you?"

"No, Yes, Yes, God Yes, but I'm confused."

"About what?"

I brushed my bangs out of my face, "Well, I was in love with him. I still am in love with him. I feel like I need him. I haven't been with anyone since him. But I'm terrified he will just abandon me again and anyways, he loves Tanya. He's been with her for two fucking years. I can't compete with that and honestly, I don't think I want to try."

"Then why do you wear his ring?"

"I promised." I spoke barely above a whisper.

"Well, All I'm saying is that maybe you should move on. He caused you so much pain and he's still causing it. I know he was madly in love with you once, I don't know if he still is. You should maybe give Mike a try. He's pretty hot, you know?"

I nodded and watched as Ang left the bathroom. I sunk under the water and held my breath as long as possible, hoping to forget all this bullshit that seemed to be happening to me. When I surfaced I looked at the clock. It was 8:30 p.m. I had a pretty long day and I was supposed to meet everyone at Exposed. I was hoping that Edward wouldn't show up, but I knew that was futile. Emmet called me, which meant that there was a 99 chance that Edward would be at the club.

***

I walked past the bouncers at the door and into the club. Exposed was my favorite. It was a 21 and over night club and all of the trust fund babies of New York flocked there. The music was loud, the dancing was wild, and the liquor was hard. It was my favorite club indeed. I was wearing a pair of open toed stilettos, a very tight pair of black leather pants that hung extremely low on my hips. So low that my little black thong straps were visible. I completed my ensemble with a very tight red halter top that left my back and stomach almost completely exposed and also shown a fair amount of cleavage without being too whorish. My hair was up in a high pony tail and curled at the tips. I wore a clear lip gloss and a little mascara. Dancing makes you hot, hot makes you sweaty, and there was no way in hell I was about to sweat eyeliner down my face.

I walked to the bar where I spotted Alice, looking absolutely fabulous in a midnight blue tube dress and matching knee high boots. Her hair was up in an elegant bun and her makeup was flawless. She always went dramatic on the eye makeup, but left her lips bear except for Chap Stick or clear gloss. I sauntered towards her and smacked her ass playfully. She turned and gave me an innocent peck on the lips and handed me a cosmopolitan.

"Where is everyone at?" I asked her as I took a sip of my drink.

She motioned to the stairs, "The third floor." She then grabbed my hand a proceeded to lead the way. I followed closely, taking a sip of my drink every now and then. We made it to the third floor with only a couple of men asking us to dance. We either told them to fuck off or completely ignored them all together. As we neared the back, I saw a blonde flash of hair and immediately sighed. The blonde hair meant Gwen decided to join us. Gwen wasn't bad or anything and she could be really sweet at times, but her and Alice loathed each other. It started two years ago when we met Gwen and she immediately put the moves of Jasper. Jasper flirted back harmlessly, but the damage was done. Ever since then Alice has hated Gwen and Gwen has despised Alice. I had to make sure that Alice did not drink too much or this would turn into a cat fight.

We made our way over to the table in the corner over looking one of the dance floors. Emmet was sitting there with Rosalie standing behind him rubbing his shoulders. Next to him sat Jasper with Gwen clinging off his arm. I could hear Alice growl, which made me laugh. She was always very predatory. Next to Jasper sat Mike, looking handsome as always in a black beater and a pair of blue jeans. He was downing shots of tequila with Edward, who was sitting across from him with Tanya at his side. Edward looked positively lickable in a pair of dark black baggy jeans and a red beater with a black silk button up shirt over it. He had his infamous black shades on and his hair was unruly. Tanya was sipping a cocktail and rubbing Edward's arm as he talked to Mike. I bit my lip and tried to put the jealousy down. I was gonna give my attention to Mike tonight and maybe I'd give in and fuck his brains out.

I stood next to the table, and said hello to Emmet and Rosalie. I took another sip of my Cosmo when I felt two hands on the bare skin of my stomach and the next thing I know, I'm sitting on Mike's lap. Mike smiled at me and stroked my stomach, letting his fingers trace around my belly button. I couldn't tell what Edward was thinking, his eyes were covered, but I smiled at him and said hello to Tanya. I leaned back against Mike and felt him kiss my bare shoulder, still never breaking conversation with Edward. I watched Alice walk towards Jasper and pull him out of Gwen's grasp and kiss him passionately. I smiled.

"Baby, you want a shot?" Mike offered me as he held up a shot of tequila.

I shook my head, "No. I don't do shots of tequila; when it comes to shots I'm more into blowjobs or jello shooters, even though I don't mind a shot of vodka or Bacardi every once in awhile." He smiled and took the shot himself. A waitress came over and he ordered some jello shooters and blow jobs for me, he also ordered a bottle of Apple Pucker. About 5 or 6 drinks and many, many shots later, I was sporting a major buzz. I wasn't drunk enough to be dizzy or act insanely stupid, but I was buzzed enough to be extremely happy, even with my ex boyfriend sitting across the table from me with his bitchy girlfriend on his arm.

"Who's up for body shots?" Alice yelled and threw herself up on the table, knocking over many glasses of alcohol. She stuck a slice of lime between her teeth and poured some salt on her neck. She then poured a shot of tequila on her chest. Jasper immediately went to work and everyone was cheering and having a good time. Except for Tanya, who looked mildly disgusted?

I nudged her side, "What's wrong princess? Are you not drunk enough?"

She glared at me, "No. I just didn't know that you and your friends were whores."

I laughed hard. I was laughing so hard I thought I would cry. I was just teasing and she turned all defensive and bitchy, I wondered what happened to the innocent girl that wanted so desperately to be my friend. I just winked at her and placed my hands behind my back, taking a blowjob. Afterwards, I walked over to wear Mike and Edward was talking. I grabbed Mike's hands and placed them around me and pressed my body into his. I wanted to make Edward jealous, I wanted to make him so jealous he would be seeing green; because I was his once, once, but not anymore. I wasn't Mike's either, but he was stupid enough to let me fuck with his head so he deserved it. Anyways, I knew Mike didn't love me; he probably didn't even like me. I have a nice body and that's all he wants. Yeah like he's gonna get it.

I smiled sweetly at Edward and licked my lips, "Your girlfriend is a wet blanket. She thinks body shots make us whorish. I suggest you get her to loosen up."I quickly turned my attention to Mike and traced my finger along his jaw.

"Dance with me?" He smiled and followed me to the dance floor. I felt his hands on my hips, pulling me back against his chest as he slowly grinded against me. I closed my eyes and let the music flow through my body enjoying him touching me and making me feel wanted. Every once in a while he would whisper something in my ear, but I really wasn't listening. We danced a few songs, his hands all over me while mine were basically in my hair or behind my head. I didn't touch him; I didn't want to give him ideas.

Soon we were back into the same position we started in, my back against his front, rubbing against each other. I felt cold all of a sudden as he left my body. I continued dancing with my eyes closed until I felt strong arms wrap around me. I pushed my ass against his crotch and ran my hands down my body to meet his on my waist. I felt hot breath on my neck and then he whispered, "That's no way to dance with your 'older brother'."

I froze, shocked that he was dancing with me and pissed that Tanya told him of our conversation. I turned around to face him and felt him pull me flush against his body. "Edward, why aren't you dancing with Tanya?"

"She's not much of a dancer and anyways, I missed you." I felt his breath against my lips. I was so fucking turned on. He pushed his hips into me and continued our naughty dancing. I felt his hands slide to my ass and grab it, pulling me closer to him. I was buzzed, but not drunk. I was sober enough to know that we should not be dancing like this, but buzzed enough to know that I didn't care. God help me, I wanted Edward to pull me into a corner and fuck me raw.

"Bella I want you so fucking bad." Edward breathed against me. I responded by running my hands up and down his arm and very lightly running my tongue along his jaw.

"Shit. Baby, it's been so hard without you. Fuck, I've missed you so much." He pulled me closer kissing along my neck. I tilted my head and closed my eyes. His lips felt so good against me. Leaving sensations all along my skin. I bit my lip. I was so fucking wet and I needed him inside me. He pulled back from me a little and stared at me. His eyes roaming every contour of my body and face. He ran his fingertips along my bare back, eliciting shivers of pleasure from me.

"So. Beautiful." Edward whispered and then leaned closer to me. He captured my lips in a searing kiss. Our tongues intertwining and trying to reach the deepest parts of the other's mouth. He tasted of whiskey sours, but his underlying taste was still there. Cinnamon and honey. It was a most enchanting taste. He pulled me closer to him, deepening the kiss. Trying to touch every part of me. It was filled with such passion and adoration, I was swimming in it. I didn't know when he took off his sunglasses, but I was glad he did. His eyes were filled with devotion and love. I thought the alcohol was playing tricks on me, but he was looking at me and kissing me as if I was the only thing that mattered to him in the world. I knew he was drunk, I knew he probably wouldn't remember any of this, and I knew that if he did he would say it was a mistake, but I didn't care. This was our night... my night. I wanted him, NO. I needed him. And I'd be damned if anyone stopped me. He kissed me again, so softly and brushed a stray lock of hair out of my eyes.

"Make me yours." I murmured. He smiled and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me off the dance floor. I had no idea where we were going and I didn't care, I just loved him so much and I wanted him so bad. We were walking towards the exit when I was quickly pulled from his grasp.

"What the fuck is going on?" Alice said, glaring angrily at Edward.

"We. I. We were just leaving." I mumbled trying to get Alice to let go of me so I could kiss Edward again.

"No. You guys are not going anywhere together. Edward, your girlfriend, if you haven't forgotten, is at the bar waiting for you. And Bella, You can't handle this. Especially not right now." Alice said concerned, and pushed Edward towards the bar.

"I saw you on the dance floor," Alice said quietly after Edward walked away, "Don't do this to yourself Bella. Don't let him break you again."

I frowned, "I wanna go home."

"Let's go." Alice said and pulled me to the exit. Alice drove me home; she was such an amazing friend. She would drop everything for me in a second and I would do the same for her. She had been the one to help me after what happened. She was my best friend and I would do anything for her, as she would for me. When I finally made it home I trudged to my room. I was exhausted and needed to sleep, but I couldn't get out of my head what happened. I knew this was only complicating things and I was confused as fuck, but I guess I'll just have to see what Edward says about this.

Soon, I fell into a dreamless sleep.


	3. Tough Luck

**Tough Luck**

"Get up."

"No." I rolled onto my stomach and pulled the blanket over my head.

"Get up."

"How the hell did you even get into my room?"

"One of the maids let me in. Now get up. We have to get going."

I pulled the blanket off my head and eyed Alice suspiciously, "Where are we going?"

"To Emmet's house for a barbeque," Alice tried to say nonchalantly, "To celebrate Edward's return."

"I'm not going."

Alice frowned, "You are not gonna lay around in your sweatpants, stuffing cheetos down your throat, and having a Twilight marathon."

"I was thinking more along the lines of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Purple Rain." I yawned.

"Prince?" She asked, looking concerned "Is it that bad?"

I shrugged, "I got drunk last night and had a major dance floor make out session with my ex boyfriend who I am still madly in love with, but unfortunately he doesn't even like me. Worse, he has a girlfriend who is just the sweetest thing ever and on top of that. I was gonna fuck him in a dark corner without a second thought. hell, I probably still would."

"Wow. that is bad. Well, don't think about it. He probably doesn't even remember."

"Yeah. that's gonna boost my spirits."

Alice rolled her eyes, "Just get dressed. You slept through the morning and we have to be at Emmet's in an hour."

I pulled myself out of bed and took a quick shower. I decided to wear a pair of tight, low rise white Capri pants and tight baby blue spaghetti strapped top that shows off a little bit of my flat stomach. I wore a pair of white flip flops and pulled my hair up into to pigtails. I was looking beyond adorable. Alice was looking sexy as ever in a jean mini skirt and a white tank top.

***

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

"Hello ladies. Everyone is in the back." Emmet's father told us as he answered the huge door.

"Thanks Mr. McCarty." We both said and made our way to the backyard. I followed Alice, as we made our way through Emmet's gorgeous house. Emmet was at the grill with Rosalie by his side, helping him flip burgers. Mike was in the pool repeatedly dunking Gwen, while splashing at Jasper. Edward was laying in a hammock reading a magazine with Tanya curled up at his side. This was going to be hell.

"Hey Alice, Hey Legs! Glad you could join us!" Emmet yelled cheerily. I smiled at him and nodded. I noticed everyone was looking at us. I tried to get out of the spotlight so I focused their attention elsewhere.

"So Mike. Gwen. is love in the air?" I asked coolly. Mike smirked and Gwen blushed profusely.

"You should have seen them at the club after you left last night. They were all over each other." Jasper said as he climbed out of the pool. I just winked at them and went to sit down on one of the loungers. It seemed like a good half hour passed with nonsense talking and what not, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and came face to face with Tanya.

"Hi Tanya." I said as happily as I could.

"Can I talk to you?" She asked timidly. I nodded and followed her inside; she pulled me into a deserted hallway.

"Stay away from Eddie."

"What?" I wasn't sure if I heard her right.

"I saw you last night. I saw you practically dry fucking him on the dance floor. Stay away from him." She said coldly.

"Tanya it's not what you think. We were drunk. It was nothing."

"To him, it was nothing. to him, you are nothing, but to you. I know you are in love with him. I don't know what went on in your past, but it's the past. Drop it and let him go." She frowned at me.

I just nodded my head as she turned to leave, before she completely disappeared out of the hallway I heard her say, "Bella, I will not tell you again."

I stood dumbfounded in the hallway for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only probably 10 minutes at the most. I opened one of the guest bedrooms to rest when I heard giggling coming from the hallway. I quickly hid inside the closet, hoping whoever it was they would pass by the room. It seems like fate hates me with a passion.

Edward and Tanya came stumbling into the room kissing each other fiercely. I had to suppress a groan, why is this shit always happening to me? Quickly they removed each other's clothing and were on the bed, kissing and touching. It was one of those horrible moments where you know you shouldn't look, but you can't turn away. No matter how much pain you are in or how heartbroken you are. you can't stop watching. His body was amazing and I felt as envious as he placed himself between her legs after rolling on a condom. I wanted to laugh. a condom. When we were together we never used them. I always wanted to feel him inside me. him. Not some rubber latex shit that made me uncomfortable the one time we used it. Nothing compares to a hard condom free cock. especially Edward Masen's.

I blinked away tears as he entered her, she clinging to him moaning his name. I didn't hear him say anything, just watched him pounding into her repeatedly. I was thankful I didn't hear what he said, if he said anything at all. I never wanted to know if he said those naughty things to other girls as well or if I was special. Soon they were finished and I watched him roll off of her and pull his pants back on.

"I love you Eddie." I heard Tanya whisper and I held my breath. I almost felt a bit triumphant when he didn't respond, but instead quickly redressed and left the room. Tanya took a little extra time and then left. I sat on the floor of the closet, upset and heartbroken and yet, I wanted to laugh. I wanted to laugh so hard that I would piss myself, but the laughter never came. just tears.

I went to the bathroom and washed my face before I went back out to the 'party'. I slowly made my way to the backyard and just stood there. Emmet and Rosalie were cuddling up on the hammock, feeding each other. Mike wad kissing Gwen on a lounger. Alice and Jasper were holding hands and talking quietly, and Edward sat at a table, with Tanya on his lap, playing with her hair while she was talking to him. In that moment I realized I was completely alone. Everyone has someone... everyone, but me.

I felt sick. I felt disgustingly sick.

I noticed Alice looking at me funny. She walked towards me and held my hand. Everyone else looked at me also, if I cared, I would have blushed. Right now, all I wanted to do was get away from everyone.

"Sweety, are you alright?" Alice asked me. I didn't answer her. I just tried to focus so I wouldn't be so dizzy.

"Bella?" Edward said in that beautiful silky voice, "Maybe you should sit down. You look a little pale."

I turned my attention to him. He looked concerned for me, yet he still had Tanya on his lap. Still twirling her hair between his perfect fingers. I took a deep breath and shook my head.

"I'm fine. I just. I gotta go." I quickly ran from the house as fast as I could. I made it to the driveway and froze. I came with Alice. I couldn't leave. I sighed in defeat and was about to turn around when I saw a pair of keys dangling in front of me. I turned around and saw Alice smiling sadly at me.

"Are you ok?"

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Take my keys; I'll get a ride with Gar. Just be careful."

I nodded and took the keys. I made it home quickly and locked myself up in my room.

***

I stayed in my room for hours until Angela came in. She sat next to me on the bed and hugged me tightly, running her fingers through my hair. She could really be a good sister. Most of the time she was Bitchy McBitch, but she knew when I needed her.

"Alice called. She said you almost passed out at the barbeque. What happened?" She asked, stroking my head softly.

"Last night. Edward and I. kissing. . Tanya. . everyone. together.I'm alone." I cried into her shoulder. She responded by holding me tighter.

"I'm alone Ang! I have no one. I'm alone!"

"You aren't alone. You have me and mom and dad and everyone. You aren't alone." She tried to reassure me.

"You don't understand." I started, but she cut me off.

"You're in love with Edward still."

"I saw them having sex in a guest bedroom. It hurts so badly."

She rubbed my back, "Maybe she's just a fling. You never know."

"Two years. They have been together almost two years."

She sighed, "Well don't get so down. You need something, or, better yet, someone to take your mind off it."

"I don't want someone else. I want him." I cried exhaustedly.

"Well you don't always get what you want."

"I know." I spoke quietly, "its over. and it's driving me insane."


	4. Old Sensations, New Prospects

**Old Sensations, New Prospects**

Two weeks. I have been avoiding everyone for two weeks. I haven't returned any phone calls nor have I let anyone come see me. After my unfortunate semi-mental breakdown, I decided to just let my mind recover. Who wants to have to deal with a depressed girl? No one, that's who. I applied a light shimmer lip gloss to my lips and dabbed them with a tissue. Tonight I would be seeing everyone again. Infact, I would be seeing almost all of New York.. Well, at least the rich and powerful. Tonight was the charity event held at New York's Natural History Museum. I'm not sure whether I was excited to go or not. I was hoping that I would be completely over all of this being alone bullshit, but obviously I'm not. I looked at the gown on the hanger and sighed. It was a gorgeous Christian Dior gown, a light bluish almost silver shimmering color. The front was tight in all the right places and was held up by a thin band around my neck, not showing any skin except for my bare arms. The back was completely bare and extremely low. From the back, the dress would start at right below the dimples at your tailbone. Basically, you either wore extremely low cut barely there panties, or none at all. I chose the latter. The dress had two slits going up either side to mid thigh and the rest of the fabric pooled at my feet. I knew the dress would look more than amazing on me, I knew I would have most of the male attention in the room. Originally, I bought the dress on some sick notion that I could some how win Edward back at this stupid charity event.. When I realized that would be futile, I decided to keep the dress because maybe I could get me a real man. One who doesn't bolt as soon as it's convenient for him without saying shit.

Yeah, I was bitter.

I slipped on the dress and my strappy crystal stilletos. My hair was up in an intricate bun with a few loose curls framing my face. I checked my appearance one last time before making my way downstairs. Carlisle was standing in the foyer looking devastatingly handsome in a black tux while making idle conversation with Angela, since my parents were gone again on another of their excursions. For some reason, Angela wasn't attending the charity event.. Probably to busy with the naked guy hiding in her bedroom... yeah, I saw him. I cleared my throat and they both turned to look at me. Carlisle smiled warmly at me and Angela stared at the gown I was wearing.

"You look absolutely radiant." Carlisle said and held his arm out for me.

"Thank you." I replied politely and took his arm as we made our way down to the limo.

The limo ride was quiet, except for the occasional phone call Carlisle took. I tapped my perfectly manicured nails against the glass window, watching the people scurry about doing shopping and what not. It was barely 7:30 p.m. so many of the stores were still open. The charity event we were attending was for the children's hospital. The elite of New York would be in attendance and I would be arm candy for the most powerful man in New York. Not that I minded so much, he does

****

"Carlisle, please introduce us to the lovely young woman at your side." Some older man that smelled suspiciously like Ben gay and rubbing alcohol said. I smiled at the older gentlemen surrounding Carlisle and took another sip of champagne. The last hour and a half has been spent with Carlisle's arm around my waist and me drowning myself in champagne. Carlisle has been introducing me to all the elite older gentlemen who he has done business with. I smile, but rarely speak at all. Yeah, I may be bitchy, arrogant, beautiful, and full of my self.. But I sure as hell know proper etiquette when it comes to these events. I am supposed to smile and look dazzling, while pretending to be interested in whatever the old men are talking about.

I looked around the grand museum hall and spotted my friends. Alice was looking beautiful in a midnight blue corset style gown with a black choker around her neck. Her hair was up in a loose bun and she was kissing Jasper on the cheek. Jasper and Emmet were laughing, they both looked dashing in their tuxes. Rosalie, Emmet's date, was also looking lovely in a crème yellow off the shoulder gown. Gwen, who was talking to Mike, was wearing a simple, yet elegant black halter style gown. Then I saw her.. That bitch. Who surprisingly looked beautiful. Edward probably hired a stylist for that little cunt. She had her hair down and straightened and the dress she wore was a shiny silk red tube dress. She had her arm around Edward's. God, Edward looked gorgeous. A tux really did him justice.. Showing off his lean, muscular frame and his broad shoulders. I was angry. I was feeling so much resentment towards Tanya, I was making myself sick. Also, I was jealous.. Really jealous. Why did he have to choose her? Or better yet.. Why did he leave me?

I noticed Edward was talking to someone I had never met before. He was handsome, very handsome. He was about two inches taller Edward and had messy black hair. His eyes were brown and he had a very strong body. He was one of the most handsome men I had ever seen, but unfortunately, not as handsome as Edward. The gentleman whose name I did not know locked eyes with me. We stared at each other deeply and then he said something to Edward, who quickly turned around and caught my eyes. I saw him look me over and then say something back to the other gentleman. I sighed deeply, even though they were my friends, I really did not need the headache of this Edward and Tanya's bullshit.

"You know he is still in love with you." Carlisle's voice in my ear brought me back to reality. I smiled bitterly and turned to acknowledge him.

"People have been saying that a lot lately." I said, trying to sound amused. It didn't work.

"Well, it's true. I know him as if he were my own son. I've raised him. You, Bella, are beautiful, intelligent, and perfect. Everyone knows this, especially him. Let him have his fling. He'll come back to you, trust me."

"Fling?" I almost laughed, "Fling? They have been together almost two years. That is more than just a fling."

"Maybe. In December I will be throwing them an anniversary party. But believe me, it is only a fling. Maybe you should consider having one of your own." Carlisle said while nodding his head toward the nameless gentleman that Edward was still talking to.

"Who is he?" I asked, taking another sip of champagne.

Carlisle chuckled, "I'm glad you're interested. He's Edward's old college roommate and a close friend of our family. Why don't I introduce you.."

I nodded and followed him towards my group of friends, quickly setting my empty glass on a tray and picking up a full one. I started to wonder what the hell Alice was talking about when she said Carlisle liked me. If he liked me wouldn't he be trying to get with me instead of trying to hook me up and talk me into having a fling? I wondered what the hell would cause Alice to even think that.. And then he held my waist tighter and pulled me closer to him when we reached my friends. So, that's why she thought that.

"Damn Bella that dress.." Alice said staring at me, "It's gorgeous." I saw Jasper nod his agreement and Emmet just smirk at me. At the sound of my name Edward quickly spun around and we came face to face. Whenever we locked eyes, I knew I was done for. His eyes.. Oh my God, they are like Heaven. We stood there, staring into each other's eyes for what seemed like eternity.. Not that I minded. Edward quickly averted his eyes when someone coughed behind him.

"Hello Bella, lovely dress." Tanya, the cougher, said. I knew she was full of shit, but she just wanted to look good in front of Carlisle and Edward. So I obliged her and immediately turned on the super sweet, cheery charm.

"Oh Tanya, your dress is absolutely gorgeous. Red is definitely your color." I said sickeningly sweet. I heard a chuckle from behind Edward and stepped around him to see.. The nameless gentleman.. Fucking gorgeous.

"Hello," He said politely. His voice was deep and extremely sexy, "I'm Jacob Black, Edward's close friend and old college roommate. You must be the infamous Bella Swan."

I simply arched a perfectly sculpted brow at him, "Indeed I am Bella Swan, but I'm not sure about _in_famous."

"Edward talked none stop about you in college." Jacob smirked. I looked to Edward who had a cute tinge of pink gracing his cheeks, but was pretending to ignore our conversation. Good, bastard. Always too cool and calm for anything and now he's blushing. Serves him right.

"Black.. That last name sounds very familiar." I said trying to make conversation.

"My father is a senator for the state. You may have heard about him on the news or read about him in Time or what not." Jacob said, his eyes never leaving mine. I was about to respond when Edward decided to be an asshole.

"Bella doesn't watch the news and we all know she doesn't read."

I turned around quickly and glared at Edward. He was smiling.. God why does he have to be so fucking sexy. I noticed that besides Alice and Carlisle everyone was trying to stifle their giggles. I grabbed Edward's hand, making sure to dig my nails in his skin.

"Excuse us for a moment, please." I said politely, before dragging Edward's sorry ass across the floor and into an empty hall. When we were out of hearing distance he quickly yanked his hand away from me.

"Shit Bella. Grips of steel much? You could have popped a blood vessel."

"What the fuck was that? Why are you being such an ass to me?" I asked, trying to calm my anger.

"Well Baby, I guess you just bring out the best in me." He replied sarcastically.

"God Dammit Edward, Half of the time you make me want to slap the shit out of you." I said irritably.

"But most of the time you know you just want to fuck me." He whispered in my ear, sending hot shivers up my spine. Then I realized what he was implying.

"Is that it?" I said angrily, "Is that all I was to you, some fucking play thing that you could have your way with? Was I just another conquest?" I was so fucking pissed and so turned on.

His face lost all amusement and he looked at me seriously, "You know I loved you more than anything. You were my life."

"Then why did you leave me?" I asked quietly, feeling my arousal completely vanish and my anger slowly turn to sadness. He stayed quiet and just stared at me. I felt all my emotions in turmoil. I loved this stupid son of a bitch, but I knew he was a walking, talking heartbreak. I knew that all he would end up doing is hurting me.. He already was. I also knew that he wasn't intentionally doing it, it's not his fault he fell out of love with me and fell in love with her, right? I also knew, above all else, that I was in serious shit cause I was so deep in love with him.. I'd do anything he asked me to with hesitation.

I finally broke the silence, "Do you love her?"

He didn't answer. He just continued staring at me. I felt my bottom lip start to tremble and I knew I was going to cry if I didn't get away from him. I turned to walk around him when his hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back against his hard chest.

"You look really beautiful tonight."

I inwardly melted. God, he could be such a fucking sweetheart when you least expected it. Well, I never expected it now, but once again there he goes surprising me. I turned around so I could see his eyes. We stared at each other for a long time. I wanted to kiss him so badly. I can't ever remember wanting to kiss someone that bad.

"You should stay away from him." He said, never breaking eye contact.

"Who?" I was totally confused. I was too focused on his perfect lips to notice anyone else.

"Jacob.." He said casually, "He isn't good for you. He'll only break your heart."

Break my heart! HAH! I seriously wanted to break his fucking face in. But I opted to be bitter instead.

"Well, now. He can't break something you already shattered can he Edward?"

I walked away from him and made my way back over to Carlisle. The night still had a long ways to go and I was seriously not looking forward to running into Edward again. Unfortunately, at that moment I was to run into someone almost as bad as Edward.

"Bella." The obnoxious high pitched voice said, full of fake cheerfulness.

I immediately put on the fake smile and turned to face her, "Jessica. How are you?"

Jessica Stanley was a very pretty girl. With blonde hair and crystal blue eyes, she was a sight to behold... mostly do to her nose job in the 8th grade. She is the daughter of some socialite or some shit. Her father was some world famous genetist. Whatever... she had the looks and the money and was as shallow as the rest of them. She always despised me because of Edward. She was, or thought she was in love with him freshman year.

"So," She said with a smile on her face, "How does it feel to lose?" She gestured towards Edward and Tanya. I inwardly frowned, but instead decided to place a big fat fake smile on my face.

"Well, I wouldn't consider it losing. I did have him first. Anyways, I'm here with Carlisle.. Who are you here with?" I asked nonchalantly, glad I could change the subject.

She brightened immediately, much to my dismay, "I'm here with Jacob Black."

I tried to hide the look of shock from my features, "Is he your boyfriend?" I tried to sound casual

"No, I'm not." He appeared behind me and he was awfully close, "I am merely escorting her. A lovely young lady such as Jessica shouldn't attend a party or event without a chaperone."

I rolled my eyes as Jessica blushed. He was so typical of all the other rich, egotistical men in the room. With all the charms and looks, but no actual depth. Just another playboy looking to add another notch to his bedpost. Knowing how Jessica was, I'm sure he would definitely be getting 'pussy' tonight. I needed to get a drink. Hard liquor. I was about to make my way to the bar when the announcement was made for us to take our seats at our assigned tables, so the speeches and recognitions could begin. I made my way towards Carlisle.

"Bella would you mind sitting with Alice and Edward? I am supposed to be on stage to help give some speeches."

"No Carlisle. It's not a problem." Who the fuck was I kidding?

I awkwardly made my way over to the table where Alice was and was unnerved by the fact that I would be sitting across from Alice, but next to Edward. To add even more humor to this already dire situation.. Jacob was on my other side. So I sat and looked around at the other various people. All the beautiful people. God, it is seriously like living in a fucking soap opera, except not quite as dramatic. Everyone is beautiful and supposedly perfect. I glanced across the table at Alice who noticed my discomfort. She smiled apologetically and I simply nodded in her direction.

The speeches and recognitions soon began and the room was quiet except for the occasional cough and the crowded applause or chuckles. I was downing yet another glass of champagne, reveling in how I could drink so much when I despise the flavor when I felt a soft caress on my knee. I immediately stopped what I was doing to make sure I really felt it and I wasn't completely wasted. I felt the warm fingers gently glide along my leg again, closer to my thigh.

I sighed.

I knew those hands anywhere. I was thankful my legs were crossed. I had no idea what he was doing. I felt his hand inch higher up on my thigh and then rest there. I casually leaned closer to Edward and whispered.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

He smirked, "Just be a good girl and uncross your legs."

I thought about it for a moment and looked at the others at the table. Everyone seemed to be engrossed in the speeches, even Edward looked interested, but I knew better. Especially when he nudged my legs open. I sat up straighter in the seat and casually uncrossed my legs. Immediately I felt his soft, warm fingers draw little circles on my skin, inching closer to my inner thigh. I was wet... really wet. The thought of someone finding out made me even wetter. Slowly I felt his finger glide along my slickness. I heard him inhale sharply. I guess he expected me to be wearing panties... oops. I quickly looked at him and he simply smiled while arching a brow. God, that fucking eyebrow. God, I wanted to fuck him.

I bit my lip as his finger brushed along my core again. I noticed his chair scooted closer to me and I almost gasped when he inserted a finger inside me. He slowly pulled it out and then stuck it back in, inserting another one with it. One of my hands held tightly to the table cloth in front of me, while the other grasped onto his arm under the table. Again, in and out.. In and out.. In and out. I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing. His fingers felt so fucking magnificent inside me. I was so fucking wet. His fingers must have been soaked.

"Are you okay?"

I snapped my eyes open and turned to the voice. Jacob was looking at me concerned, as was everyone else.

"Huh?" I had no idea what was going on, except the fact that Edward's fingers never stopped moving.. Infact, they were moving faster.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked this time. I simply nodded my head.

Edward looked at me, hiding his smile well. "Are you sure? You look a little flushed."

He inserted another finger and I had to bite back a moan. God, I wanted to slap his face. How dare he try to embarrass me.

I nodded again, "Yeah. I'm just a little warm. Is anyone else hot?" Everyone shook their heads and went back to the speeches. I dug my nails into Edward's arm and he smiled at me. He removed his fingers for a moment to rub then along my slit then immediately thrust them back in. I almost knocked over my champagne glass in involuntarily tugging on the table cloth. I spread my legs as wide as they would go without brushing again Jacob, and I felt Edward pull my leg over his. In turn, his fingers were able to delve deeper and I was in fucking Heaven. He kept his fingers in me and rubbed his thumb over my clit. I felt him hold me down as I almost bucked at the action. I closed my eyes again and let myself grind against his hand. I heard him try to suppress a groan.. Keyword try. I was so fucking turned on. And from what I felt from his lap, so was he. I was so fucking close.

The crowd erupted into cheers and applause as he rubbed his thumb over my clit again. I came so fucking hard. I could literally feel myself clamped around his fingers as my body shuddered. I let out a moan, which thank god was unheard because of the loud roars of the room. When I opened my eyes he was staring at me, and I knew he wanted to kiss me. He pulled his fingers out and I straightened myself in the chair again. As another speaker stood at the podium I quickly excused myself and headed for the restrooms.

Once in the empty hallway near the restrooms, I slumped against the wall. I was hot and flustered and still turned on. I heard footsteps and looked up to see Edward coming towards me. I quickly stood and before I could comprehend what was happening, I was pressed against the wall by his body and his lips and tongue were over mine.

The kiss was hot and sweet and his tongue felt so good in my mouth. He was kissing me with so much passion and longing, it was magical. We finally broke to catch our breaths and I eyed him.

"Edward. What.. What were you thinking?" I said, still breathing heavily.

"I've missed you. Your body, your voice, your love. Everything about you. God Bella, you've always been able to get me rock hard by just being near me." His body was pressed against me again, I could feel his cock against my stomach.

I kissed his lips again and then all over his face and nose. Just living for this moment where I could kiss him. His hands here in my hair and instantly, my bun came undone, letting him run his fingers through it. I moaned softly against him as he kissed me again.

"Come home with me." He said, his voice sounded so desperate and longing.

"I'm not some whore." I said quietly, as he kissed along my jaw.

"I wouldn't pay." He replied and kissed down my neck. I closed my eyes and let my head rest against the wall. His hands were no longer in my hair, one was on my lower back pulling me closer to him while the other was massaging my breast and tweaking my nipple through the fabric. We were broken from our little interlude by the sound of more footsteps. Immediately we separated and I went into the restroom to fix my hair.

I stared at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed and my lips were swollen. My hair was wild and my dress a little disheveled. I quickly smoothed out my dress and splashed water on my face. I put my hair back up into a bun and exited the bathroom expecting to see Edward. Instead, I saw Jacob.

"Bella. Are you alright?" He looked concerned again. Maybe he wasn't some playboy. He seemed sincerely concerned about me.

I smiled, "I'm fine. Just too much excitement for me. With all those interesting speeches."

He chuckled and escorted me back to the main hall where everyone was once again mingling.

"The speeches finished?" I asked the obvious.

He nodded and smiled at me. I noted how he really had a gorgeous smile. Dimples and all. I looked around and saw a lot of couples making their way towards the coat check, men still in conversation as the women put their coats on. I looked around and found Edward in a heated lip lock with Tanya, no tongue but heated nonetheless. God, he is such an asshole. He is with her for some reason.. Whatever that reason is. It better be fucking good. I frowned and turned away from them and back to Jacob.

"You're frowning. Are you alright?" Jacob asked again.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just sad to see the night end." I lied, but smiled reassuringly.

"I was wondering," He started and I noticed by his shifting he was nervous, "If you would have dinner with me tomorrow night?"

He seemed hopeful and I figured why not? Maybe he'll be the one to cure me of Edward. I nodded politely, "I'd love to have dinner with you."

He beamed and held my hands in his, "Alright. I will see you tomorrow evening at 8 p.m."

I nodded and we separated. Making our way back to our prospective dates. Well what an eventful evening. I got fingerfucked under a table by my ex boyfriend and asked out on a date by his ex roommate. Good times, Good times indeed.


	5. Consequences

**Consequences **

"He fingered you under the table in front of all of us?"

"Yup."

"And no one noticed or anything?"

"Nope."

"And then he followed you to the hallway where you guys almost fucked?"

"Yup."

"What stopped you?"

"We heard footsteps, someone was coming."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So, now you are going to dinner tonight with Jacob, his old college roomy who he warned you about?"

"Yup."

"Why Bella Swan, you are devious."

"I know."

Alice smiled and handed me her cigarette, "Well, Jacob is a looker. I bet he'd be a mighty fine fuck."

I took a drag from the cigarette and arched a brow, "Why Alice, Do you have eyes for another besides Jasper?"

"Hell no. Jazz is the only one for me. But I was thinking about you. You haven't had real intimate contact with a man, besides Edward's little escapade last night, in years. It might be good to get a nice hard fucking... Clear your mind, you know?"

"Possibly," I laughed and nodded, "But maybe I want something more than just a good hard fuck. I just don't know what to do about Edward. I mean he seemed so serious at times and at others it was like he just wanted my body. I don't know."

"He loves you." Alice said seriously.

"No, he doesn't."

"Yes, he does."

"No he doesn't."

"Well, he obviously doesn't love Tanya if he can cheat on her without a second thought." Alice offered, hoping I would believe he loved me.

"Well, he obviously doesn't love me either if he won't break up with Tanya." I countered. We stayed silent for a moment, just staring at each other. I would take a puff of the cigarette every now and then. I was never much of a smoker, but it always helped my nerves.

Our silence was broken when Angela walked in, tossing a little pouch of white powder to Alice.

"Here." Was all she said and then she turned to leave. Before she was completely out of the room she looked at the plasma and made a face.

"Seriously, Bella. You honestly need to get a new hobby." I looked at her confused and then glanced at the giant TV.

Lesbian Porn. Lesbian Porn on Mute.

"Well, "I started, "There is nothing like two naked women fucking each other with a double headed dildo to help me think."

Alice busted up laughing and went back to dissecting the white powder into thin lines on the little glass mirror. Ang just mumbled something incoherent and left the room. I watched Alice for awhile and then handed her a rolled up fifty dollar bill. She proceeded to snort three of the lines and then offered it to me. I shook my head and took another puff of the cigarette, thinking to myself.

Maybe Alice was right. Jacob could be good for me. Edward spoiled me for everyone else, but maybe I could move past him. Get over him. I highly doubted it, but I could at least try, right?

****

"You look beautiful."

I smiled. I did look beautiful. I wore a lavender tube style silk dress that stopped right above my knees. It was tight around the chest, but flared out past the hips, falling into different angles of silk that overlapped each other. It was a pretty dress and it was in my favorite color. It had a matching silk scarf that draped around my neck. I wore my hair up in loose curls and wore very little make up. I wore a pair of lavender open toed pumps. Beautiful.

"You don't look so bad yourself." I replied sweetly and Jacob blushed. He did look nice. Black dress slacks and a silky blue dress shirt. Very sexy indeed. I got into the limo and he got in after me. The ride to the restaurant was silent. He seemed nervous. I noticed more than once he was watching or rather staring at me. He decided to take me to Moi, an elegant and classy French restaurant that was booked months at a time in advance. I assumed that since he was the senator's son, he pulled a few strings.

We were led to a private balcony where it was lit up with tons of sparkling little clear lights and candles. I see he was going for romantic, because it was indeed very romantic. He held my chair for me as I sat down and then took his seat across from me. He took it upon himself to order white wine and our meals for both of us, not that I minded. Sometimes it feels quite nice to know you are being taken care of. I was also impressed when he spoke French. I would keep that in mind later if and when we get to the bedroom.

Naughty words. You've got to love them.

We sat in silence for a few moments and I decided to strike up a conversation. I didn't want him to feel nervous around me. I'm not some beast about to bite his head off or anything. And anyways. I'm nothing to be nervous either. I'm just a regular girl on a date with a regular guy.

"So. You and Edward were roommates?"

He nodded, "Yes. I had to put up with that ass all four years of college."

I giggled, "Yeah. Quite an ass he is. You guys are close friends, yes?"

He smiled, "Yeah. We still are close friends. I believe you and him were close too?"

"Some thing like that."

"You dated right? He mentioned you a lot."

"Yes. In high school. I was a freshman and he was a senior and after he graduated, he never spoke to me again until that party two weeks ago when we saw each other again." I sounded bitter.

"So he just left you?"

"Yes. He just left me."

"Wow. That sounds unlike him. In college, you were all he ever talked about when he wasn't having casual sex with sorority girls." Jacob had a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Casual sex?" I tried to say nonchalantly.

"Yeah. Sometimes three or four girls at a time. He had quite the reputation as a playboy. None of the ladies ever had any complaints, but he never had the same girl twice."

I tried to hold my temper down. So he left me to get fucking pussy. If he wanted a threesome or a fucking orgy all he had to do was ask. I was willing to do anything for him. He always seemed so happy with me, but obviously he wasn't. I could barely hear Jacob drone on about other shit, but I was pissed. Maybe he didn't think I was mature enough for him. Maybe he wanted an older woman to fulfill his needs. It was possible. Edward was almost an adult back then and I was still a girl. My body was still growing. Maybe I didn't please him. Well fuck him. Fuck him and all his fucking conquests and that fucking bitch ass girlfriend of us. I'm beautiful. I know I am. I also know that I was probably a better fuck than any of his other bitches. I'll make him sorry. Maybe I'll fuck Jacob for the hell of it. Oh, that would really piss him off.

I stared at Jacob. I could tell he was still talking, but I couldn't hear a thing he said. I was still wrapped up in my own thoughts. Jacob was very attractive, but unlike my sister. I could not do a revenge fuck. I was a good girl. Always had been. The only time I was ever naughty, it was in the bedroom. With Edward. I don't want to think about him, but I can't stop. Love is like a disease. It's not happy or cheery or baby kittens and rainbows. It's painful and dirty and twisted. Very twisted.

"Do you still love him?" His words quickly snapped me out of my mental trance.

"Huh?" I asked. Making sure I heard him correctly.

He smiled, "Do you still love him?"

I stared at him a moment. He seemed genuinely interested, whether in my loving Edward or just me period, he seemed interested. I saw something akin to hope in his eyes, hope for what? I did not know.

"Yes." I replied quietly. His smile faltered a little, but he kept it on his face. Then I realized it. He liked me. A lot. How could he like me so much without knowing me? I don't know. I mean the attraction was mutual, but I don't like him a lot or anything. He's nice, but seriously I'm not gonna fall in love with him after one date. Then I started thinking. If he likes me so much, how do I know he wouldn't make shit up about Edward? I mean he told me all that shit, knowing that he and I used to date, but then he asked if I still love him. What the fuck is that?

Dinner went by quickly. We didn't mention Edward anymore that evening and just tried to focus on each other's company. It was nice and he was really sweet. The limo ride home was quiet. I stared out the window, but I felt his eyes on me. I smiled at him and he smiled back. All relatively courteous. He walked me to the door. What a gentleman. Hah. And we stared at each other for a few minutes before I finally spoke.

"Thank you. I had a lovely time." I smiled at him.

"No, Bella. Thank you. I had. Wow, it was wonderful." He was blushing. I giggled a little and turned to go into the house.

"Bella," He stopped me, "I was wondering if you'd like to go out again sometime?"

I smiled again, "I'd like that."

He grinned. He really was gorgeous. I noticed he was fidgeting and I figured what the hell. I leaned it and kissed him softly on the lips. I felt him tense, probably from shock, and then relax, wrapping his arms around me pulling me closer. I parted my lips and brushed my tongue against his, and the kiss grew a little deeper. He tasted of wine and something else, all Jacob. The kiss was sweet and soft, but it wasn't like Edward's kisses. Those kisses left me breathless and turned on like whoa. Jacob's kiss was gentle and lovely, really. But I didn't have butterflies, nor was I wet beyond comprehension. It wasn't a bad kiss, not at all. It just wasn't Edward.

I slowly pulled away from the kiss and smiled at him. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

****

Two months passed and it was now mid October. Jacob and I continued to see each other, but did nothing more than kiss on occasion. Many times he was on business, doing God knows what for his father. We weren't exclusive, but according to all the tabloids we were headed to the alter. Pathetic. Right after we started 'seeing' each other, Edward left on a long business assignment and were gone for most of the two months. I knew he wasn't happy about me and Jacob, but he had no right to question anything. He was fucking Tanya, after all and all I was doing was kissing Jacob. Everyone, except Edward, thought Jacob and I were the perfect couple. That wasn't a couple. We had an unspoken rule between us. I don't mention Edward and he doesn't mention all the girls he's been fucking when he's not with me.

I think that arrangement was working perfectly.

Tonight Edward was returning from his long trip and we were all going to a club to celebrate. I was going to go with Alice and meet everyone else there. I wore a pair of tight black hip hugger dress pants and a black silk bra type top leaving my stomach completely exposed. I left my hair down and straightened and wore a pair of black heels. I also had on a little smoky eyeliner and some clear lip-gloss. I looked fierce. When we got to the club, everyone was already there. Jacob immediately came over to me and kissed me, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist.

"You're gorgeous." He breathed into my ear.

I shivered a little and then smiled, "I know."

I pulled out of his embrace and went to the table where everyone else was. I noticed Edward and Tanya weren't there and I glanced around, soon finding them together on the dance floor. I didn't pay attention to what Tanya was wearing because Edward looked delicious. Jeans and a tight white t shirt, nothing fancy, but seriously sexy. He still had on his shades, figures. His hands were all over her. I was jealous and I felt bad about it. I had a really nice guy right here, but I couldn't get _him_ out of my head. I shrugged off my jealous feelings when I felt Jacob wrap his arms around me, kissing my shoulder. I leaned back against his strong chest and closed my eyes. It felt nice; being safe and warm and. dare I say. Protected? Protected from what exactly. I don't know. But it was nice.

Alice handed me a drink. It smelled like Malibu rum, but I wasn't too sure. I drank it quickly, ignoring the burning sensation in my throat and let Jacob lead me to the dance floor. I danced up against him, loving the way his hands felt all over me. He was hot and he wanted me. I'm not sure whether I wanted him or not, but it was nice to make him feel like I did. I let my hands slide up under his shirt and caress his tight stomach. I loved the way his muscles jumped and clenched under my touch. Soon, his lips were on mine and we were kissing each other in a frenzy. It was nice. The kiss was more passionate than I was used to from him... maybe the old' boy had some fight in him yet. Heh.

Soon we both pulled back for air and we were staring at each other, both smiling widely. Before we could speak, Jacob was quickly pulled off the dance floor by Edward and the two disappeared down a corridor. I was tempted to follow, but Alice winked at me and handed me a jello shooter... alcohol is much more tempting. Alice and I sat down at the table with a scowling Tanya and took some more shots. I was starting to get a little buzzed and Alice dragged me to the bathroom.

I sat on the counter and watched as Alice pulled a compact out of her purse. Filled with coke. She used her pinky finger to get some on her nail and snort it. I watched her do that three or four times and then handed her a tissue. She looked at me confused.

I pointed to her nose, "A little eager? You're bleeding."

Alice giggled and wiped the blood off of her nose, she handed me the compact and I took two snorts of the white powder. I rested against the mirror behind me and closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling. She put her hand on my knee, causing me to open my eyes.

"That was quite a kiss you and lover boy shared on the dance floor." Alice said, wiggly her eyebrows.

"It was good. It wasn't as passionate as what I was used to with Edward, but good nonetheless."

"Speaking of Eddie," Alice said, smiling, "He saw your little make out session. He was livid. He completely brushed Tanya off and wouldn't stop staring. His fists were even clenching."

"So?"

"So it means he was angry. You saw how he pulled Jacob off the dance floor. I bet he's kicking his ass... and if not, at least having a stern talks with him."

"So?"

"Ugh Bella. I swear." Alice said and then laughed dragging me off the counter and back out of the door.

We were almost back to the dance floor when Alice let go of my hand and ran towards Gar, I was about to follow when I was pulled back and into an empty office looking room. I turned to my captor to find Edward, looking anything but happy.

"Hello Edward." I smiled sweetly.

"Bella."

His tone was angry. I was feeling good though so I stepped closer to him and played with the bottom of his shirt, while staring at him with large eyes.

"What's wrong?"

He stared at me for a moment and then sighed angrily, "What's wrong? You let that fucker have his hands all over you!"

"That fucker is your friend." I reminded him as I let my fingertips brush against his stomach. God, his skin was so hot and so tight and so fucking... ahhhh. Edward Masen was my version of Heaven. Yeah... we'll leave it at that. I noticed him shudder slightly, and I smiled. My touch still got to him.

"Bella. I don't want him touching you." He said it firmly, as if leaving no room for discussion. I felt myself getting angry. I dropped my hands from him and turned away.

"What does it matter to you? You have miss perfect. I'm no concern of yours." I know I sounded hurt and dejected. I didn't want to sound that way, but I know I did.

I felt him wrap his arms around me and pull me tightly against him. "She's not important to me, Bella. You don't understand. It's not that simple."

I twisted around in his arms so I could face him and glared, "So I don't understand! I don't understand! She's not important to you, but you're fucking her! Touching her! You get angry when Jacob kisses me, so what! I'm not yours. You made sure of that."

"Fuck Bella," He held me tighter, staring into my eyes, "It's not like that. It was never like that. You just don't understand, you can't understand."

"Then make me understand!" I was so close to tears, I could feel them, "Help me understand. All I ever wanted was to be with you! No one else has ever made me feel this way and it hurts so much to know that you don't even care."

"I do care." He said quietly as he started kissing my cheeks and nose and forehead, "I care so much more than you realize. There is just so much going on."

"Do you love me?" My voice was a whisper. He stopped kissing my face and just held me tighter. He didn't answer. Whether it was good or bad, I wasn't sure, but I wasn't about to find out.

I pushed him away quickly and headed for the door, I heard his voice, he sounded so sad, and "Where are you going?"

I turned around and stared at him, my eyes were filled with tears. I even felt a few trickle down my face, "Your silence says everything. You're right, I don't understand, but whose fault is that? You won't explain anything. You threw me away like I was nothing and now you can deal with the consequences."

I left the room quickly. I didn't desert his party and even pretended to be happy. I felt him staring at me numerous times during the evening, but I never looked at him. Never made eye contact. I was hurt. I was miserable. I was lonely. I was broken.

Love is a very twisted thing.


	6. A Love Too Strong

**A Love Too Strong**

I felt warm hands gently caressing the bare skin of my lower back. I reveled in the feeling. Strong, soft hands. Fingertips softly grazing along my spine. It felt so nice. I hadn't been touched so lovingly in a long time. The fingers continued lower down my back, slipping beneath my panties and tickling along my tail bone. My eyes shot open. I went to bed alone. Who the hell is touching me! I quickly turned over and came face to face with. _Him_.

"Edward?" I said sleepily. His face was so close to mine, if I leaned up a little I could kiss him. I glanced at the clock at it blinked 4:17 a.m., "What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

He smirked and ran his fingers along my stomach, "I've been gone for almost two months and we haven't spoken since that night at the club. You left your balcony doors unlocked. Tsk. Tsk. Bella. If I didn't know any better I'd think you left them unlocked for someone else."

I rolled my eyes and pushed him off of me so I could sit up, "Maybe I did. In fact, maybe you just missed him." I noticed that he was only in black boxer briefs. Why the hell was he only in that? I don't know, but I sure as hell was not about to complain. He looked so gorgeous. I swear he has the body of a god. I bit my lip and tried to avert my eyes elsewhere.

He leaned over me, kissing at my jaw. "Bella, you know I do not share what's mine."

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, "Who ever said I was yours?"

He pulled back from me and stared into my eyes intently, "Bella you are mine. You always will be mine and no one else's." He said it so forceful and demanding, leaving no room for rebuttal. I stared at him for a moment, searching his eyes for humor or mischief, but all they held was a serious glow. He was serious, I was his. His lips came crashing down on mine, his tongue running over my lips. I opened my mouth for him and let his warmth wash over me. God, he's a magnificent kisser.

Our kiss continued getting deeper, our hands all over each other. It was frenzied and passionate and absolute bliss. Before long we both were naked and his tongue was trailing down my neck, while my fingers gently caressed his rock hard abs. He licked and bit at my collarbone, eliciting a shudder from me.

"Tell me," He said between kisses along my chest, "Tell me who you belong to."

He took a nipple in his mouth and gently bit it, I arched my back and in a breathy voice I tried to respond. ". I. I. Be. Long... to... ."

"That's right baby." He slipped his hand in between my already slick thighs and pressed his thumb against my clit. I involuntarily bucked against him and bit my lip, trying not to moan. Soon two of his fingers were deep within my core, only elevating my need to have him inside me fucking my brains out. He slid his fingers out of me and brought them to his lips, darting his tongue out to taste my juices. Before he could slip his fingers into his mouth, I took his hand and slid the fingers into my mouth instead. So sweet and tangy, definitely all me. I stared into his eyes as I continued to lick and suck at his fingers, and his cool ice blue eyes soon turned to a midnight hue with passion and desire.

Before long he flipped us, so he was on his back and I was on top of him, my wetness rubbing against his hard cock. God, I missed it. It was big, thick, juicy and always felt so fucking good when it was inside me. I could never get enough of it. When it came to Edward Masen... I was insatiable.

He lifted me by my hips, I forgot how strong he was, but God did I love being in his arms and even with me on top, he was still in control. He slowly lowered me down onto his throbbing hardness and I closed my eyes and savored the moment. He was stretching me to my limits and I could hear him groaning.

"God, Baby," His eyes were closed as he thrust deeply into me, "You are so wet and so fucking tight." I felt his hands grip onto my hips tighter as I slowly rose almost completely off of him and then sank myself down again. I pressed my hands against his well defined chest to help balance me, as I slowly rode him.

Soon we were both moaning and grunting, with a few naughty words mixed in. I would occasionally whisper how much I loved to be fucked by him, and he would almost religiously answer with how much he missed me and my wonderful body. He would tell me how this was so much better than he remembered and how I am beautiful in every way imaginable.

Before long, I was so close and I knew he was too. We were both quivering uncontrollably and yet, instead of speeding up the process. We slowed down to an almost agonizing pace. Our bodies were both dripping with sweat, the only sound besides our heavy breathing was the slickness of our skin slapping against each other.

I could feel the tenseness in my stomach as I unconsciously held my breath. I closed my eyes and with one moan of his name, I came. I came hard. I was shuddering and digging my nails into the flesh of his biceps. He held me tighter and pulled my face down to his. He was whispering, "That's it baby. Come for me. Come all over me. Show me how much you love me." Along with other words I couldn't comprehend in my state of eternal bliss. I kissed him deeply. Pouring all of my passion, desire, and love into it. He kissed me back with an equal amount of adoration and devotion and soon I felt his body tense. He let out a loud guttural moan of my name and came inside me. I loved that feeling. His cock tense and jerking inside me as he released his seed... always a turn on.

He stayed inside me as I laid my head on his chest. He ran his fingertips along my back and held me closer. I was exhausted. I hadn't had sexual contact with a man, or actual intercourse, in six years. It was better than I remembered... he was better than I remembered. I closed my eyes and let a small smile grace my face. I was in Heaven. With the man I loved. I could feel his breathing begin to even out, but before he was completely asleep I heard him whisper the words I longed to hear. "I love you, Bella."

****

I looked at the clock. I was gonna be late to Alice's Halloween party. This morning when I woke up, I was alone. I didn't mind so much because I knew I'd be seeing Edward again tonight at the party. I was excited to see him again, even if I couldn't openly fuck him in front of everyone. It was still nice just to be near him. I wasn't sure what his costume was going to be, but I'm sure he'd look delicious in anything he wore. And, my plan for the party? Well, my costume would be eye-catching no doubt... extremely sexy. I was the innocent of the group. And that was my plan. To be innocent.

I would be an angel. I smiled at the thought... because no angel ever looked as fuckable as I did. I left my hair down and straightened, and my face had no makeup except for a little glitter and some baby pink eye shadow with matching lip gloss. I wore a white lace bra that hid very little to the imagination, and showed off the glorious curves of my breasts. I had on a matching pair of white lace bikini cut panties with a very thin, sheer white skirt over it. That barely went to mid thigh. I wore a pair of white open toed three inch heels that had long strings that tied all the way up to my thighs. To complete the look of "angel" I wore a diamond studded choker around my neck and an enormous pair of feathered wings on my back. Much like a Victoria's Secret runway model. I was stunning and I knew it.

When I showed up at the party. It was already in full swing. As I made my way through the crowds of people, I noticed that everyone would stop and stare at me. I enjoyed the attention. There are times when all women enjoy attention, especially the attention bestowed upon them by the opposite sex. I was no different. I found Alice, who was dressed as a naughty school girl. Very befitting of her. She looked gorgeous, as always, and even Jasper looked cute as a "nerd", which was a fitting costume except for the fact that his muscles were clearly visible through the tight white button up shirt he was wearing. I thought that the pocket protector and the black rimmed glasses were a nice touch. I don't speak of it often, but Jasper's attractive though not nearly as fit as Edward, Jacob and definitely Emmet. Those men seem like they live in the gym.

Speak of the Devil... literally. Emmet was dressed in a red tuxedo with matching red horns. Very nice. I chuckled inwardly because Victor was one of the nicest men I knew, never raised his voice to me once. Rosalie was dutifully on his arm in a matching devilish red dress. She looked good with the little horns and red glitter. I noticed Mike and Gwen dressed as Cleopatra and Mark Antony and I began to wonder if all of our friends came as matching couples. I frowned because, if that were true, then Edward and Tanya would no doubt be matching each other and on top of that, I never told Jacob what my costume was going to be.

I spotted Edward and Tanya. They looked dashing as a roaring twenties couple, Edward in a pin-striped suit with a matching hat and Tanya in a gold flapper style dress. She was on his arm and I noted, with resentment, that they really complimented each other. She looked gorgeous on his arm, and he just looked perfect. They were a beautiful couple, perfect in every way. And that thought left a bitter taste in my mouth. I wasn't ashamed about what happened in the early hours of the morning in my bedroom, nor was I embarrassed. I was elated. I was happy. Happier than I had been in a long time, but now. Seeing them together I felt sadness and desperation. I watched them together for a few moments and then I saw Jacob, dressed as a Prince; walk up to Richard, chatting casually with a pretty blonde dressed as Marilyn Monroe at his side. I smiled at seeing Jacob dressed as a "Prince Charming" type character. Powder blue cape, golden crown and all. He looked dashing and I was surprised to realize that I wasn't in the least jealous when he kissed the blonde. Well at least I didn't have to feel bad about fucking Edward because I was sure that before the night was over, Jacob would be fucking "Marilyn". I put a fake smile on my face and made my way towards the group. Tanya noticed me first and I saw her gape at my outfit.

"Tanya, do you not like my choice of costume?" That little question caught Jacob and Edward's attention and they both turned to face me. Jacob's eyes became wide and his jaw dropped. I smiled prettily at him and then turned my attention to Edward. He stared at me, his eyes roaming over my body and then he smirked, his green eyes tinting with a hidden desire.

"You're a goddess."Jacob finally got out.

"No," I teased him playfully, "I'm an angel."

"Aren't you cold?" Tanya asked rudely. I ignored her tone of voice and just smiled and shook my head 'no'. I watched Edward watch me for a few minutes, the sexual tension was thick and I was hopeful no one else would notice it. We locked eyes and just stared at each other, I couldn't break his gaze nor could he break mine. We were both brought out of our haze when Tanya tugged on Edward's hand. He, in return, bent down and kissed her deeply. I watched them kiss for a few moments longer, noticing the look of love in Tanya's eyes once they separated. I tried not to let my discomfort show and smiled at them. Edward wouldn't look at me. It was almost as if he was avoiding me... Did he regret what happened between us?

Suddenly, I didn't want to be at the party.

I politely excused myself from them and went upstairs to one of the guest rooms. I plopped myself down on the bed and sighed. I was hurt and angry and upset. Why? Why? Why? Why out of all the men in New York, did that one had to steal my heart and never give it back? Why did he say he loved me last night? Why is he still with her! I knew him better than anyone, we were soul mates. Or so I thought. But perhaps I was wrong. I knew him, the old him, the fun him. And she knows the newer him, the one who is overly arrogant and cocky, but still as passionate as ever. I'd be lying if I wasn't jealous, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to cry.

I didn't notice that he came into the room until I felt his hand on my shoulder. I jumped and quickly turned around.

"Edward you scared me."

"I didn't mean to." He said quietly, "Are you alright?"

I studied him for a minute, his strong, handsome face and beautifully sculpted body. "No, I'm not alright." He said nothing and we sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity, finally I couldn't take it.

"Why did you say you loved me last night?"

He seemed shocked by my outburst. His eyes went wide in a disbelieving manner. I watched him, waiting for his response. He composed himself again and looked at me.

"I said that out loud?"

I wanted to laugh, but I didn't. I nodded.

"You weren't supposed to know." His voice was barely audible.

"Why? Why can't I know?" I asked, feeling myself get angry.

He held my hands in his and stared into my eyes. "I love you Bella. I love you more than you could ever imagine." I felt my heart soar at his words, but then I saw the look that came upon his face and I knew I was gonna get my heart broken again, "But we can't be together. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. So spontaneous and not in control. You know me Bella; I have to be in control. You know that. And you, just being with you, all my control get thrown out the window. I can't handle that. I can't be that. You know I need to have order and control in my life, you know that more than anyone."

"Do you love Tanya?" I asked without realizing.

He sighed, "No. I could never love anyone but you. I care about her and she's good to me, for me. I don't lose control around her, I don't feel the urge to do throw caution to the wind and just blow everyone off for her, like I do with you."

"So because you are scared of your feelings. You can't be with me?" My voice cracked, I felt ashamed for showing weakness in front of him.

"Bella. I wish things were different."

I cut him off, "So what was last night? You can't do this to me! You can't! You can't pretend like you feel nothing and then come to me in the middle of the night! You can't do that! You can't and you know I would never refuse you. You know how much I love you, how much I've always loved you! You can't do this to me! It's not fair!"

He wrapped his arms around me and held me against his chest, "I'm sorry Baby. I'm sorry."

"Don't." My voice cold, "Don't you dare call me that!"

I pulled away from him and stood up, adjusting my skirt and smoothing over my hair. He watched me; I could feel his eyes burning into me.

"If this is what you want," My voice was filled with angst and despair, "Then I won't try to change your mind. I hope you can be happy, but more than anything. I hope you realize the huge mistake your making."

I looked at him and felt horrible. His eyes were glazed with unshed tears and he looked so forlorn. "I'll always love you Isabella Swan."

I smiled bitterly and nodded my head, "You'll always have my heart, Edward Masen. For I love you more than you could ever know." He turned and left the room and I stood there for a few minutes, soaking it all in.

I felt numb.

I sat back down on the bed and absently ran my fingers through my hair. It is depressing when two people love each other and can't be together. But even more so, when it's the choice of one of the two that caused this horrible ordeal in the first place. Who cares about control? Who cares as long as we're together?

But he cares. And that's part of the reason I love him. Damn him, Damn him to hell. I put a cheerful mask on my face and proceeded to head back to the party. My life was miserable, I was broken. But sometimes you have to keep the smile on your face.

No matter how much you want to curl up and die.


	7. Holiday Cheer

**Holiday Cheer**

"I brought you a gift."

I whirled around to see Jacob, standing in the doorway to my room with his eyes glittering. He had a smile on his face that made him even more handsome, if that were possible. I ran over to him and hugged him tightly. It was now December and we were to attend the anniversary party of Edward and Tanya this evening. Edward and I hadn't spoken to each other in private since that night. Besides longing glances and sad eyes, we really never spoke to each other at all. I was angry and I was still very upset over the whole ordeal, but I was slowly warming up to Jacob. We've spent more and more time together and have become unofficially official. He was gone for awhile, in Washington, attending to some business with his father. Although we have become extremely close, we still haven't done anything more than an occasional "make-out" session. I didn't want to sleep with him, knowing how much he cares for me... with Edward still on my mind. It isn't fair to Jacob and although I can be one of the biggest bitches around, I do not like to break hearts. I know what it feels like and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I kissed him chastely on the lips, "You don't need to bring me presents."

"I wanted to." He pulled back from me a little and held a slender box out in front of him.

I opened the box and my eyes widened. A diamond tennis bracelet. At least 10 carats of diamonds in platinum. I beamed. "It's beautiful. Oh my god, Jacob. It's gorgeous."

"You're gorgeous." He pulled the bracelet out and clasped it on my wrist, kissing my hand when he was finished. "It doesn't nearly do your beauty justice, but nothing ever could."

I bit my lip and I could feel my cheeks redden. I was not one to blush easily, but with his slick compliments I found myself blushing more and more in his presence. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, sliding my tongue into his mouth and pressing my body against his. His hands firmly held onto my waist and pulled me closer to him. I was swimming in his kiss. Yes, it didn't hold the fire or passion that Edward's held for me, but Jacob's kisses were slowly working their way into my heart.

I ran my fingers over his chest and started fiddling with his buttons. I had planned not to sleep with him yet, but I was finding it harder and harder to resist. He slowly pulled away and smiled at me. "Come on; let me take you to lunch."

****

"So how was business with your father?" I asked as I took a sip of my water.

"Same old thing every time. He's expecting me to go into politics as well." He sighed.

"It must be hard, having to live up to the expectations of others."

"Yes. He expects me to follow in his footsteps or even become president. My mother is already hounding me for grandchildren. I'm 24 years old, I don't need to worry about kids right now, you know? We're young. We should be having fun." He grinned and took a sip of his scotch.

I smiled, "Yes well. Mothers are mothers. And she loves you; she just wants to see you happy."

He leaned over the table and took my hands in his, "You make me happy."

I blushed and replied, "You make me happy too." I saw the way he looked at me then, with desire and need in his eyes. I liked feeling wanted and needed and desired. It's a nice feeling. We locked eyes for a moment and just stared at one another. Within minutes we finished our lunch and were out the door.

****

I pulled at his jacket and shirt, trying to get them off as quickly as possible. His hands were roaming over my body, pulling me closer to him as our tongues fought in a battle of dominance. Quickly my cashmere sweater was pulled over my head and my jean skirt was dropped to the floor. He stared at me hungrily, his eyes trailing over my barely covered form.

"God you are beautiful."

I smiled and slowly ran my fingers over my bra, unhooking the front and sliding it off my body. His eyes were hazy with lust and he traced his fingers along my stomach, under my breasts. I took in his form. His nice muscular chest and visible abs. Gorgeous. He still wore his pants, unfortunately, but I'm sure I could ride him of those soon enough.

He slowly dropped to his knees in front of me and left searing kisses along my legs. I felt my breath hitch as he slowly ran his tongue along my thighs, inching closer and closer to my panty covered sex. Without warning I felt hot, wet kisses against my mound, my knees almost buckled on the spot. He ran his tongue up to my hips and gripped the hem of my panties with his teeth, yanking them down as quickly as he could.

He stared at me for a moment. His eyes drinking in my entirely naked form. From my round supple breasts to my freshly shaved pussy. I watched as he licked his lips and gently placed my leg over his shoulder, opening myself up to him. I braced my hands on his shoulder and my leg and he slowly nipped at my inner thighs. Before I could register what was happening, his tongue was deeply inside me. He licking and tasting me to my very core, trying to get as deep as possible. I leaned against him and slowly moved my hands to his hair, running my fingertips through it. He continued to probe me with his tongue as I basically fucked his face.

"You taste fucking incredible." He breathed in-between kisses to my wet slit. I moaned in response and continued to rub myself against his heavenly tongue. I could feel my legs getting weaker and weaker and I knew I was going to collapse soon. The pleasure was too much, I could barely handle it.

". JA…Jacob. I... I... I can't.. It's too... good." I practically begged as he sucked on my clit. He quickly picked me up in his arms and led me towards his bed. He laid me gently on the bed and immediately placed his head between my thighs, licking and suckling on me like I was the best thing he had ever tasted. He wrapped his arms around my thighs, spreading me wider for himself and pulling me closer to his mouth. I could live like this forever.

"God, Baby. You are so wet and taste so good. "

From his words I felt my stomach tighten and I knew I was close. That tension and need that was boiling in-between my legs was so close I could almost taste it. He slowly ran his tongue alone my clit and that did it? My fingers were holding onto the bed sheets for dear life. I moaned out his name loudly and came all over him. My body shuddered and he held me down and continued to lick at me until I came down from my orgasmic high. I closed my eyes and tried to get my erratic breathing back to normal. Once it is somewhat normal I open my eyes to see Jacob above me staring at me intently.

I get a little nervous, "What?"

"You are so amazing and beautiful and perfect." He whispers and grins. I smile brightly in return and sit up. I run my fingers along his face and bring it closer to me, kissing him deeply. I can taste myself on him and I explore further into his mouth, trying to taste him. His hands are roaming along my chest, tweaking and pinching my nipples as I fumble with the zipper on his pants.

Knowing my frustration with his pants he pulls them alone with his boxers off for me, I gave him an appreciative smile and wrap my hand around his hardened length. I slowly stroke him, marveling in the display of emotions across his face. He truly is beautiful. He searches for my lips and then kisses me deeply, once again lighting a fire in the pit of my stomach.

I lay back onto the bed and he pulls a Trojan out of his nightstand before he positions himself over me, kissing and nipping at my lips and chin. I feel his engorged head rubbing at my entrance, and my legs spread wider in response. I want him... no, I need him inside me. I'm so hot and wet. He slides into me gently, groaning in the process. I arch my back in response and he slowly, almost painfully pulls himself out completely before slamming back into me with force. I moan out in surprise, shocked at the display of power. He rams into me repeatedly, with more force and determination each time. I could feel his sweat dripping onto my body. He was mumbling incoherent words that I wasn't really paying attention to. I was almost there... just a few more thrusts. I feel him tense and I know he's gonna come. He groans what suspiciously sounds like my name and the words 'baby' and 'tight', all the other words are jumbled grunts, as he comes hard, holding me tightly against him.

I instantly stilled... What the fuck just happened?

After a few moments, he collapsed next to me and kissed my forehead softly. I was unfulfilled and angry enough to cry, being so close but not getting it. He wrapped a blanket around him and kissed me again.

"I love you."

I froze. I felt my heart stop and I knew I was fucked in more ways than one. I let my feelings for Edward get out of hand and now, I've completely screwed over Jacob and he says he loves me. Hopefully, it's just an orgasmic induced statement and not some sort of deep seeded confession. I waited until his breathing evened out and I slipped from the bed. I quickly cleaned up and dressed, trying to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. I scribbled a quick note about meeting him at the party and left. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into.

All I knew was... this cannot be good.

****

"Hello?"

"Where are you?"

"Hello to you too Alice. I'm at home."

"You need to get your ass to this party. Edward and Jacob have been asking where you have been all night."

"I'm not going."

"Bella you better have your ass here within 30 minutes or I'm going to get you." Before I could respond, she hung up.

I got up and trudged towards my huge walk in closet. I grabbed a simple, but elegant burgundy cocktail dress. It was strapless and the bodes was extremely tight. It flared out a little at the waist and ended at the knees. I wore matching strappy heels and a black choker around my neck. I twisted my hair up into an elegant upsweep, and left a few tendrils framing my face. I wasn't going to stand out and try to get anyone's attention, nor did I even want anyone's attention. At the moment, all I wanted was to crawl into a hole and never come out. Also, even though I am deeply in love with Edward and Tanya can totally eat shit and die, I'm not so much of a bitch as to show her up at the party honoring her and Edward... that's just wrong. I like to consider myself sweet and friendly, even to those who dislike me.

When I finally dragged my ass to the party that was at Carlisle Manor, it was packed with people that neither Edward nor Tanya knew. Just like Carlisle to get the whole city involved. I smiled at everyone and showed off my perfectly white teeth and flawless face, making casual conversation as I went. I tried to avoid both Edward and Jacob at all costs. I was not in the mood to deal with either of them. I saw Jacob dead ahead and quickly spun around to head the other way and came into a hard sturdy wall... of Edward.

"Uhh..." I so brilliantly said, "Hi?"

"Hey Bella, how are you?" He flashed that million dollar smile that makes me melt and I felt myself wanting to kiss him. I quickly diverted my eyes from his soft, full lips and looked around the main ballroom, pretending to search for someone.

"I'm fine. How are you?" I asked, still avoiding his gaze. I felt his finger under my chin and he turned my head towards him, studying me.

"What's wrong?" He frowned.

I laughed casually, "Nothing. Why would you think anything is wrong?"

"Bella, you can't hide from me. Tell me what's wrong?"

I glared at him, "What's wrong? You really wanna know?"

"Yes. Please tell me."

"Fine, "I snapped, but still managed to keep my voice somewhat low as to not draw unwanted attention, "I'm here at a party honoring the man I'm in love with, probably always will love, and the woman he replaced me with. On top of that, in a stupid judgment on my part... I slept with said man's college roommate this afternoon. I didn't get to come, aside from the amazing head he gave, but he also told me he loved me. He scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to hear that. And now, you are going to look at me like I'm some kind of filthy slut even though, besides him, you are the only man I've ever been with. And I know for a fact that you've slept with tons of women. So basically, I feel awful. I don't even want to be at this stupid party, but I have to be."

He stared at me for a long time, "You fucked Jacob?"

"No, he fucked me." At my words, Edward grabbed my arm harshly and dragged me to one of the upstairs bathrooms; he pushed me inside and whirled around to face me.

"Bella, what did I tell you?" His voice was low and I could tell he was angry.

I sighed, "I don't know. What did you tell me?"

He grabbed me and pinned me against the door, his lips were less than an inch from mine. I was getting so fucking hot. "Bella, I will not ask you again. What did I tell you?"

I stared at him for a long moment and I tried to think of all of our past conversations. I kept replaying them in my head, trying to remember what is so important. Then something in his eyes flashed and it clicked.

"Fuck you..." I was angry, "You can't do this shit. You can't. You chose her, I don't belong to you. You can fuck go to hell."

He pressed his body against mine, "Bella. I love you. You know I do." His hands slid down to my hips.

"Edward, don't. I'm not going to play your fucking game anymore. You told me you can't be with me, so no. Stop. Get away from me."

In an instant, his lips were against mine. It was a hard kiss, a dominating kiss and when I opened my mouth to gasp his tongue was quickly inside, probing and tasting me. I could feel the tears in my eyes because I know I can't resist him. I love him too much and I would willingly give him any part of me no matter how much I don't want to.

I realized I wasn't even fighting him as he moved down to my neck, licking and sucking, while pulling at my clothes at the same time. Without even realizing it, I was naked and he was only clad in his boxer briefs, pressing himself against me. I ran my fingers through his silky locks and kissed him deeply, savoring his taste. To me, Edward Masen was a God and always would be. He was beautiful, powerful, and adored by everyone. I rolled my head back against the door as he kissed at my chin.

"Did you like it when he fucked you?" He rasped between kisses, his voice was hard. I shook my head, but kept my eyes closed.

"Tell me Bella. Tell me. You like him better than me don't you? You like the way he fucks you don't you?" His voice was angry and yet depressed at the same time.

"No," I shook my head again, trying to pull him to me for a kiss, "No. You are the only one I want. I love you."

"Say it again." He begged.

"I love you." I whispered and we were locked in a passionate kiss again. He grabbed my ass and picked me up, my legs locking around his waist. He was instantly inside me and we both groaned at the contact.

"Baby you are so wet. Fuck." He moaned and pushed me harder against the wall as he fucked me fast and hard.

I licked and kissed at his throat, "Edward... fuck me baby. Fuck me..."

He smiled and ran his tongue over my lips before kissing me slowly. His kiss was filled with such passion and love, I thought I'd melt. His movements sped up and I was instantly on edge. Nothing and no one has ever made me come as fast or as hard as Edward. He trusted into me a few more times before I cried out and came hard. He kissed at my forehead and cheeks and continued pummeling into me. I felt another orgasm instantly build and I pushed myself against him with all my strength.

Without even slipping out of me, he had me turned around with my hands pressed against the wall. His hand was holding me up by the waist as he pounded into me from behind. We were both sweaty and soaked in sexual juices, and we both knew that if anyone came upstairs they would definitely know what was going down.

"Fuck... so tight... wet... heaven..." He mumbled as he thrust. I pushed my ass back against him, getting him even deeper than I thought possible. He bent down and licked a trail down my back. I shuddered and leaned back against him. His arm that wasn't holding me up slipped between my legs and his fingers instantly found my clit. He rubbed and pinched the nub in pattern with his thrusting.

We screamed out each other's names as our mind blowing orgasms washed over us. He held my body tightly against him, being sure not to slip out. I pressed my forehead against the door, trying not to collapse from exhaustion. He slowly pulled out and we kissed each other deeply. He held me in his arms for awhile it was nice.

****

Once we were back at the party, we separated although I felt his eyes on me most of the night. I went to say hello to Carlisle when two arms wrapped around me and I felt hot breath on my ear.

"Where did you run off to after lunch?" The voice whispered in my ear. I inwardly frowned. Jacob. I plastered a fake smile on my face and turned to face him.

"Jacob... hi. I had some... stuff to take care of before the party."

He watched me for a moment and then he smiled brightly. "Come on, they are gonna toast soon."

With Jacob's arm firmly wrapped around my waist, we went to sit at our table. The toast was given by Carlisle who said a bunch of bullshit about how lovely the young couple was and how he hopes they will remain together for many more years. I tried not to laugh at that. I thought that I was perhaps the only person there who wished them nothing but sorrow. I drank... a lot. I wondered if I was starting to become a lush. They say you should never drink when you are upset and yet, I drink because I'm upset. I don't think anyone realized it. Hell, Alice was a coke fiend; I doubt she'd worry her pretty little head about me and my problems.

As the toast came to an end, Edward and I locked eyes. Just staring at each other. His eyes held sorrow and longing. He was depressed, but it's his own fucking fault. I broke the gaze and looked down at my diamond bracelet. Beautiful. Jacob spoils me, he says he loves me. I don't want to hurt him, but then I do. It's not fair that I have to feel this way. It's not fair at all. Someone should feel the way I do. Upset and hurt and angry and stupid all at the same time. It's wrong to say that I want to hurt someone, but I do. I want them to feel as miserable as I do, but that's not me. I'm the sweet, kind, and caring Bella. I'm perfect, but not perfect enough for_ him_. I make _him_ lose control_. He_ can't handle it. Fuck it. Fuck _him_. Fuck everyone.

I left the party as quickly and quietly as possible.

****

Awl, Christmas.

My parents were gone again. Angela was off screwing around with some unlucky socialite's husband. I had the honor of having the Christmas feast get together among our friends at my house. I was less than looking forward to it. It had been about 6 days since the party for Edward and Tanya and I was still in 'Fuck the World' mode.

I pulled my hair up into a high ponytail and didn't wear any make up. I put on a deep blue turtleneck and a tight pair of hip hugging jeans. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday, but lately I've felt alone. I feel pathetic. I act like Edward was my world, but I was young... he was my world. I'd known him all my life and I fell so madly in love with him it hurts me.

Im 21 years old. I should get over this shit. But it's hard to get over your first love. It's hard to get over any love. It doesn't make me any more sad or pathetic as the next love sick dope. I'm just angry. I'm uncontrollably angry. I almost wish I could get pregnant with his kid so then he'd have to marry me. But that's wrong. I mean, I know he loves me and I love him unconditionally, but sometimes love just isn't enough to make a relationship work. And clearly whatever fucked up relationship we have... loved will never be enough. I don't know if he's sleeping with other women besides Babes. He might be, and I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt. But what can you do?

Everyone was here. Downstairs. Waiting for me. I had yet to make an appearance and I wasn't looking forward to it. I slowly descended the stairs and looked at the giant noble fir. It was decorated in crystal blue lights and platinum ornaments from Tiffany's. My mother's request of course. I went into the den where everyone was snacking and drinking and having a good time. The Christmas music was blasting from the stereo and everyone seemed oblivious to my sudden appearance. I put a big fake smile on my face and greeted everyone. Instantly, Jacob was at my side with his arm around my waist. Edward's eyes darkened at the contact, but he quickly looked away. Tanya was smiling and singing along to the Chipmunks 'Christmas Don't is late', while Jazz and Emmet were having a shot contest. Alice came out of the bathroom, her nose a little red with a flushed Rosalie following behind her. Figures. Alice likes to get high, and when she gets high she likes to fuck around with models.

Soon we sat down and ate the Christmas feast. I kept quiet, trying not to draw too much attention. Everyone was laughing and having a good time and no one seemed to have a care in the world. Except me. I was in turmoil, trying to just get through this god forsaken night without killing someone or breaking down and crying. The opening of the presents came and I was barely even sober enough to understand what was going on. The girls got lovely jewelry and clothes and the guys got silk shirts, rings and other toys they didn't need. I gave Jacob a platinum Rolex with his name engraved on it. In turn, he gave me a beautiful three stone diamond tear drop necklace set in platinum. I smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek, thanking him.

I gave Edward my gift and he stared at me for a moment before opening it. It was a photo album of all of us (except Jacob, Tanya, and Rosalie), especially of me and him together, growing up. It had all the trinkets I saved over the years... from the corsage I wore to prom to a piece of the swimsuit Jasper ripped off Alice on accident at the beach when we were younger. His eyes looked a little hazy and he smiled at me, and yet it was a sad smile. I gave him a hug and before he could give me his present, Alice gave me a look. Her eyes were saddened.

She quickly made her way over to me and pulled me out of the room, but not before I grabbed a glass of chardonnay. "I'm just gonna steal her for a few minutes." She said to everyone, Jacob and Edward in particular. Once in the foyer she watched me for a minute.

"What's wrong?" I asked, taking a sip of my drink.

"Bella," She looked tense, "I heard something and I don't know how you are going to take it. Hell, I'm not even sure if it's true."

I was extremely interested now, "What is it? What did you hear?"

She took a deep breath,"Well you know how Emmet and Eddie are like basically best friends?"

I nodded and waited for her to continue. "Well according to Emmet, Edward mentioned something about asking Tanya to marry him." And right at that moment we heard a happy shriek from Tanya and cheers erupting from the room, what perfect timing.

I didn't know the drink dropped from my hand until it I heard the glass shatter on the floor. My eyes watered and everyone quickly came into the foyer to see if everything was okay. They all looked at me and then at the broken pieces of glass on the floor.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked us. I turned my watery eyes towards him and glared. I felt used, hurt, abused, and I wanted to laugh. I was so stupid for thinking anything was still between us.

"No Edward. I am not alright." I said, my voice dripping contempt for him. I looked at Tanya and then down at the bright sparkling engagement ring on her left hand. I laughed loud and bitter. I was laughing so hard I had to lean against the wall for support. Alice put her hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.

"Congratulations." I said staring into Edward's eyes; he flinched at the tone of my voice. I knew everyone could see the hurt and betrayal in my eyes. Jacob walked towards me and put his arm around me, but I pushed him away.

"Baby, are you okay?" He asked. I was about to answer when Edward spoke.

"Don't call her baby, Jacob. She doesn't belong to you." His voice was angry.

Jacob glared at him, "What does it matter to you? She isn't yours either."

"Yes she is." Edward said without a second thought, not noticing the gasp from everyone around him, or the wide eyes of Tanya.

"I belong to no one." My voice was low, and filled with pain. I walked towards Edward and pulled my promise ring off my right hand and threw it at him. His eyes went wide and he looked completely shocked.

"Tanya," I said, never taking my eyes off Edward's, "Before you marry him. You might want to know that at your little 'anniversary party' we fucked in an upstairs bathroom."

Again, everyone gasped and I quickly turned around and ran upstairs and locked myself in my bedroom.

Merry fucking Christmas, indeed.


	8. New Years

**New Years **

I opened my eyes and immediately wished I hadn't. It was too bright and I was too dizzy. I sat up and looked around. My bedroom was a mess, littered with half smoked cigarettes and empty bottles of Grey Goose, that I lived on for the past 5 days. I looked at the clock on the night stand. Its red lights blinked 2:47 p.m. Lovely, but why couldn't I sleep the whole day away? After sitting there for ten minutes, the overwhelming urge to piss like a race horse overcame me and I quickly jumped out of bed, a little too fast for my equilibrium, and barely made it to the bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes, tangles in my hair, makeup smeared on my face. I looked wretched and I felt even worse. It was December 30th. Tomorrow Alice was throwing a kick ass New Year's party, and I was expected to attend. Everything seemed to be a blur, all that has happened. He comes back out of nowhere, turns my life completely upside down, and then proposes to that bitch of a girlfriend... who isn't really a bitch at all. She is beautiful, and sweet, and although she backed me into a corner and told me to stay away from Edward... I can't blame her. I would do the same thing. She's one of those people that you wanna hate so bad, but they are nice so you can't... but that makes you hate them even more.

I turned on the water to the bath, hoping to wash away all this filth and dirtiness I felt. I was disgusted with myself over everything. How could I let everything get so out of control like this? After the incident on Christmas, I locked myself in my bedroom and went on a downward spiral of self destruction. I drank so much; I'm turning into a damn lush. I know for a fact that if my parents found out how much I have been drinking, I would be on the first plane out to the Betty Ford Clinic.

I stepped into the steaming water and sat down. I love when the water is so damn hot that you get Goosebumps. That is the absolute best. I closed my eyes and relaxed. I needed to do some serious re-evaluating of my life. I can't keep letting that bastard drag me down. Millions of girls before me had their hearts broken and millions of girls after me will have their hearts broken. I need to blow him off completely and learn to be just friends with him. Everything is so crazy now and feeling sorry for me is only going to make things worse. But one last goodbye fuck never hurt anybody right?

I shook my head. God damn me and my hanta mind. I fucking swear. I shampooed my hair and stared at my empty, ringlets fingers. I can't believe I threw that ring at him. I laughed a little at the memory. The look on his face was priceless and Jacob was just as shocked. Fuck! Jacob, I like completely forgot about him. He probably thinks me some sort of whore. Damn. Well, at least I saved him the pain of getting hurt. Yeah fucking right, he said he loved me. Was he serious? I had no clue. But, maybe all wasn't lost.

I grabbed my cell phone that was resting on the side of the tub. I flipped it open and quickly found Jacob's cell number. I dialed it and waited for him to pick up, hoping he would pick up.

"Hello?" An agitated female voice said. I smirked... Jessica. I knew her whiny ass voice anywhere.

"Jessica darling, it's Bella Swan. How are you?"

"I'm wonderful!" She said, in an all too cheery voice. I could hear some shuffling in the background and running water.

"That's excellent. Well, sweetie I was wondering if I could speak to Jacob. It is of upmost importance." I made my voice sugary sweet, just to piss her off.

"Well, Bella... he is rather indisposed at the moment. Showering after our passionate love making." I could feel her smiling triumphantly. I was a little bothered by the fact that he slept with her, but hey, who was I to say shit?

"Awl," I faked sympathy, "Don't be upset that he's trying to wash off the stench, known as you, as quickly as possible. Some men just can't handle intense body odor."

"You bitch!" She shrieked and I couldn't help but smile, "How dare you say such things about me! Who the hell do you think you are?" I heard Jacob's voice in the background, but was unable to decipher what he was saying.

"Task. Task, Bella. You wouldn't want Jacob to see you all flustered. Now be a good girl and give him the phone."

I heard her begin to protest as the phone was yanked away from her. I smiled when I heard his smooth silk voice filter over the phone. "Hey Baby. How are you feeling?"

I smiled, "Better, now that I am talking to you. But honestly, Jacob. I really need to speak with you."

"Okay. How about dinner tonight?" His voice sounded oddly hopeful. I expected him to be angry, not somewhat happy.

"That would be nice."

"Good Jacob."

"Bye Princess."

Now to get rid of this horrible headache.

****

"I brought you a gift."

I nearly jumped out of my skin. I quickly turned around to look over Jacob, who was casually leaning against the doorway; Déjà Vu. He was so very handsome in his black Armani suit; it almost looked as if he just came from the office. Which is bullshit unless Jessica is considered the office? I smiled brightly at him and he gave me a dazzling smile in return.

I stood from my vanity and slowly walked over to him, "You're early."

"Maybe." He said nonchalantly as his eyes roamed over my scantily clad body. I wasn't expecting him so early and was only dressed in a pair of lacy boy shorts with a matching bra. Originally, I wasn't planning on any sexual activity any time soon, but just the way he is staring at me is enough to turn any girl on.

I unconsciously licked my lips, "So, another gift? You really spoil me."

He arched a brow. FUCK EDWARD AND THE EYEBROW ARCHERS. I swear Edward must have talked about me in college, he must have told Jacob what gets me hot. "All princesses deserve to be spoiled, and you, my love, are no exception."

He held out a large box wrapped in shiny silver paper. The wrapping was so exquisite I was almost afraid to open it. I smiled at him and graciously took the box and set it on my bed. I slowly untied the large bow and removed the lid off the box. My eyes went wide.

"Wow." Was all I could muster, as I pulled out the floor length, white rabbit fur coat? I was strictly against the cruelty of animals and fur and all of those things, but I was also one to never turn away a gift. I ran my fingers over the softness of the fur. Gorgeous.

I felt his hands brush my hair to the side as he pulled me back against his hard chest. He left little wet kisses along my neck and shoulder. "Do you like it?"

"I love it." I breathed and closed my eyes. His tongue was working magic on my neck and being so close to his body was just... wow. His hands slowly slid around to my stomach and his fingers gently ran up and down my sides. I shivered and pressed myself further back against him.

"You smell delicious." He whispered and turned my jaw to kiss him. His lips softly brushed against mine and that's when the warning bells in my head went off. What the fuck was I doing! I quickly pulled away from him and smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, I just... you know. I wanted to talk to you."

"Okay Baby. I'll be downstairs while you get dressed. Don't forget your coat." He winked at me and left the room. I sighed and slumped against the wall.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into?

****

"Jacob... I... I'm really sorry about everything that happened on Christmas. I know it wasn't one of my most proud moments." I poked at my salad, not looking him in the eye.

"Bella, it's alright. You were, and apparently still are, deeply in love with Edward. I cannot expect you to just immediately drop that and fall in love with me."

"I know, but I was totally out of line. I mean, you must think I'm a total whore or something, you know? Two men in the same day. Geese." I frowned and took a sip of my water.

He leaned over the table and took my hand in his, "Bella darling, you are gorgeous and intelligent and perfect. You are not a whore. Believe me, Edward and I have done way worse than just two women in one day. And besides, we are the only two men you've ever slept with. Don't worry so much."

I sighed and bit my lip, "Jacob... Did you mean what you said after we had sex?"

He looked me in the eyes, "Yes. I meant it with my entire heart. I know you probably think I'm crazy because we haven't known each other... what four or five months? But I am absolutely crazy about you. You've captivated me and I am deeply in love with you. I haven't felt this way about anyone ever. And I know you are the one for me. I don't want to scare you or anything, but please give me a chance. I know I can make you happy, truly happy."

I smiled at him, he looked so joyful. I mean, his words basically scared the shit out of me, but I didn't want to upset him or hurt him more than I already have. I squeezed his hand for reassurance and took another sip of my water.

"Would you ever want to get married?"

I almost choked. I looked at him, my eyes wide, "What?"

He grinned, "I'm not talking about right now, I mean later maybe in a few months or next year or something?"

"Where did all this come from? I mean, have we really even established what we are? You bring me gifts, and act like my boyfriend, but I was fooling around with Richard and you are clearly sleeping with Jessica. What are we?"

"Baby relaxes. I know that since Edward is engaged now, he is completely out of the picture and Jessica, she was something to try and replace you... which failed miserably I might add."

I tried to mask my frown at his words of Edward being unavailable. This was all such bullshit. I gave him a fake smile and replied, "I don't know about marriage. Everything seems so sudden. Let's just see where our relationship goes. Alright?"

He smiled and we finished our dinner in light conversation, though his words kept replaying in my mind.

Marriage? Was he fucking insane?

****

I threw my bedroom door open and immediately started stripping off my coat and dress. It was past midnight because Jacob thought it would be romantic to take a moonlight stroll through the park. Normally I wouldn't object, but in the middle of winter in the freezing snow was not my idea of romantic. But he was so adamant about taking to stroll so I obliged him.

"Nice coat." The smooth silky voice said in the darkness. I almost jumped out of my skin and turned to see Edward standing by my window.

"Dimmit Edward doesn't do that! I could have had a heart attack!"

"Jacob bought it for you, didn't he?"

"What is it to you?" I snapped as I kicked off my heels. He turned around and in the moonlight I could see his piercing blue eyes, looking so pained and distraught. I turned my back to him and quickly threw off my bra, and replaced it with an oversized t shirt.

"He only wants you because he knows that I do. It's always been a competition between us. You're a prize to him."

I whirled around and stared at him incredulously, "And what am I to you? The other woman? The woman good enough to fuck, but not good enough to marry? Tell me what I am!"

Without realizing what was happening, his arms were immediately wrapped around me holding me tightly against him while he left little butterfly kisses all over my forehead and cheeks. "I love you. I love you so damn much it drives me insane, and you know that's the exact reason why we can't be together. I can't control myself around you, not just sexually either. It's just I lose all control and I can't think about anything but you. Hell, even when I'm away from you, you are constantly on my mind."

"Then why can't we be together? If you are losing control anyways... why can't we lose it together?" My voice was pleading and I knew I sounded weak.

"Because, I'm afraid. I know that once I grab hold of you I could never let go. I'm so terrified of these feelings you ignite in me." His voice was barely above a whisper. He sounded so distraught and I felt myself getting a little angry.

"So you are really going to marry her?" It was more of a rhetorical question, but I needed to hear him answer. I closed my eyes waiting for his answer, but the answer never came. Instead his soft lips were pressed against mine in a passionate, yet demanding kiss. I opened my mouth and felt his tongue slide inside; tracing every inch of my mouth he could reach. I felt dizzy and happy from the kiss, his grip tightening on my hips and pulling me closer to him.

I snapped back to reality when I realized that he still hadn't answered my question. I quickly pulled away from him and stared at him. "No." I said quietly. I kept shaking my head and repeating the word NO. I looked into his eyes,"You are really going to marry her." It was a statement, but this time he answered.

"Yes."

"Get Out." I turned my back to him. I could not look at him any longer. I felt myself grow sick and I knew before the night was over I would be vomiting up my dinner.

He left quickly and I knew the party was going to royally suck.

****

"You always throw the best parties." I whispered seductively in Alice's ear. She immediately turned around and wrapped her arms around me, a beaming smile on her face.

"Bella! You delicious piece of ass! I'm so glad you came!" Alice gave me a peck on the lips and a squeeze on my ass. God, I love her to death. My best friend through everything and by her playful squeeze of my ass I knew she was already high as a kite. She quickly excused herself from Jasper's grip and dragged me to her upstairs bathroom.

"How are you holding up?" She asked as she snorted a line.

"What can I do? He wants to marry her, but he claims to love me. Your cousin has a major stick shoved up his ass. What is it with this 'control' business?"

Alice shrugged, "I don't know. But that Tanya girl isn't good for him. He doesn't love her and although she seems to love him, I think she is more in it for the fame and money. I mean, marrying New York's biggest and most well known bachelor. She'll be the center of high society for years."

I took the rolled up hundred from Alice and proceeded to snort a few lines, trying to clear my head of all these depressing thoughts. "I'm gonna get so fucked up, I won't remember anything of tonight."

Alice giggled, "Geese Bella we are bad. Getting all high and everything. That can't be good for us. If Edward saw you high, he would be livid. And Jacob, I don't know. Didn't you say he was fucking Jessica?"

I snorted a few more lines and then dabbed my nose with a tissue, "Yeah, but the crazy thing is... last night at dinner, he was talking to me about marriage and how he knows I'm the one or something. I don't know, but he definitely scared the shit out of me."

Alice laughed and tugged at my arm, pulling me out of the bathroom and back towards the party. I was high and in a fantastic mood. I saw Tanya by the bar sipping some sort of drink and I slowly pushed through the crowds of people to get to her.

"Enjoying the party?" I asked, a little too upbeat.

"Bella," She looked uncomfortable and shifted nervously, "Hi. Um, yeah it isn't bad."

I smiled brightly at her, "Well, you are gonna be Mr. Edward Masen! You better get used to these parties along with tons of high society charity events and balls."

She smiled awkwardly at me and nodded. I could feel the tension rolling off her in waves and for some reason, I wanted her to relax. It must have been the coke.

"I'm sorry about Christmas, how I totally flipped." I said quietly.

"Oh. It's alright. I'm sorry too. I don't know, it's all rather awkward."

"Let me make it up to you. I want to throw you and Edward an engagement party." Once the words left my mouth, I instantly regretted it.

"Really?" Her eyes sparkled with excitement and I wondered what the fuck was wrong with me to offer that type of shit to someone I despised.

"Yes, really." What the fuck is wrong with me! I can't keep my fucking mouth shut. Definitely the coke.

"Oh my god. You are wonderful!" She screeched and threw her arms around me in a tight embrace. I frowned at how easily this girl could make me dislike her. She was going to marry the man I have been in love with for years. But here I was returning a fake smile and telling her I'd call her later in the week with plans.

****

Midnight was rapidly approaching, but I wasn't much in the mood to celebrate. I could barely function being drunk and coked out of my mind. I stumbled onto the balcony and leaned against the railing, watching the stars in the sky and some fireworks from far away. After what seemed like an eternity, I could hear the drunken people inside begin to countdown. The clock stroked midnight and everyone was screaming Happy New Year. I heard the doors to the balcony open, but I didn't turn around. The clock was still chiming and people were kissing each other and celebrating, their cheers never dying down.

I was quickly turned around and before I could register what was happening, I was being kissed by soft, sweet lips. Our tongues combined and our bodies pushed closer together. My arms wrapped around his neck, while my fingers slowly ran through his lush hair. I heard him groan against me and pull me tighter against him so I could feel his hardness through his pants. I reveled in his taste, his hands, his body.. Everything. We slowly broke the kiss and after a minute I opened my eyes to see who my mysterious kisser was. My breath caught in my throat.

"Edward..."


	9. Unpleasant News

**Unpleasant News**

I opened my eyes and noticed it was dark. It must still be early in the morning. I tried to shift when I felt pressure on my chest and hip. I sat up a little bit and realized Edward was asleep with his head on my chest and his arm around my hip, holding me possessively to him. I also noticed that we were both naked with just a soft, silk sheet covering us. I laid my head back down on the pillow and glanced around the room. It was dark, but light was filtering in through the slits in-between the blinds, maybe it wasn't early morning after all. We weren't in my bedroom, nor were we in his penthouse. I tried to remember where we were, this room looked so familiar and yet I couldn't place it.

Then it all clicked.

I quickly tried to get out of bed, but was held tighter to Edward who mumbled my name and the word 'mine' a few times. I knew I had to slip out of there as soon as possible because there was no way in hell I was gonna have God forbid, Carlisle walk in on us in this compromising position. Edward just had to take us back to Masen Manor, back to his room before he got the penthouse. I really didn't remember much of last night; save for the multiple orgasms Edward gave me. It should be illegal to have that much pleasure in one night. That man is a God. I closed my eyes and resigned myself to go back to sleep when I felt hot wet kisses around my nipple.

Without thought, I ran my fingers through his unruly bronze locks, massaging his scalp as he licked and suckled at my chest. Damn, his mouth was amazing. If he kept it up, I'm sure I could come on the spot. His tongue and hands trailed lower and I let a small gasp escape me. In a matter of moments he had my legs spread and was nipping at my inner thighs. I bit my lip hard, drawing blood, in anticipation of his excellent oral skills. He slowly slid his tongue along my upper thigh and without warning, plunged it into my already dripping core. "Baby, you taste fucking amazing." He breathed. I moaned and writhed in ecstasy as he continued to bring waves of pleasure coursing through me. He slid two fingers in me and I felt the tip of his tongue slowly draw tiny circles along my clit.

I came instantly.

I was still quivering when he kissed me passionately and slid his throbbing cock inside me. "Oh, fuck!" He groaned. The unexpected, but very welcome intrusion had me bucking my hips back against him. He left little butterfly kisses on my jaw as he pulled almost all the way out and thrust back in with more force than before. I slid my nails down his back, probably making red welts, but not at all caring. He kissed me deeply, letting his tongue feel all the contours of my mouth before pulling back and putting my legs over his shoulder, without slipping out of me. He positioned himself on his knees in front of me, his cock throbbing and twitching inside me, and began licking and kissing my ankles.

"Touch yourself." He said in a husky voice.

He teasingly slid in and out of me at a slow pace that made me want to rip my hair out. I let my slim fingers dance across my skin before resting on my chest, where they tweaked and pinched my already hardened rosy nipples. He groaned deeply and began to pound into me harder. I felt the pressure in my stomach build and I was holding my breath. He was thrusting into me with so much force; the headboard was banging against the wall leaving imprints. I moaned out his name repeatedly, pulling harder at my nipples. He gripped my thighs tightly and pounded into me with so much force I was literally off of the bed with each thrust.

"Oh, God! I'm so fucking... Hahn." I screamed as I came, squeezing his cock. Two or three thrusts later he roared out my name and I felt him release inside of me. I will never tire of that feeling. The man you love, coming inside you. Releasing his love for you, inside you. You can feel it and it's amazing. He collapsed on top of me, kissing feverishly at my neck and whispering "I love you" over and over.

"I love you too." I murmured, trying to fight off the sleep that was quickly overtaking me.

"You are the most beautiful woman in the world." He said.

I smiled, "You mean everything to me."

He kissed my lips softly, "Your touch is worth a hundred thousand deaths."

I giggled. I can't believe he remembered that. It was my favorite line from the movie "Willow." Where Val Kilmer's character inhales the love potion and falls in love with Sortie and she threatens to kill him. Very romantic line, one of my favorite movies. We used to watch it together when we were younger and things weren't complicated.

"I can't believe you remember that."

"I'd never forget anything between us. It was special, you are special." He smiled and pulled out something from the nightstand. He slipped it onto my right hand and I realized it was the promise ring I threw at him when I was angry and upset.

"I wish we could be together." I whispered so quietly I thought he wouldn't hear it, but he did.

"I'm gonna leave her. I want to be with you. I'll leave her and we'll take a trip. I'll break it off with her tonight and tomorrow we'll fly to Paris and stay as long as you want." He kissed me deeply and held me close to him.

I felt my heart soar at his words. We could finally be together, be happy. We made love for most of the morning and the afternoon. Finally around 4 p.m., he let me leave, but not before slipping me one of his platinum credit cards. I told him I didn't need it, but he insisted. He wanted to buy me things and since he couldn't go with me, he gave me his card instead.

God, things were finally looking up for us.

****

"How romantic!" Alice gushed after I told her about what happened earlier that day. I smiled and squeezed her hand, which I was holding.

"Yes, He's perfect. We are going to be together. God, I love him!" I said excitedly as we hurried into Barney's of New York. We already bought lingerie at both Victoria's Secret and Frederick's of Hollywood. Personally, I prefer Frederick's because the clothes are just a tad skimpier and they even have costumes and everything. And every woman likes to dress up sometimes. At Barneys, I bought shoes and pants and some sweaters. I also bought a few sun dresses and three or four elegant gowns. I also picked up a few things for Edward, some slacks and shirts. A few nice coats. I always loved shopping for him, it was nice.

"Want to go to The China Garden for dinner?" Alice asked me. I nodded in reply. The China Garden was this brand new, ultra chic Chinese restaurant. Only the most famous of people could get in, but Alice and I were always on the guest list, whether planning to attend or not. We had the limo take us there and we were immediately seated.

"So how long do you think you'll stay in Paris?" Alice asked as I scanned over the menu.

I smiled at her, "Not too long. I could never stay away from you for long. You are my best friend and if I was a lesbian you would so be my life mate."

Alice laughed, "Yeah. Edward is a lucky bastard to get a piece of ass like you."

I shrugged, "Yeah, but Jasper gets to tap your fine ass every night. He's truly the lucky one."

The waitress came and took our order and we sat in silence for a few moments. Alice had a serious look on her face; I drummed my nails on the table. "What's wrong?"

"What if," Alice hesitated for a moment before continuing, "What if, like, when we are old and like sitting around talking about everything all of our past loves and fucks and everything, we find out we were supposed to be together."

I eyed her for a moment and then smiled, "Honestly, I don't think I could go down on you." We stared at each other before we both broke out into hysterical laughter. It was a nice stress reliever, all the laughing and talking. Paris would be a mini vacation, and I would miss Alice dearly.

****

I rolled onto my side and pulled the pillow over my head. Just a few more minutes of sleep, I kept telling my mind. Then I realized what today was and sat straight up. I looked at the clock... 11:41 a.m. It was already that late? Why hadn't Edward called or shown up? I bit my lip as I thought about it, but then shrugged off the ominous feelings I had. I found my cell phone lying under a pair of pants and looked at the screen. I left the phone on vibrate last night and I must of slept through any calls. I stared at the screen in shock. 23 missed calls. I checked my messages and there was only one, from Edward saying he needed to talk to me immediately. Call him as soon as I got it.

I stretched and then dialed his cell number. It went straight to message. I left a short sweet message about how I loved him and I was looking forward to our trip. I pulled on some sweatpants and went downstairs for some juice, I needed to relax before the rush to change and get to the airport. I saw Angela sitting at the kitchen table and she looked like she felt sorry for me. I smiled politely at her and sat at the table, across from her, and picked at a muffin I grabbed from the counter.

"Did you hear the news?" She asked hesitantly.

"What news?" I arched a brow and bit into my muffin. Mhm blueberry. My favorite. I took a sip of juice and swallowed waiting for her to elaborate.

"The news about Edward and Tanya." Ang trailed off. I smiled big. So the news is all over? He broke up with her last night and the news spread that fast... excellent.

"Of course, isn't it wonderful? He finally came to his senses..." I cocked my head to the side as I noticed she was looking at me oddly. "I didn't expect you to take it so well." She said quietly.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked, that ominous feeling making my stomach churn.

Ang shrugged, "Because you love him..." I gave her a questioning look and she tossed the morning paper in front of me. I read over the headline and then I swear I stopped breathing.

I read it again, slowly, but this time out loud, "Edward Masen and Tanya Denali held a press conference late last night to confirm they are expecting their first child together." Under the headline there was a picture of Edward and Tanya, both looking happy and in love. I felt the bile rise to my throat. I read further and found out that although Tanya is pregnant, they will wait till after the birth of the child to be married.

I felt the hot tears stream down my cheeks, but I laughed anyways. This is fucking fantastic. Of course this would happen. Our one chance of being together and then... wow. They used condoms, but condoms break. I wonder if he knew yesterday... I don't think he did. Otherwise he would have told me... something, anything. I sat the paper down carefully on the table and forced a smile at Angela who looked extremely concerned. I quickly left the table and walked up the stairs with as much dignity as I could muster. The headline kept replaying itself in my head. Now, not only will I need to throw them their fucking engagement party, but a baby shower too? Fucking fantastic.

****

"How are you?"

I looked up from the novel I was reading to see Alice in my door way. I smiled at her and nodded that it was alright for her to come in. She sat on the bed next to me and ran her fingers through my hair.

"I'm as good as I can be." I said cheerily.

"It's alright to be hurt and upset. Edward has been tearing himself up over this. He really wants to talk to you."

"He knows where I live, "I replied coldly, "Besides, it isn't his fault. I should call them, both of them, and congratulate them and all of that wonderful stuff."

Alice frowned and made to leave, before she left she spoke, "He's downstairs and I'm sending him up to see you."

I sighed, but didn't answer. Ten minutes later I was reading again although I felt his eyes watching me from where he was leaning against the wall. Finally, I couldn't take the tension and so I asked, "Were you going to tell me?"

"I tried to call you when I found out. Believe me; I didn't want you to find out from a fucking newspaper!"

"How did she tell you?" I looked at him then, our eyes locked before he looked down, almost ashamed.

"I told her it was over, that I was in love with you and she told me she had gone to the doctors earlier that day. She's about 5 weeks pregnant."

I nodded and sat my book down, "You did the right thing. A child needs a father. Congratulations. I was thinking of holding your anniversary party next month, is that alright?"

"Cut the shit Bella. I know you are hurt, it's okay to be hurt... to show pain. Don't you understand I fucking love you? I'd do anything for you. I really want to be with you... but I can't now, no matter how much I want to." His voice was drained and he looked tired.

"I'm not asking you to drop everything for me. I know you have responsibilities and I am truly happy for you and Tanya. She a wonderful woman and I are sure she'd be a superb mother. So once again I say congratulations."

"Tell me how you really feel. Yell at me, scream at me, please do something!" He pleaded.

I broke and I felt the tears rushing to my eyes, "I love you so damn much it fucking kills me inside. I would do anything for you, anything. I would have given you all I have. I would have stayed with you, loved you, forever! No one has ever made me feel as fucking wonderful as you do. When you aren't near me, I'm not whole. We were perfect together... absolutely perfect. And I feel like dying because _she_ is the girl you are gonna marry and_ she _is the one who is going to have your children. And although it kills me to let you go, I know I have to. Everything that has happened to us happened for a reason, even the horrible fights. And I wouldn't trade any of it for the world, and if given the chance I'd do it all over again. Don't you see... my world revolves around you?"

He stared at me, both of our eyes watery. Both of us feeling the pain and resentment for not being able to be together. He sat next to me and ran his thumb over my tear streaked cheek as he whispered, "I live and I die for you."

I turned away from him, "You should go. I can't do this anymore. There is a child involved now and I can't let my feelings show themselves anymore. It's not fair to anyone. You should think to the future, your family..." I broke into sobs and whimpers and tried to calm myself.

He held me to him and kissed my temple, "I love you forever Isabella Swan."

"We'll always be friends." I smiled and kissed his cheek. He released me and left quietly, I stayed in the same position he left me in for hours. I couldn't bear to move. I lost the love of my life forever and although we were still friends, I know it would kill me to see him, especially with her.

I pondered how my life could drop from Heaven to Hell within a span of 24 hours.


	10. Impossible Odds

**Impossible Odds**

"Damn It." I tossed the vanilla flavored lip-gloss against the vanity mirror. I was frustrated, beyond frustrated. I was angry, upset, hurt, and bitter... very bitter. I gently massaged my forehead, trying to get rid of the migraine I had for the last two weeks. Ever since the news of their impending 'arrival' I've had migraine so intense I've thrown up and even passed out a few times. I looked at myself in the mirror. Despite the lack of sleep and the weight of the stress of everything, I looked damn good. My make up was clean and simple, revealing the natural beauty I possess. My hair was up in an intricate bun with a few tendrils framing my face. My gown for the evening was an off white Valentino original, strapless and very form fitting. It could almost look like a wedding dress except for the fact that I'm wearing it and it will be a hell of a long ass time before I get married.

I glanced over at the clock. 9:32 p.m. The guests have been here for over an hour and I have yet to make an appearance. Which is rather rude, considering I am the hostess? Angela and Alice have been complete sweethearts and have been greeting the guests as they arrive, giving them some bullshit excuse that I am still taking care of some business. I just feel so weak. Me and my stupid mouth, while high and drunk no less, offered to throw this fucking engagement party. How stupid am I? After I realized what I had done, I decided my New Year's Resolution would be to give up drugs and alcohol, at least for the year... or six months... or however long I can last. I bit my lip and looked at my reflection again. I can't face him. I can't... I know I'll just breakdown and I mean... damn.

"Tanya has been asking about you." I glanced at the mirror and I saw Alice leaning against the doorframe, a sad smile on her beautiful face. I nodded my head and stood up. Now it was time to place the happy mask on my face and act as if nothing is wrong, and everything is how it should be.

"That dress is gorgeous. You look like a goddess." She grabbed my hand as we started walking towards the stairs.

"Darling, I am a goddess." I winked at her and squeezed her hand. She giggled a little and we made our way into the crowds of people.

Almost immediately after we started mingling among the guests I was swept away and into strong, warm arms. Jacob. I felt terrible for neglecting him, but what was I supposed to do? I was torn and twisted and basically completely fucked up inside. I felt his hot breath on my neck and shivered as he spoke, "You look good enough to eat."

I smiled and turned around in his arms to face him, "Jacob. My aren't you the eye catcher." And he was. All of the women, who could no longer swoon over Edward because of the fact he knocked up his bitch of a fiancé, had their eyes locked on him. Jacob looked so handsome and delicious in his black on black tuxedo. Absolutely handsome.

He gave me a heartwarming smile, "I haven't seen much of you lately, which isn't too good considering you are my girlfriend." I could feel the smile slipping from my face, and I looked at him seriously.

"I really need to speak with you."

Although his smile never faltered, I could see the concern in his eyes. He nodded and said, "Later, when the party begins to die down."

Jacob held me by my waist as we made our rounds around the party, greeting guests and pretending to be interested in what they had to say. As we made our way towards a table, my stomach felt like lead. Sitting at the table was Edward and Tanya. Edward was staring at us, his gaze drifting from Jacob's arm around my waist to my eyes. He looked like he wanted to skin him alive. Tanya was sipping water and talking about something that Edward obviously wasn't paying any attention to.

"The couple of the hour!" Jacob said a little too cheerfully, even though he and Edward were sending each other death glares.

Tanya saw me and immediately stood up and embraced me, "Oh Bella. This is wonderful. This party is absolutely fantastic. You are brilliant, wonderful!"

"Damn right she is." Jacob said and kissed my temple. I noticed Edward was clenching his fists. Normally, I would get a sense of satisfaction from this, but now all I felt was sick. He was supposed to be mine, he was going to be mining... but shit happens and not everything is how it should be.

I said a quiet hello to Edward and he nodded his head in return. I sat down next to him and tried to make polite conversation. Jacob left to go talk to some other big corporate players and Tanya excused herself to the restroom. Edward and I sat in silence, neither of us making eye contact.

"I'm sorry." It was a quiet whisper, but I heard it. I reached my hand under the table and grabbed his, locking our fingers together.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. This is a wonderful thing. You are engaged and going to be a daddy." I squeezed his hand and tried to sound happy, but I was failing miserably. He looked at me then, his gorgeous green eyes filled with sadness and longing. I hugged him tightly, I wasn't concerned with what people would see or think, I had to comfort him. I loved him no matter how many times I tried to tell myself I shouldn't, or it was over, or it is wrong. When you love someone there is nothing you can do about it.

****

I watched him pull off his jacket and drape it over the chair. I bit my lip and crossed my legs, trying to get more comfortable on his leather sofa. I was nervous, but he needed to know the truth. I didn't want to hurt him, but if he found out from someone else he would be crushed. I watched as he removed his tie and proceeded to unbutton his shirt. The taut muscles of his chest distracted me. Jacob was incredibly gorgeous and his body was amazing. My lips were suddenly very dry and I found myself repeatedly licking them, trying to find the moisture that simply seemed to vanish.

He sat down next to me, "You wanted to talk princess?"

I tried to smile. I'll just get it out, "On New Years I was with Edward."

"I know." His eyes never left mine, but he didn't seem angry.

"I'm sorry. We.. I.. We made love many times that night and I feel awful for doing that to you. I mean I'm a horrible person." I was starting to ramble, but he placed his hand on my knee to silence me.

"You love him. I can't expect any less from you. I am a little angry, especially at him for toying with your emotions, but I understand." We sat in silence for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only maybe ten minutes at the most. I wasn't sure what to do. I was brought out of my thoughts with Jacob's next question.

"Will you still be with me?" His voice was quiet, but he looked so dejected. I smiled at him and nodded. He wrapped me up in his arms and kissed me fiercely. His lips and tongue were so soft and warm, I felt so much love from him in that kiss. I felt awful knowing I didn't love him back, but maybe eventually I could. I felt his fingers fumble for the zipper of my dress and I pulled back from him. He gave me a questioning look and I smiled sheepishly.

"Can we take things slow?" I was hesitant and though we already had sex once, we were starting anew. And anyone can tell you that sex makes things more complicated than they need to be.

He smiled brilliantly and nodded, "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"No, you didn't. I just don't want things to get more complicated and we are starting over." I kissed his lips softly, to wash away any doubts he might have had about my feelings. I didn't want him to feel insecure. I stood up, preparing to leave for the night when I felt his hand around my wrist.

"Stay with me tonight?" He asked it so innocently. I nodded and followed him into the bedroom, though we wouldn't be having sex.. It is nice to be held.

****

I felt warm kisses on my neck. "Wake up Princess."

"No," I mumbled and tried to roll over, "It's early."

He gently bit my neck, "Alice is gonna be here soon. You guys are gonna go jogging and out to breakfast remember?"

"What time is it?"

"7:45." He whispered, his hot breath felt wonderful against my ear. I reluctantly sat up and rubbed my eyes. It had been two months since the engagement party, two months since Jacob and I decided to start over. A little over two months since I had sex. Jacob and I were still taking it slow, but he wasn't pressuring me or anything. He was quite the gentleman. Besides kisses and some oral sex, we didn't do anything. I had been spending most of my time at Jacob's house. I practically lived there. He spoiled me beyond belief and worshipped me to no end. But I couldn't deny that I missed Edward with every fiber of my being.

I quickly brushed teeth, put my hair in a pony tail. I put on my pink nice jogging suit and met Alice in the drive. I hadn't been feeling too well. My period was going to start within the next few days, but I cannot remember a time when my cramps were this bad. My left ovary felt like it was being ripped apart. Alice and I went jogging for a good hour until I had to stop because of the sharp shooting pain.

"My fucking god, it's like I'm being ripped apart." I almost wanted to cry. Alice looked concerned and grabbed my arm.

"Come on. We're going to see Dr. Thomson."

****

I stared at the different posters of birth control on the wall. They had run some tests and now had me waiting for the last 45 minutes. Alice was in the waiting room, and Jacob probably was too, considering Alice insisted on calling him. I frowned. What if I had cervical cancer? Ang had it once but they were able to catch it in time and freeze the cancerous cells off of her cervix. My aunt had it too. They also caught it in time. I was really scared now.. I didn't want cancer.

Dr. Thomson walked in the room and looked at me, "Are you alright Bella? You look pale."

"Am I doing?" I asked her seriously. She chuckled and shook her head.

"No Bella, but we are concerned. It's not too common, but your mother was the same way with you."

I was confused. I had no idea what she was talking about. She rambled on a little bit more and I was barely listening until she said congratulations.

"What for?" I asked, extremely curious.

"You are about 10 weeks pregnant. It's hard to get a specific age on the baby when it is so early in the pregnancy, but I would say about 10 weeks."

I froze. I felt like I was going to pass out. She looked concerned and grabbed my hand, "Bella are you alright? You need to be careful. You have an extremely high risk pregnancy, with all the headaches and stress, even the fainting. You could possibly lose this baby. You need to relax."

I nodded and took deep calming breaths. I was pregnant.. With Edward's baby, who was engaged to Tanya... who also was pregnant with his baby. She was a good month and a half farther along than I was. I could feel my palms sweating and my heart was beating rapidly.

"How long till I show?" I asked quietly.

"No need to worry about your amazing figure. If you are anything like the other women in your family you will almost immediately return to normal after your child is born. You are a little over two months, almost three. Women do not begin to show until the end of their fourth month, beginning of the fifth. You still have almost two months." She continued talking, but I didn't listen. I was terrified, but extremely happy. I was going to have a baby.. Edward's baby. I always dreamed of having his children, it's all I ever wanted. Two months until I began showing. Two months until I had to get the fuck out of New York...

And as far away from Edward Masen as possible.


	11. Decisions

**Decisions **

I curled up under the warm feather down comforter, while Alice ran her fingers through my hair. I sighed and layer my head across her stomach. She was my best friend and I knew without a doubt, she always would be. I was happy, but scared at the same time. It had been a few days since I found out the news of my pregnancy. My parents, who were only in town for two days before leaving again, took the news rather well. My father wasn't too excited, but he seemed to be happy. Except for the fact, I refused to tell them who the father was, and they know it wasn't Jacob. My mother was extremely excited about the prospect of becoming a grandmother. She immediately wanted to go out shopping for baby clothes, but I had to remind her that I had yet to find out if it was a boy or a girl. Angela was also thrilled about becoming an aunt, always touching and rubbing my stomach whenever she got the chance. Besides my immediately family, only Alice knew of my pregnancy.

"What are you gonna do?"

I thought about her question for a moment. What could I do? I was pregnant and I was not about to have an abortion. I never had anything against them, when rape was involved or if the situation was life threatening, but I'm a responsible adult. It's not like I can't afford a child. I was on birth control, but that is only 99 percent accurate when using it properly. I wanted to laugh; Edward must have some amazing sperm. His seed really wants to continue. Defying the laws of birth control and condoms, it was too funny to be real. But it was real.

Tanya was about 5 or 6 weeks farther along then I was. Her and Edward were engaged and would be married after the birth of their child. I chewed on my bottom lip in thought, I couldn't tell him. What could I say? 'Oh yeah. By the way, before you marry her you might want to know I'm pregnant with your love child.' Like that would go over real well. I would never put Edward in the position to choose, not when there are children's lives involved. I didn't know much about Tanya's' family or if she was wealthy without Edward, but I was. My family had more money than I could imagine, only rivaled by Edward. I could easily raise a child on my own. It was almost like a dream come true to think that I was gonna be having Edward's baby, but also a nightmare at the same time to know that I could never have Edward.

I would keep it from him. I know that's wrong and he deserves to know, but it won't change anything. I won't be showing for awhile, but before I do I'll move to my family's villa in the Italian countryside. I have to get away from everything. If the press found out I was pregnant... or even worse, who the father is... everything would go to hell. Too make it worse, he would be seen as some horrible family man and it would completely ruin his reputation and I would be seen as some whorish home wrecker. Not that I really cared about what they thought of me, it was actually quite amusing. The innocent princess billionaire was a pregnant tramp. I'm sure they would expect that from Ang, not me. I couldn't do that to Edward. His reputation is part of his business, he needed it to make connections and stay on top with Carlisle.

"I'm gonna leave. Move away. Not tell Edward anything." I finally spoke. Alice gave me an incredulous look.

"He deserves to know."

"No, he doesn't. And you can't tell him either. I can easily raise a child on my own."

Alice sighed, "I won't tell him, but you should. It's his flesh and blood. And you aren't raising that child by yourself. Aunty Alice is gonna help you."

I frowned, "I'm moving to Italy."

"Then I'll move with you."

"What about Jasper?"

"He can come too, right? You are going to that awesome villa you guys have, right?"

"Yeah. Of course he can come. I just don't want it to be anything suspicious. Edward can't find out."

"What's so wrong with him knowing?"

"You really don't know? Tanya is pregnant and she is engaged to him. I don't know about her background and I don't want to make Edward choose between us. I have the finances to raise a child on my own... what if Tanya doesn't?"

"You know he'd give her a couple of million to raise the kid. She wouldn't be broke if he married you instead." Alice said, playing with a strand of my hair.

"Maybe I don't want to get married." I said quietly. It was somewhat true... I honestly didn't know what I wanted anymore. Yes, I loved him more than anything. I worshipped him, but now I have a baby to worry about. What if Edward isn't exactly the best father? He was always good to me, but from what I've heard... he's become a sort of playboy, taking as many women as possible as some sort of conquest in college.

"You are such a horrible liar." Alice teased. I just laughed a little in response, what was I to say?

"Well, I'm excited," Alice said as she stretched, "We're having a baby!"

****

"What are you doing here?" Jacob seemed perplexed.

"I need to talk to you." I said, pushing my way past him and into his condo. It was late, probably close to three in the morning, not that I really cared. I had to end things with him, he needed to know.

"Well, Whets up?" He asked while running his fingers through his hair. God, he looked so damn adorable all sleepy-eyed and clad in only a pair of black and red checkered boxers.

"I'm going to Italy." I said, trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"When will you be back?" He asked, sitting next to me on the plush sofa. I can't even remember when I sat down. It must be my nerves.

"I don't know. I might not come back." I said quietly.

"Why?"

I looked at him, "Do you remember when I told you I was with Edward on New Year's."

"Yes."

"Well because of that incident. I'm pregnant." There was a long pause and I almost thought maybe he had fallen back asleep.

"I'm gonna kill him." He said it so calmly with only a hint of anger. It didn't even sound like him.

"He's not going to know. He's gonna stay with Tanya and I'm gonna leave and raise the child on my own."

"No, you're not." Jacob said firmly.

"Yes I am."

"No, Bella. You're not."

I glared at him, "Yes, Jacob. I am. You aren't my father. I can do what I want."

"No, I'm not your father, but I'm going to be your husband."

I was shocked. What the hell was he talking about? "W...What?"

He grabbed my hand in his, "You are going to marry me and I will help you raise this child. I'll raise the baby as if it was my own."

I pulled my hand away, "I'm not going to marry you."

"Why not? I love you. You are my world. I'd do anything for you. Why won't you marry me?"

"Because I don't love you! I care about you, yes very much so, but we both know I'm still in love with Edward!"

"Bella please! I know you can grow to love me with time. A baby needs a father... please. Please let me love you."

I shook my head, "No, it isn't fair to you. You deserve someone that can give you all of them. I can't. Edward was my first and only love. I'm going to have his baby and I know with time you would grow to resent that baby because it is his, not yours and I don't want you hating me or the child."

"I could never hate you. I love you more than anything. Please, please... don't leave me. I need you. Don't break my heart." He was on his knees in front of me, grabbing my hands again.

I didn't know what to do. Do I leave him and have he go through everything I went through with Edward, or do I make him happy and marry him? I was confused. Totally and completely confused. It wasn't right for him to take care of me and a child that wasn't his. I could feel my palms going sweaty and I felt extremely dizzy all of a sudden.

"Can I lie down?" I asked quietly. He nodded and picked me up, carrying me to his bedroom. He layer down beside me and wrapped his arms around me protectively. His hand rested over my stomach and he softly rubbed it. Soon I fell into a peaceful sleep without having to worry about anything.

****

"What do you mean the villa is being renovated?" I rubbed the slight bulge on my stomach. I was four months, close to five, pregnant and I needed to move away now! But unfortunately my mother thought it would be best to renovate the villa. I swear I think everyone is against me!

"It's exactly what I said. It's being renovated."

"But... I was gonna live there for awhile. Raise the baby..." I didn't finish. I noticed the odd sparkle in my mother's eye and I frowned. The bitch planned this. She knew what I was planning and decided to be a mega bitch and do that.

"Well now you will just have to raise the baby here." She was way too happy. I frowned and planted myself in the large overstuffed chair of my daddy's office. By now both my parents knew that Edward was the father and also that Edward and Tanya were having major problems. They still had hoped that he and I would get together, completely disregarding the fact that Tanya was pregnant. There was still Jacob to consider, Ever since he found out I was pregnant, no matter it wasn't his baby, he had been doting on me like some loving husband. Still proposing every chance he got, still trying to take care of me, still professing his undying love. I had kept very far away from Edward, but I could tell he knew something was up when I saw him last month and refused alcohol, my excuse of not being in the mood didn't work, we were at a party.

"Darling, since you are staying here. I think we should announce your pregnancy at your birthday gala."

"I don't want a gala. I don't want anyone to know I'm pregnant cause then they will ask questions and no one needs to know who the father is." I was getting angry and also extremely upset; I was on the verge of tears.

"Oh baby," My mother came and wrapped her arms around me, "Don't worry. You are gonna upset the baby. Just relax. You are going to have a birthday gala, but we won't mention your pregnancy... although it will be very clear."

I was about to respond when Ang rushed into the room, looking very out of breath. She hunched over her knees and placed her hand on her chest, trying to steady her breathing.

"Ang, what's wrong?" My mother asked, looking very concerned. Normally, I could give a shit about Mandy and her bullshit, but she seriously looked like something wrong.

"Tanya... stairs... hospital... baby..," She was still out of breath but looked directly at me, "...miscarriage."

I felt completely and utterly sick.


	12. Betrayal

**Betrayal **

I was going to hell.

After I heard of the news that Tanya lost the baby... I was happy. 'Thrilled' would be the more fitting word. To think the stupid bitch fell down the stairs after an argument with Edward and now she lost his heir... which I still have. I knew it was wrong to be happy over someone else's misfortune. I knew that nothing good would come of my feelings. I also knew that karma was a bitch and I would definitely be getting bit in the ass in the near future. And yet I couldn't help myself... I was ecstatic.

That night, after Angela burst into the room and told us of the news I felt unbelievably sick... but then that feeling seemed to float away and I was filled with this warmth. I felt so warm and glowing with happiness, I couldn't even begin to describe where it came from, but I didn't want it to leave. I decided against going to the hospital with Ang and my mother, but I sent my condolences anyways. I layer on my bed and thought about everything that had happened. Even though she lost the baby, I knew he wasn't about to dump her. He had more respect for her than that; at least I think he does. Although he did leave me right out of high school. But I knew him and he did have a sense of right and wrong. She was hurt and vulnerable and he wouldn't abandon her, and I wouldn't let him... although a part of me, a huge part of me, wanted him to.

So now, weeks later, I stood at the bottom of the grand stair case with a hand resting over my very apparent pregnant belly welcoming guests to my birthday party. The Robert Cavalla backless, black, satin gown was wonderful and made me look radiant with my bulging stomach. But who I was kidding, I was pregnant and glowing. It was really odd; one could not tell I was pregnant except for the fact of my stomach. It seems all the weight I've gained from my constant cravings of chocolate fudge cake, pizza with mint frosting, and bottles and bottles of mustard only went to my stomach. Another thing I found funny was the idea of 'morning sickness'. That was such bullshit especially when I felt sick at any time, but morning. But that stage, thank god, already passed. Now it seems, at 5 and half months pregnant, I was in the completely and utterly horny stage.

For the past few days, I have not been able to get over this constant arousal I felt. I could feel myself getting hot at this moment, with Jacob's hand pressed into the small of my bare back as we greeted people. I unconsciously rubbed my thighs together, under my dress, trying to relieve some building pressure. My stomach wasn't too large to where I couldn't have sex, I just haven't really wanted to. I was pregnant and the fact that I would be doing that with a child growing inside me kind of freaked me out. I haven't had sex since New Years... and now it was highly taking its toll on me.

I excused myself from Jacob and made my way towards the rest room. I really needed to cool down my face, I felt extremely flushed and I knew I would definitely have to 'relieve' myself later. I was almost to the restroom when Alice grabbed me and pulled me aside. She hugged me tightly and ran her hand over my stomach.

"Wow the baby is moving all the time."

I nodded, "Yeah. He's very active."

Alice grinned, "So, you're having a boy?"

"Well, I wanted to keep it a secret, but yeah. I'm having a boy. Shah, don't tell anyone though."

Alice squealed and hugged me again, "Well I have news too."

I looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to spill it when she flashed her left hand in front of my face. I looked at her hand, in particular, her ring finger. A gorgeous emerald cut sapphire sat surrounded by diamonds on a platinum setting. I was guessing it was at least 3 carats...absolutely breathtaking. Jasper knew her well. He was always attuned to her favorite colors, which were a dark violet and midnight blue. The stone was dazzling and from the huge, blinding smile on her face... I knew she was a very happy woman.

"Wow," I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek, "It's beautiful. Congratulations. Where is he? I mean, wow this is so wonderful." I was so completely happy for her. I love her so much and of course I was just... so damn thrilled. She ran off to go find Jasper and I watched her for a moment before I heard a deep voice close to my ear.

"Beautiful ring." He whispered and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I kept my head forward; I didn't want him to notice my pregnancy yet.

"God, Edward. You are gonna give me a heart attack. Where's Tanya? She did come, didn't she?" I asked, fanning my face for some air. Damn, the room seemed to heat up like thirty degrees.

"She's over talking to Jacob." I felt his warm hand on my bare shoulder and instantly was wet. Dimmit, this is like cruel and unusual punishment. I cannot ever remember being this horny; I was always able to control myself. I took a few deep calming breaths and tried to relax.

"I'm sorry about the accident." I said quietly.

"Tanya took it very hard, but with the way we have been fighting... I'm almost relieved we didn't bring a child into the world. No doubt we wouldn't have stayed together long." He ran his thumb in a small circle over my skin.

"Y...you've been fighting?" I tried to still my voice and failed miserably. Fuck, I'm stuttering now? What the fuck is wrong with me. His soft caresses were really getting to me and I felt like I could cum on command. He really needed to stop before I embarrassed myself. Quickly, I turned around to face him.

Big mistake.

Our faces were so close; I could feel his warm breath on my lips. I stepped back a little. This could not go over well. His eyes roamed over my body and stopped on my protruding stomach. FUCK. I forgot he didn't know, Hell... I forgot I was pregnant. The only thing I didn't forget was the fact I wanted him bad and I was on the verge of throwing him down and fucking him until he couldn't walk.

His eyes stayed on my stomach, "She doesn't even wear her engagement ring anymore." His face clearly said that he was deep in thought, and then his eyes darkened considerably.

"I'm going to kill him." It was a simple statement, but his voice was so deep and hard. It scared me.

"Huh?" Yes, I know. Not the most intelligent thing to say, but I had no idea what he was thinking.

He continued staring intently at my stomach, probably trying to assess how far along I was. "I can't believe that asshole. I'm going to kill him. Touching what is mine. Tainting my beautiful Bella."

He seemed to be talking more to himself than me; he looked up into my eyes and ran his fingers along my cheek softly. I stared into his clouded green eyes, unsure of what he was thinking or who he was talking about. I rested my hand onto of his and took a deep breath.

"Edward, what are you talking about?"

He leaned close to me and kissed me sweetly. It wasn't a deep, passionate kiss, but beautiful and simple in itself. His lips were soft and warm and I felt like I could float away in it. His kiss made me want to completely surrender myself to him. At that moment, no one else was there. I knew there was probably a crowd full of people watching us, but I didn't care. He kissed me like I was the only thing that mattered to him, and I believed it.

He slowly pulled back and stared into my eyes, "Jacob got you pregnant. I'm going to kill him." He said it calmer than before, but it was still no less frightening. I rolled my eyes and pulled away from him.

"You are such a fucking prick." I could feel my eyes getting teary and I knew my hormones were going crazy.

"You don't mind that he got you pregnant?" His eyes were wide with disbelief. I slapped him, hard.

"Fuck, I hate you Edward Masen. You don't love me; you just love the idea of me. You wanted Tanya... you got her, but you can't stand the fact of someone else getting what was once yours. You aren't a spoiled child and I'm not your fucking toy! You get all possessive on me and want no one else to have me when you are out screwing half of New York's high society, and those you aren't fucking... you either already have or they are men. I don't know if you were ever faithful to me and honestly I don't care anymore, but I know for a fact you aren't faithful to Tanya. I know that besides me, you were fucking a few other women! Gwen and Jessica being two of them. You can't keep it in your fucking pants! You don't give a fuck about me until you find out I'm pregnant, it's like I'm some sort of game to you, and now that you can't play with me.. You're angry. Well fuck you!"

I knew I went overboard. But I was angry and horny and my hormones were out of control. I had no idea if he was fucking Gwen or Jessica, but by the look on his face I would say I wasn't far off from the truth. I turned around again and looked at him.

"Just so you know, I'm almost six months pregnant and when was the last time we fucked... oh that right, almost six months ago. New Years day to be correct. So yes, I'm pregnant with your child. But don't you think for one goddamn second, that I'm going to let you get anywhere near him." With that I turned and made my way quickly up the stairs.

I was happy I told him off. I was so sick of his shit, he could be such a complete asshole, but I loved him more than anything in this world. I made my way down the long winding hallways to Angela's room, I opened the door and walked in.

"Ang, you won't believe what just happen.." I froze. There was Angela getting fucked doggy style by Jacob. They both stopped also. We just stared at each other. It could have been a really funny moment, except for the fact I was still angry with Edward.

"Oh, don't stop on my account." My voice was bitterly sarcastic. Jacob winced at the tone of my voice and Angela tried to scramble away from him. Honestly, I really didn't care they were fucking. I mean yes, it hurt a little, but it wasn't like it was the end of the world. It was just a little upsetting to realize that all men were cheating bastards. I was also disappointed in Jacob, he was always so devoted to me. Hah, good act.

"Bella." Jacob pleaded

"It's not what I think?" I finished for him, and arched a brow, "Well, you claim to love me and want to marry me and here you are fucking my sister. How long has this been going on?"

"This was the first time"

"A month."

They said at the same time. I looked at Jacob intently. "A liar too? I know Ang has no reason to lie, but you try to tell me this was the first time. On my birthday no less?"

I rolled my eyes and turned around, "Well go ahead and finish what you've started. You guys make a fabulous couple."

I turned and went to my bedroom, rubbing my fingers over my temples. This was just the best birthday ever. I needed a hot soapy bath. I knew there was a huge party going on downstairs, but I seriously doubt anyone would miss me. Yes, a bath would be perfect.

****

Long after everyone went home from the 'best part of the year' or so some people were overheard saying, I was soaking in the bathtub, with bubbles up to my neck. I slowly trailed fingers along my stomach where the baby was moving about a lot.

"My son, my baby... what shall I name you?"

"Samuel?" No.

"Brandon?" No.

"Michael?" Maybe.

"Adrian?" No.

"Robert?" Maybe.

"Laurence?" No.

"Anthony?" No.

"James?" Maybe.

"Edward?" Fuck No.

I continued rubbing my belly and sighed. I was going to have to name my son and he would be stuck with that name until he was old enough to change it. I frowned. And more importantly, what of a last name? Should he take Swan and completely block away knowledge of his father or should I do the right, respectable thing and give him Masen?

I had a lot to think about and a lot to plan for the future.


	13. Hope

**Hope**

I looked at the ID on my cell phone. Carlisle? What the fuck was Carlisle calling for? It had been a few weeks since my birthday and the whole blow out I had with Edward. I was now well into my six months of pregnancy, more emotional than ever, and extremely sexually frustrated. Jacob had called and sent flowers numerous times to try and apologize, but I completely blew him off. Edward, on the other hand, was another story. Every day he would come to my house, begging to see me, claiming he loved me, and every day I would have one of the maids turn him away. I know I love him, so much more than I should. I know I'll always love him, and it's just awful. Well, since my party, everyone knows I'm pregnant and the reporters are going crazy with speculation of who the father is. Most think it's Jacob's, which made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. None have even mentioned the possibility of it being Edward's, considering he's still officially with Tanya. One gossip magi thought it would be grand if the baby was Edward's, the playboy and the princess of New York getting together and having a baby. What a fairy tale romance. Or some shitty headline likes that. The truth was... this was far from a fairytale.

I held up my finger to Alice, signaling her to give me a moment as I answered the phone, "Hey, Carlisle. What do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

"Bella." Carlisle said in a firm, but gentle voice, "I know your pregnancy is causing you to get emotional, but your child needs a father and Edward absolutely adores you..."

I cut him off before he could finish, "Carlisle, you know Edward's philandering ways. Can you honestly tell me that he would be faithful to me, and not abandon me again?"

"He loves you and he's been depressed since you've made it clear you want him to have nothing to do with you or your child. Don't forget that the child is his too and although he would never take you to court for custody, he is getting desperate... more to see you than anything else."

"Carlisle, what is he planning?" I was curious, Carlisle's tone of voice was odd and now I was getting a little worried. I was upset at the fact that Carlisle even mentioned the word 'custody' and kept insisting that Edward loves me. What a funny way he has showing it.

"Bella, I must go. I have an important meeting to attend to. Hopefully, I will see you soon." Carlisle quickly hung up, silencing any questions or further prying I might have had.

"What's going on?" Alice asked as she popped a peppermint in her mouth and continued holding up different nursery patterns.

"Alice, you and Edward are cousins. Would you say you know him pretty well?" I asked, looking at a baby animal style Noah's Ark pattern.

Alice eyed me and then shrugged, "Normally yes, but when it came to you... I was never sure. Why?"

"He's planning something. Carlisle did as much as say so, but I don't know what. Edward wants me now and is extremely upset that I won't see him." I replied as I tossed an olive green pattern off the pile.

"I like the Noah's Ark pattern too," Alice said as she held it up, "But yeah, maybe you should give Edward a chance. You guys were so wonderful together and anyways, you are having his baby. You guys are always gonna be tied to each other now."

"Alice," I dropped the yellow duck pattern and looked at her," Is he still with Tanya?"

"Well, officially... yes... but..."

"Then nothing. He's with her, not with me. I'm not going to be seen as some whorish home-wrecker or anything like that. End of discussion."

Alice sighed, "Bella, not everything is black and white. He loves you... everyone fucking know it. God, you guys are damn retarded for each other! You both need to stop being such idiots and get off your asses and be together like you are supposed to! If you guys aren't meant to be than I don't know who is."

"Are you finished?" I asked quietly, trying not to let her words affect me.

"Yes." She said and we continued looking at patterns in silence. Both of us lost in our own thoughts, until I finally got the courage to speak again.

"So, have you and Jasper set a date?"

Alice smiled and patted my round belly, "Sometime after our boy here comes out. I need my maid of honor fit and pretty for the ceremony."

I chuckled and shook my head. We could never stay upset at each other and it was nice knowing that after all these years, we were still best friends and nothing could get in the way of that.

"So are you still doing that interview for Vanity Fair?" Alice made a face at a hideous orange pattern with bright lime, green frogs on it.

I nodded, "Yeah I have a cover shoot at 5 a.m. tomorrow and then they are gonna interview me about what it's like to be 'New York's Princess' or something."

"Ohm, the cover? Are you gonna pull a Demy and do it nude?"

I laughed, "No. For one, I would feel so much like I was copying and two; I don't have the balls to be on a magazine cover naked, especially naked _and _pregnant."

We both laughed and continued on with our day. Picking out different patterns for the nursery and also stopping by a couple of designer stores to look at wedding gowns. It was nice, just the three of us... the baby would not stop kicking me and although I already loved him more than life itself, it was getting rather difficult to concentrate on anything, but his foot jammed up into my rib. Well, I was assuming it was his foot.

****

The photo shoot went extremely well. They did my make up light, like how I normally do it, left my hair down and curled and had me wear a simple black, silk slip dress that went perfectly against my golden complexion. They took many different shots, but decided they would stick with one that showed off my pregnant stomach. I was almost finished with the interview when the dreaded question came up.

"So, who's the father?" The interviewer asked it so nonchalantly that I was taken back.

I shook my head, "That is to remain a secret between the father and myself. I find it better if no one knew who he was."

"Oyo, married man?" The interviewer raised her brows in a suggestive manner.

I snorted very unlade like and shook my head, "No, not exactly. It is just other circumstances that keep me from revealing his identity."

"What about Edward Masen? You guys were extremely close and were in a hot and heavy romance when you were younger. What does he have to say about this?"

I was getting extremely angry at the interviewer, but before I could retort the interviewer's assistant came barging in the room with a bunch of copies of the morning paper. She tossed one at the interviewer whose eyes lit up after a moment, and handed one to me. I slowly looked down at the paper and only two words came out... "Oh Shit."

_**Edward Masen has announced through his publicist this morning of his break up with Tanya Denali. The couple has been on the rocks since before their engagement, but the real reason for the break-up can be attributed to New York's Princess Miss Isabella Swan. Edward said,**__ "Although it upsets me greatly that Tanya and I are parting ways, it is mealy for the fact that I am losing a friend. My heart has and always will belong to Miss Isabella Swan. I have been in love with her for as long as I can remember and I am also proud to announce that I am the father of her child. Soon after the child is born we will infect be getting married and we both plan to have a large, happy family." __**Now that Mr. Masen and Miss Swan are engaged, it puts the speculation of the father of her child to rest. We know New York wishes the happy couple the best of luck in their new family.**_

I slowly gritted my teeth and forced a smile on my face, "Well if you will excuse me. This interview is over. I need to go and speak with my_ fiancée_." My voice was strained and I knew it was about to crack. The interviewer just smiled and nodded, congratulating me and Edward on our bundle of joy. I stormed out of the building and got into my limo, requesting to be taken to Edward's penthouse. I was going to fucking kill him.

****

I banged on his door repeatedly, assuming that somehow that would make him answer it faster. When that didn't work I started kicking the door as hard as I could while wearing open toed platform sandals. Finally, Carlisle answered the door. Carlisle? What the fuck was Carlisle doing here? I pushed my way past him and went into the penthouse. I started looking for Edward, I was so livid I was seeing red.

"He'll be out in a minute." Carlisle said. I whirled around on him and pointed a finger.

"You fuck asshole! You knew what he was planning and you didn't try to stop him or tell me! You fuck... ugh! Get out I don't want to see you! You make me fucking sick."

Edward picked that moment to walk out into the living room where we were, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped low across his hips. It was a pleasant distraction to seen his finely chiseled chest and stomach, but I quickly remembered that I was angry and my sexual frustration was not going to win now.

"Well Now that you are here. I'll leave you both to... talk." Carlisle said and quickly left, locking the door behind him. Edward and I stood in silence for what seemed like hours, but in reality were only a few minutes. The tension was thick and I couldn't get myself over the urge to hit him as hard as I could.

"Bella..." Edward started, but before he could finish I slapped him as hard as I could. Leaving an angry red welt across his otherwise flawless skin. God, he is fucking gorgeous. I was instantly aroused again and tried, unsuccessfully, to calm the fire in my veins. He stared at me in anger and hunger, and I stared back. Neither of us backing down. Before I knew what had happened, his arms were around me and we were kissing each other with everything we had. The kiss was as passionate as it was desperate, our lips and tongues trying to hold onto the other for dear life.

He only broke the kiss to whisper how beautiful I was and then quickly reclaimed my lips, licking and sucking on them until they were swollen and bruised. Before long we were in his bedroom, and somewhere along the way I had lost my clothes. He layers me gently on the bed, kissing every inch of my skin, whispering words of love and enchantment. I was completely lost to him.

He placed himself behind me, spooning me while affectionately kissing my neck. I was moaning softly as his hands caressed my nipples with such tender care I could cry. He left hot, open mouth kisses along my shoulder as he slowly thrust himself into me. Fuck, it was heaven. We layer there for a few minutes, just reveling in the feel of each other. Him deep inside me, holding me, loving me.

"I'll always love you." His hot breath on my neck, sent shivers down my spine and slowly he began to slide in and out of me, causing me to whimper in pleasure at the feelings he was causing inside of me. The movements began softly enough, but soon we were both frantically rubbing our bodies against each other, trying to reach our completion together. He softly flicked his tongue against my earlobe, and that, combined with the feeling of him inside me and his hard chest pressed against my back, sent me over the edge. I dug my fingers into the silk sheets and screamed his name as loud as I could. I felt him tense and moan my name loudly as he spilled himself into me.

He held me tightly, almost as if he was scared I would vanish if he loosened his grip. We layer there for hours in the comfort of each other's arms. He whispered repeatedly how much he needed me. How much he loved me. For once, I felt complete. I knew we shouldn't have slept together, but it felt right. I wanted to stay angry at him, but I couldn't. He placed his hand on my stomach, gently caressing the child I was carrying, our child. We had been fighting for so long and had been through so much.

Maybe it was time to make ourselves happy...


	14. Here We Go

**Here We Go…**

Life is a funny thing.

Almost a year ago I was at a party, drunk and stumbling around trying to get away from Mike Newton only to run into the man who has been plaguing my dreams for six years. To boot, he was with his gorgeous, perfect little girlfriend. Now, I'm on my large, fluffy bed wearing a moo-moo type lavender pajama top stuffing my face with cherry pop tarts and banana yoo-hoos while trying to keep my bladder from wanting to burst every twenty minutes while being seven months pregnant. Life is indeed a very funny thing.

Since last month with Edward and I 'making up' or whatever the fuck it's called the wont leave me alone. Granted, normally I'm all for his attentions and love, but now I'm pregnant and it's his fault I'm having back pains and I feel like a bloated walrus, although he repeatedly tells me I look stunning and he thinks he should get me pregnant more often. When he makes those snide comments, I don't hesitate in giving him a Charlie horse. He's been visiting me every day, he usually tries to stay the night, but I refuse. He says he misses me and he says he loves me, but I'm still uncertain. Things have been going too well lately and I know shits about to blow up in our faces. I'm waiting for the next bit of drama to unfold.

At the moment I'm watching an Inuyasha marathon. It's one of my favorite amines besides 'Samurai Shampoo' and 'Fruits Basket'. The whole love triangle bothers me between Inuyasha, Kagome, and Kikuyu. Personally, I find Inuyasha endearing. His personality reminds me very much of Edward... harsh and seemingly uncaring although a big softy underneath. Kagome I find sweet and loud and perfect as she is. I can understand Inuyasha's hesitance to let Kikuyu go. He remembers her as the sweet, calm mike maiden he was in love with... not the cold, vindictive bitch she's become.

Funny. I don't remember Edward saying he would be visiting today... although he has made it a habit recently. And here he is, looking gorgeous and making me feel even more of a sea cow because I look all rumpled and ugh. I can't complain though, if nothing else... I can use him as delicious eye candy.

"Baby, get dressed. I have a surprise for you." His silky voice floated from the doorway he was leaning against.

I brushed my side bangs behind my ear and eyed him, "A surprise? What kind of surprise?"

He grinned, "You'll love it. I promise! Please get dressed."

I gracefully plopped out of bed, well as gracefully as a seven month pregnant whale could plop out of anything. I quickly changed into a nice baby pink summer dress with a white cardigan over it and a pair of strappy white sandals, extremely thankful that my ankles were not swollen as of yet and they still looked petite and dainty. I put my long hair up into a high pony tail and put on a light powder and shimmer lip gloss. Just because I felt like a beast didn't mean I had to look like one.

He grabbed my hand as we walked down the stairs, giving it a light squeeze before locking our fingers together. "You're so beautiful." He whispered. I simply smiled and let him lead me out to his Rolls Royce Phantom.

****

"Can I take this off now?" I pulled at the blindfold I was wearing.

"No, we're almost there."

I sighed and sat back in my seat. What a bunch of bullshit. It's my fucking surprise, but I have to wear a damn blindfold. I angrily crossed my arms over my enlarged chest and rested them on my protruding stomach. Edward chuckled at my behavior and it made me even angrier.

"Bella you are 22 years old, act like it. Hmm?"

"I'm pregnant and bloated and it's your entire fault." I replied.

I felt his hand rest on my stomach and I could feel the smile in his voice, "Baby you are the most beautiful woman in the world. You aren't bloated, but absolutely glowing. And the proof of our love is growing inside you, the proof that I love you more than anything in this world is right here." He rubbed my stomach affectionately.

I shifted uncomfortably and felt my anger flare, "Sure, but if you don't remember... that same proof was growing inside Tanya too."

I heard him sigh before replying, "Tanya... that whole thing was never supposed to happen. She and I were not meant to be together, but I and you are. I love you... I never told her that."

We remained in silence for the rest of the car ride, eventually the car slowed before coming to a complete stop. He helped me out of the car and held my hand tightly as he led me up some stairs. I felt him move behind me and untie my blindfold before placing his hands on my shoulders. When I opened my eyes, I was stunned.

In front of me was a beautiful cerulean mansion with white marble columns. It had a large walkway leading up to the double doors, but in the center of the walkway was a giant fountain. The 'palace' was absolutely gorgeous.

"You... you bought me a house?" I turned around to see him grinning.

"No," He shook his head, "I built us a house."

I was speechless.

****

"He's so romantic. Building you a house and everything." Alice sighed dreamily, which was totally unlike her. I just smiled widely in return. Yes, Edward had a house built for us. I was so completely happy I thought my face would break from smiling so much. I watched as Alice leaned forward to grab her herbal tea and her glittering ring caught my eye. It was rather odd, Edward told the press he was going to marry me, but hasn't mentioned it at all. Yes, he built a house... but no ring or promises or anything. It bothered me.

"You okay?" Alice's voice brought me out of my inner musings. I simply nodded and smiled weakly, trying to get my mind on something else.

"So, you have like two months left... I really need to start getting the plans for your baby shower together. Have you decided on a theme?"

I shook my head, "I'm stuck between Noah's Ark with the baby animals or a baby Winnie the Pooh theme. Although I think I'm leaning more towards the baby animals because Winnie the Pooh is kind of girly."

Alice giggled, "What the hell is a 'pooh bear'? That is like the most ridiculous thing ever and come on... his name is Winnie? This isn't the fucking Wonder Years!"

I laughed. It was rather amusing... Winnie the Pooh. Haha. I wiped the tears from my eyes and smiled, "Yes, the I suppose the baby Noah's Ark it is."

"Excellent." Alice said as she wrote down some things on a paper tablet she pulled from God knows where. "Hey, do you think you are going to breast feed?"

I bit my lip in contemplation, "I'm gonna try. I mean I hear it's rough and although the nurses always say it doesn't hurt if you do it right, I've never met a breast feeding woman who said it didn't hurt. Some magazine said something about roughening up my nipples with a toothbrush... the whole thing sounds like too much trouble, but if it will help ease the pain that these engorged monsters have been causing me... then I'm sure as hell gonna try. So yes, I've decided I will breastfeed."

Alice giggled, "So do you want a manual or a battery operated breast pump?"

"Battery operated... I don't have the patience to squeeze that stuff out myself." We both broke out into a fit of laughter at my admission of laziness. God I love Alice to death, she is the best thing ever.

"So what has caused my two favorite ladies to twinkle with laughter?" Edward's voice caused me to jump and I turned to see him walk in the room.

"God Edward can you get any gayer?" Alice told him, and we both started laughing again at the scowl on his face. He sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around me, leaving soft kisses on my neck.

"We were talking about breast pumps and toothbrushes." I said as I turned my head to the side, giving him better access.

"Hmmm..." He breathed against my neck, "Well, I can't think of anything better than breast pumps and toothbrushes, but I wanted us to all go out tonight. As a celebration of sorts, we haven't all gotten together since everything happened with Tanya and the miscarriage, and I wanted to have a party of sorts."

"That's a wonderful idea!" Alice exclaimed and jumped off the sofa, "I'm gonna go call everybody!"

It was a good idea, all of us getting together... Emmet, Rosalie, Jasper, Gwen, Mike, Alice, Edward, and myself. It should be wonderful. I smiled and hugged Edward, thankful for his wonderful idea. He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips and smiled.

"I'll pick you up at seven."

I nodded and gave him another quick kiss and watched him leave. It would be nice, a whole lot of fun, the gang back together... I couldn't wait.

****

"Baby you look breathtaking."

"I know, you've told me repeatedly." I smile brightly and kissed Edward on the cheek. He had been complimenting me since he picked me up. It was hard to feel beautiful when you felt like a 400 pound hippo, but the simple royal blue Calvin Klein maternity cocktail dress I wore complimented my bulging belly perfectly. Edward himself looked his usual strikingly handsome self in a black pinstripe Armani suit.

We walked into the large restaurant/nightclub Blackstone and went to the back VIP room where all our friends where waiting... and some surprises. There, looking simple yet sexy was Jacob Black with my darling sister on his arm. I felt a small surge of anger and I turned to Edward.

"What the fuck is he doing here?" I whispered rather harshly.

He patted my shoulder, "It would be good if you go make up and be friends, it isn't good to hold grudges."

I rolled my eyes, this advice coming from the biggest bastard ever. Like hell I was gonna just let this go. What a fucking prick. I hastily pulled myself away from him and walked away. It was a times like this I wish I could drink. I would kill for a shot of bourbon at the moment. I sat at a table in the corner and looked through my handbag for some sort of chocolate or candy. I needed something to get my mind off the anger pronto.

"Bella?"

FUCK. I mentally cursed myself and tried to paste a convincing smile on my face, "Hey Jake."

The dick took that as an invitation to sit across from me and pretend everything was perfectly fine. We sat in silence for a few minutes, me continually searching through my purse and him staring at me intently. Finally, he broke the silence.

"So, how's being pregnant?"

"How's fucking my sister?"

Ouch. I know that was mean, but I couldn't help myself. The fucker was just asking for me to be hostile. His face looked like I physically hit him or something, I don't know why... it's not like I was being that mean.

"I guess I deserve that."

"No, you deserve a lot worse."

Silence again. During this whole exchange, I still haven't looked up from my bag. I honestly don't want to look at him. I was angry at him, I was angrier at Edward for inviting him without telling me. Fucking asshole. All men are pricks; hopefully my son won't be one too... but with Edward as his father...

..Apples don't fall too far from the tree.

"Princess I'm so sorry for everything. Please... please forgive me..." His voice was pleading and it was annoying the shit out of me.

I looked at him, "Jake what it you want from me is?"

"I'm in love with you... I want you back... I know I fucked up but Edward fucks up way more than I do and you forgive him, please... give me another chance."

Either Jacob was oblivious to the past few months or fucking retarded. He really expects me to drop Edward and take him back after he swore eternal love to me and then went and fucked my sister. At least Edward has taste and never went down that road which is called Angela. I just stared at him in shock. I was about to answer when Edward's loud yell of "FUCKING BITCH!" stopped me. I stood up and went to him, he grabbed me and kissed me deeply and then pushed me away.

"I've got to go," He said, his voice sounded curt and angry, "Can you get a ride home from Alice?"

I nodded, "What's wrong?"

He looked at me, his eyes seemed almost filled with disbelief, "That bitch... Tanya, she is suing me for palimony. Saying I promised to marry her. Normally I would just give the bitch money to shut up... but she wants three-fourths of my fortune. The bitch is fucking tripping."

I almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation but I held my tongue. I can't believe this shit, but I wasn't stupid. I understood what the underlying implications of her pending lawsuit meant. Edward would be tied up in courts and barely able to see me at all. She knew what she was doing, making it nearly impossible for us to see each other.

I dumbly nodded my head and stared with sad eyes as he walked out of the restaurant. I suddenly didn't feel like celebrating anymore. I found Alice and quietly asked her to take me home.

****

"Edward..."

"WHAT!" He sounded so angry that I visibly flinched.

"I'm sorry." I whispered quietly into the phone.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed and I don't know what I'm going to do and everything."

"We haven't talked for over a week. You haven't come to see me and every time I call your secretary says you are in a meeting," He was completely silent. I blew out a breath and tried to cheer him up, "I talked to Alice and she said the baby shower is all set for two weeks."

"That's great babe." He sounded so tired.

"You... you are going to be there right?" I asked hopefully. There was an extremely long pause and then a tired sigh.

"Baby, I love you so much, but the lawyers think it would be best if we didn't see each other for awhile. This lawsuit is going to try and rip me apart and I don't want you to be brought into it." His voice was strained and I could tell he didn't want to do it.

"So... we're breaking up then?" My voice cracked and I cursed myself for it. I wanted to be strong and prove that I was okay and everything was fine.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm so sorry." He kept repeating that over like a mantra, hoping that maybe if he said it enough times it would make everything okay.

I hung up the phone.


	15. Stuipd Girl

**Stupid Girl**

I smiled at everyone as they played those stupid baby shower party games. I wasn't really in the mood to play, so I sat to the side, softly humming to my stomach. The baby shower ended up being pushed back another three weeks in hopes that Edward would be able to clear up this whole mess with Tanya and be there for me, but that could not come to pass. Alice decided to have the party at my new mansion, which was nice. Carlisle told me that Edward insisted that I moved in and prepared everything and got comfortable, because it was my house after all. It was rather depressing... Everyone was at this baby shower, even Jacob and Carlisle, but not Edward. I hadn't talked to Edward since that phone call and he hasn't even tried to contact me at all. This whole ordeal was ridiculous and I could not stand it.

"He misses you dearly you know."

I looked at Carlisle and smiled weakly, "I just want to see him. I'm lonely, so very lonely."

Carlisle gave me a half hug, which was rather awkward with my giant stomach. Indeed they say in the last so many weeks of pregnancy the baby doubles in size, and the back pains from all the extra weight are excruciating.

I turned my attention to the new game that was being played. I stifled a laugh as Jasper sat blindfolded on his knees, holding a giant bowl on his head while trying to scoop up cotton balls with a spoon. These games were absolutely ridiculous, but I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at the thought of Carlisle being in the same position.

I saw Alice glance at her ringing cell phone and then stand up and leave the room. I was about to follow her when I felt a hand on my arm. I inwardly groaned as Jacob smiled a little too brightly at me.

"Hi Jacob." I said cheerily, still trying to see where Alice went.

"You look radiant." His voice was so sincere. I smiled politely at him and nodded my thanks, but he didn't let go of my arm. I looked at him questioningly and raised an eyebrow. "Have you thought about what I said?"

"No," I said bluntly, "What is there to think about?"

"I want to take care of you."

"I don't need to be taken care of. I'm perfectly able to take care of myself and my baby." I shrugged off his arm.

"Where is he then?" His voice was bitter.

"Are you implying that I need _HIM_ to take care of me?"

He was silent.

I rolled my eyes, "Are you jealous? I'm not some stupid game for you two to bet over or whatever."

"He doesn't love you."

I laughed. I really didn't mean to, but I couldn't help myself. I laughed. Hard. What the fuck was he thinking? That he did love me? Yes, sleeping with my sister was a sure way to prove that. I shook my head and walked away from him, still chuckling. What a fucking moron. I got closer to the hallway when I heard Alice's voice, she sounded really angry.

"Well if you love her then why aren't you here?"

There was a pause, probably giving space for the person on the other side of the line to reply.

"Who the hell cares about her? Your duty is here. She's fucking miserable."

Another pause.

"She's celebrating the fact that she's about to give birth to your child and you can't put this legal bullshit behind you for one day and be here for her!"

Edward. I must be stupid to not have realized who she was talking to. Who else would it be, but Edward? Who else was expecting a child soon? Who else was as big as a fucking whale and felt like they had to pee every fucking 5 minutes! I took a deep breath and quietly walked up behind Alice, who was too busy chewing out Edward to know I was there.

"... And I don't care what kind of shit she is trying to pull. Pay her off or..." Alice was abruptly cut off when I snatched the phone out of her hand.

"Alice, please stop bitching already." I heard his exasperated tone.

"Edward Masen was never one to say please." I smirked.

"Bella?"

I nodded and then realized that I was retarded because he cannot see me nod while we are having a phone conversation. "Yes." I quickly supplied so he wasn't left with dead air.

"How... how are you?" I smiled at the tone of his voice. He almost sounded unsure of himself.

"I would be better if you were here. I miss you."

He sighed, "I miss you too baby. I miss you so much."

I bit my lip, "Couldn't you come over and visit? Just for a little while?"

Long pause.

"It's really not a good idea..."

"But it's not forbidden? You can come see me?" I was sounding so hopeful; I could almost see his resistance crumbling.

"It's really not something I should be doing. I'm sorry." He did indeed sound very sorry, but I was still more than a little hurt.

"So you can, but you won't?"

"Bella, it's not like that..."

"Then what is it like Edward? It isn't against some fucking cardinal rule that you can't see me! It's not like you were married to her! I can't possibly see how this entire thing would affect her... You just refuse to see me. I'm fucking about to pop in the next few weeks, but you rather be a complete asshole and deal with your court bullshit instead of spending time with me! And that reminds me, what happened to us getting engaged and all that other shit you told the media! I have no fucking ring on my finger!"

There was a long silence and then he finally answered, his voice sounding amused, "Are you done with your hormone induced rant?"

"Fuck you." I said, my voice filled with venom, before quickly snapping the phone closed. What a fucking prick. One minute he is all sweet and the man of my dreams, the next he is a total fucking jerk off and yet still the man of my dreams. I was only torturing myself. I knew it. Being in love with someone like him, who was used to getting everything and anything he wanted. Only showing his soft, vulnerable side at certain times. I glared angrily at the phone, tempted to throw it at the wall in some hopes that it would hurt him.

Alice knew of my violent tendencies and quickly grabbed the phone out of my hand, holding it to her chest like it was her lifeline.

"Don't hurt my baby."

"It's just a phone." I said a lot calmer than I expected. I knew what I needed to do. I wasn't giving up on Edward although I should because he is a complete and utter prick. But I love him and you have no control over who you fall in love with. The world is a completely fucked up place and love is even worse. This would be the part where I would think of some clever quote about love that I once read or heard somewhere, but right now I'm way too pissed to think. I needed to find Emmet and fast.

I quickly made my way to the main room where everyone was eating cake. Rather rude considering I wasn't even present to cut it or have it presented to me, but yeah.. Whatever. I grabbed Emmet, who was currently in the process of stuffing his face full of chocolate cake with banana and Bavarian crème filling, and pulled him aside.

"What's up Legs?" He asked with his mouth full.

I shook my head, "I need a favor. I need it now."

"Whoa, Bella what are you planning? I've seen that look on you face before."

I glared at him, "It doesn't matter what I'm planning will you help me or not?"

He sighed and rubbed his head nervously, "I could never deny you anything. Especially now that you are pregnant. Edward would kill me anyways if I said no. You are his number one priority."

"Bullshit," I said under my breath, "I don't want Edward to know about this..." I saw his eyes fill with curiosity, but I continued before he could ask, "I need you to find out where Tanya Denali is staying at in New York."

He looked at me with a mixture of shock and apprehension, "Tanya address? I don't know about that. This doesn't seem like it could be good."

I rolled my eyes, "I didn't ask you how it seemed. I could simply be asking to have tea with her. For fucks sake, don't pussyfoot around me now. Get me her fucking address."

He nodded reluctantly, "Fine. I'll text it to your phone within the hour."

I smiled brightly at him and kissed his cheek, "Thanks Me, you are the best."

He just smirked and went to get more cake.

****

I checked my phone again to make sure I had the right place. Winter Gardens, suite 2194. The Winter Gardens is this beautiful, recently restored hotel from the 1920s. It got its name from the fact that during winter, the snows freezes all of the outdoor gardens completely preserving all of the plants, almost making it look like a stilled paradise. Like a real like Norman Rockwell painting.

I softly knocked on the doors to the suite, patting down my dress while waiting for her to answer. She swiftly opened the door and froze. We stared at each other for a few moments before a large, and rather sinister looking, grin appeared on her face.

"Bella, how are you?"

"Can I come in?" I asked quietly, trying to keep from flinching at that creepy smile. She nodded and moved aside for me to enter the room. I went into the living room area of the multiple room suites and made myself comfortable on the sofa. She sat across from me, completely oblivious to the fact that her robe was peeking open.

"Did I come at a bad time? You don't seem... dressed for company."

She giggled and shook her head, "No, I just was preparing to shower, nothing that can't wait."

I nodded and fiddled my hands together, "Look. I don't know why you are suing Edward, but please... please can't you call it off, and take some deal that Edward is offering you? Please."

She stared at me intently, "We were going to be married until you came and fucked it all up. Why should I let you two be happy? You don't deserve it." Surprisingly, her voice held no malice. She seemed rather indifferent.

"I love him. I've loved him way longer than you could imagine. I've grown up with him! He's been my life for as long as I can remember. You didn't even love him anymore... you didn't even want to have his baby! Why are you being like this?" I knew my voice was sounding more and more frantic, but I couldn't help it. I felt like seeing her was my only option.

"None of that matters to me." She shrugged.

I wanted to scream and rip her hair out. I wanted to yell at her and call her a bitch. I wanted to ask how Edward could ever like someone like her. I sighed and stared at my lap for a few moments. I knew that it would probably come down to this, but I was hoping she would be reasonable. I opened my purse and took out my check book.

"How much?"

She looked at me surprised for a moment and then shook her head, "I don't want your money."

"My money isn't good enough, but Edward's is? How much!"

She didn't answer and just stared at me.

"I'll write you a check right now for 10 million if you drop the lawsuit and leave and never bother us again." I said it without looking at her

She eyed me and then smiled viciously as I heard someone enter the room; I turned around to see Edward dressed only in a towel, staring at me in shock. I swallowed hard as I felt the bile rise to my throat. It was abundantly clear that they fucked. I felt my eyes grow watery and somewhere in the back of my mind, I registered Tanya's voice...

"Stupid girl, it was never about the money..."


	16. Deceit

**Deceit **

I continued to stare at Edward.

He stared back at me.

We were both looking like deer caught in headlights. He also looked ashamed... extremely ashamed. I blinked back the tears that were threatening to overflow and took a few calming breaths. I was upset. I was angry. I was completely horrified. I looked back at Tanya who had smug expression on her face. I have never wanted to smack someone as hard as I wanted to smack that bitch.

The silence was deafening.

No one moved.

We hardly breathed.

The trance was broken when Edward took a step towards me. I reverently shook my head and reached for my purse. I shakily stood up, resting one hand on my stomach for comfort, and stared at the floor.

"I see... I'm... interrupting. I'll... I'll just be on... on my w...way." My voice was unsteady and cracking way more than I wanted it to.

"Bella... It's..." Edward started, but I shook my head and continued to the door. The pounding of my heart in my ears was so loud; I thought they might be able to hear it too. I felt completely detached from the situation, yet utterly devastated at the same time. _How could he do this to me! _That thought kept running wild in my head.

I slowly opened the suite door and closed it behind me. I stumbled blindly down the hallway with tears in my eyes, trying to make it to the elevator with as much dignity as I could muster. I know that they fucked. There was no way they couldn't have been fucking. But a part of me hoped there is some miracle reason as to why Edward was only dressed in a towel. Maybe, just maybe... since Tanya isn't all that fond of modesty she was only dressed in a robe when Edward came over and then maybe they were drinking coffee or something while discussing the lawsuit and then.. Perhaps he spilled it on himself and she threw his clothes in the wash while he took a quick shower..? Maybe, but most likely not.

I was almost to the elevator when I heard someone running to catch up to me. Damn these fucking long as hallways. I started walking a little faster, but I was stressed enough as it was and the baby started kicking something fierce. I pressed the down arrow repeatedly, hoping that somehow that would make the elevator come faster. I think we all do it as a comfort thing when we all know that it doesn't work. But I kept pressing it anyways. I was in the process of pressing it a billionth time when I was quickly spun around and came face to face with an out of breath Edward.

"Please..." He gasped out, "Just listen..."

I didn't say anything, and I assume he took that as his cue to continue.

"I did this for us."

I stared at him. What kind of fucking idiot did he take me for? I didn't know whether to slap him, or kiss him. It's bothersome that he always has that affect on me, even more so that even after he fucked Tanya... I still want to kiss him.

"What?" I said slowly and calmly trying to keep my temper in check, I didn't need to stress myself out any more than necessary.

"I did this for us." He repeated and it didn't seem like he was going to elaborate. I tried, I really truly tried to keep my temper in check, but I snapped.

"For us? For me! Are you fucking retarded! You FUCKED her! How is that possibly something you would do for me, for us! Is that how you show someone you love them! Is it! Well Edward Masen I love you so damn fucking much I think I'll go fuck Jacob AND Carlisle! Now that's a whole lot to love isn't it!"

"I didn't wanna sleep with her! But I did it for you; I'd do anything for you..."

My anger quickly turned into despair, "How is this for me?" My voice was pleading for answers and I suddenly felt so completely exhausted from this whole ordeal. He must have noticed because he reached out to hold me, but I pushed him away and instead settled for leaning against the wall. I hung my head and tried to regulate my breathing as more tears started to fall.

"Bella, Baby..." He sounded weak, drained, but I didn't look at him... I left my head down and my eyes closed, "I had to do it. When we spoke on the phone on the day of the baby shower you sounded so upset and hurt, you wanted me... needed me, and I couldn't be there. Tanya called me last week and set up an appointment to talk to me today. I showed up at her suite and she was only dressed in that flimsy robe. She told me that if I slept with her one last time, she would drop the lawsuit and never bother us again. She wouldn't ask for money or anything. What was I supposed to do?"

I looked at him, "You didn't even think of the consequences?"

"I just wanted to be with you..." He said quietly. That would have been a most romantic moment if not for the fact that a few seconds before he was talking about fucking Tanya. We stared at each other, both trying to decipher what the other was thinking. Then Tanya's words replayed back to me..._ 'Stupid Girl, it was never about the money....' _and it all clicked.

I quickly took off back to the suite, a flustered and confused Edward trailing behind me. I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner. Fuck.

I didn't even knock and instead threw the suite door open. Tanya was casually lounging, still in her robe, on the sofa. She looked a little surprised and startled to see us, but then smirked.

"I see you're back." She said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

I chuckled, "Cut the bullshit. I can't believe it. I never gave you enough credit. You really are a fucking nutcase."

She looked taken back, "What are you talking about?"

"You fucking miserable little bitch." I shook my head, "I can't believe Edward fell for it."

Edward looked at me, "What are you talking about?"

I turned to him, "Don't you fucking see! Yeah, she filed the fucking palimony suit, but she never intended to go through with it. She did this to ruin us. She filed the suit and then made some bullshit thing about fucking her one last time... knowing that I would have eventually found out. How could I possibly stay with you, knowing that you fucked her after promising yourself to me?"

Edward looked confused for a moment and then he realized what I was saying was true.

"She's miserable and she wants everyone to be miserable too."

Tanya glared at me, angry that I found out her little plan or whatever. But it was too late, it worked. How was I supposed to trust Edward! He could have told me, we could have done something. Hell, I might have even agreed... but he didn't. I had to find out by seeing it for my own eyes. I shook my head in disgust and quickly left the suite, Edward right behind me.

"Bella..."

"She won." My voice was quiet and I couldn't bear to look at him.

"What?"

"She did this to break us. And she won. You could have come to me, told me... I would have helped you, but you didn't. You went behind my back to fuck her, whether it was for me or not, you fucked her. How... how am I supposed to trust you now? How am I supposed to be with you?"

"Fuck! Bella please, don't walk away from me again. I've fought so hard to be with you."

"And you threw it all away with not telling me!"

Edward grabbed me and brought me close to his chest. He kissed me deeply and with such intensity that it scared me. His lips and tongue felt like Heaven and I lost myself in his kiss. He pulled back and I stared at him dazed. "You can't tell me you didn't feel that. You can't say that we don't belong together. I know you Bella, I know you better than you know yourself. We need each other; we can't survive without each other. I'm not letting you get away again."

I didn't answer him. I stepped quietly into the elevator and watched him watching me as it closed. I leaned back against the mirrored wall and took a deep breath. Everything was happening so quickly. I didn't know what to do. What could I do? Yes, I loved him with every fiber of my being, I wanted to be with him and only him, but... he fucked her. There was no tiptoeing around the fact that he stuck his dick in her. He didn't even come to me for help. I know the almighty Edward Masen rarely asked for help, but... this was more than just regular 'oh I need advice' type of thing. I shook my head.

I need my mommy.

****

"We're going to induce you."

I stared at the doctor like he was insane, "What? I mean, I still have a few weeks to go."

He smiled at me a patted my hand, "Bella, you have been more stressed than normal lately and your fluid is rather low. We think it would be best at this time, for the health of you and your child, to induce."

I nodded dumbly, "So I go home now and when do I come back?"

Dr. King chuckled, "Sweety, you aren't going anywhere. We are going to admit you to the hospital right now. Go ahead and call those you need to, to let them know."

I took a deep breath. And debated on who to call. Edward? I wasn't sure... We hadn't talked in a few days since the incident. I'm terrified to talk to him, so I haven't been returning his calls. Yes, I'm a coward running away from my problems, but if I don't see them head on, and then it's like they aren't there. I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed a number.

I waited for it to pick up and then I heard the smooth voice say "Hello."

I took a deep breath,"Daddy... you won't believe what I'm about to tell you."


	17. New Life

**New Life**

I hate this fucking hospital. I've been here since almost 9:30 this morning and its going on 7 in the evening. I've been here for fucking hours. It is horrible to be induced. I haven't even started cramping nor has my water broken. Every three hours or so a nurse comes in, sticks her fingers up my vagina to feel my cervix to see if I'm opening at all, and if not... they send in another nurse to do the exact same thing, but instead of feeling me up... she sticks another cervix softening pill up there.

But it gets worse... if the nurse has short fingers... which it seems almost all of them in the hospital do. They almost make me bleed by trying to shove them up there so far. Sometimes I wonder why they just don't stick their whole hand in there. Yes, it would be painful, but a baby is gonna pop outta there soon anyways.

So then I'm walking the hallways, trying to help induce contractions and possible get my water to break. Yes, they want you to walk a lot right before you pop, because it helps relaxes muscles or some bullshit theory of theirs. On top of that... they won't feed me and all I can have is ice chips. I guess they don't want me peeing on the baby or something. I don't know, nor do I care. I would kill for a fucking brownie right now.

The hospital is so damn bland. The walls are this off-white... almost eggshell color. They have these borders traveling along the top of the hallways with little pink and blue baby feet. I see all these other pregnant women bouncing around getting ready to give birth. The worst is when the recognize me, their first response is for my autograph, the second is they ask where Edward is. Yes, most of these women are married and they still wanna fuck Edward. It's disgusting really.

So now I'm making my way back to the drab, mauve colored room where I will be giving birth. Alice is sitting in a chair, talking quietly on the phone. I swear to god if she is on the phone with Edward I am going to beat her fucking ass. Normally I am not so irritable, but I am starving. To make things worse, Jasper is sitting in the corner chewing down on a double from In-n-Out. My god, I want to stab him in the eye with a needle or something.

I rub my face and lay back on the bed. I'm exhausted and all I want is to get this child out of me. I'm at the end of my rope. I want my baby and I want everyone else to go away. The nurse is coming. I can hear the clack of her ugly ass shoes on the floor coming down the hall. She is one of the smuttiest women ever. I have no idea why she is even working in this department. She could meet way more men somewhere else. She's kind of tall, rather slim... total implants, with bleach blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I could almost say she was pretty if it wasn't for all the make-up. But I guess some guys like the whole 'I'm a total whore and I wear too much make-up, do you wanna fuck me in a closet' look. Her name was Daisy. Yes, daisy. The fucking Girl Scout beginner flower bullshit. All I can say is... Daisy is a cow's name, not a person. If her parents were gonna name her after a flower, why not a better one... like Rose or Lilly or Violet. My god, Daisy?

But I digress, the blonde bimbo is here now, asking me politely to lie on my hands and spread my legs. I can hear Alice tell Jasper that he better keep his eyes off of my naughty parts or Edward will kill him. I sigh and blow my bangs out of my eyes. Who cares about Edward! I surely don't. He's a fucking prick that can rot in hell with all his other little whores and blah. I'm so emotionally drained from this whole ordeal.

"You are at a 3, hinny. You will be having this baby tonight." Daisy says, smacking loudly on some bubblegum. I don't even know when she started chewing it, but it is giving me a massive headache.

"Really, Daisy? I'm going to be a grandmother!" My mother squeals in the corner like a fucking hog at a rodeo. I roll my eyes. Of course she is gonna be a fucking grandmother, I am pregnant. It's not like I can change that.

"So, where is Mr. Masen?" Daisy tries to sound casual, but I know she's looking for a way to meet him, possibly fuck him. I glare at her.

"Who mentioned Masen?" I asked suspiciously.

"Well, he is the father. Everyone knows. I just assumed you would want him here for the birth." Daisy said, pretending to check over my chart, "You guys are in love right? Solo romantic and he are so handsome."

I closed my eyes choosing to ignore the handsome/romantic remarks and just comment on what I know for sure, "I do not want him here. I doubt he wants to be here. He isn't coming."

"He is the father; he does have the right to know."

I didn't bother opening my eyes to respond to her, "If you so much as begin to call him... I will have my lawyers on your ass so fast you will be looking for a new job by morning."

She didn't respond, so I assumed she left the room. I could hear my mother whispering to Alice, about what? I wasn't sure. I hoped she wasn't up to one of her little fucked up plans. She still had these big hopes and dreams for me. When Edward and I dated, she had wanted me to marry him so badly. My parents absolutely adored him and thought he was the most wonderful man in the world. They still do, especially since he's the one who knocked me up. They don't know all of the shit he's put me through. All of the shit we've put each other through. And even if they did, I doubt it would make a difference in their opinions. My mom thinks our children would be beautiful and always dotes on how polite and well mannered he is. And my dad, Edward talks business with him and they also drink brandy together in the study like we are trapped in the 17th fucking century. Speaking of my father, what a piece of work. He's in the waiting room, refusing to be in here with the rest of us because "it just isn't proper". Though I am not yet giving birth or anything, but that's his logic for you.

I opened my eyes when I felt another needle prick in my arm. Daisy was back, and hooking me up to an I.V. with the contraction inducing medication. I didn't look at her, or speak to her. I was too lost in my own thoughts. I had wanted this baby out of me so damn bad, and now that are was going to happen... tonight. I wasn't excited or restless anymore.

I was absolutely terrified.

****

I blinked back tears and held my breath, just praying to every God out there that his pain would pass soon. It was a little after midnight and my contractions were almost two minutes long and three minutes apart, but I was probably way over reacting because when you are in this much pain, you tend to blow things out of proportion. In other news, I was only dilated to a 5, which means I wasn't a full 10, which means the baby wasn't ready to come out yet. My cervix wasn't soft enough. Which means this hell that I am in has to last longer?

Another pain. I bit my lip hard, letting the copper taste of blood fill my mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to push all the negative thoughts away. I was in so much pain and yet, I wanted Edward badly. I missed him, I needed him. I wanted him to hold me, tell me I was going to be okay.

I hated him for doing this to me.

Not getting me pregnant, but making me feel this way. Hating him and loving him at the same time. How could he do this to me! How could he just take me and make me love him and then abandon me. Only to return years later and make me fall in love all over again. I thought I was over him. I thought we were done. But no, he has to work his magic fingers... and other magic body parts... and now I'm here in the hospital about to give birth to his child and he isn't even here. I do want him here, but there is no way in hell I'm going to tell anyone that. It's better if he doesn't know; I don't need things more complicated than they already are.

I take a rubber band from Alice and put my hair up into some sloppy half-assed bun on my head, and brush my bangs from my sweaty forehead. I had no idea how I was going to survive this. I was in so much pain... physically and mentally. On top of that... I was bringing a child, my son, into this horrible fucked up mess. Edward and I have one twisted ass relationship. Completely and utterly fucked to the core and now we were going to bring a baby into the middle of it. Damn, we are so fucking fucked.

I close my eyes as another pain hits me. I can feel myself crying, but I don't try to wipe away the tears. What for? It isn't going to stop them from falling. I can hear my mom cooing over me, telling me it will be alright. I didn't brush her off for once. It's not the contractions that is making me cry, it's just... everything else. I have the world weighing down on my shoulders and I'm doing this all alone. I know I could say the word and he would be here, but I'm too damn stubborn to give in. I wonder what he will say when he finds out I had the baby without him here...

"So Bella, have you decided on a name?" Alice asked, trying to relax me.

"Yes, but I'm not telling. It's a surprise until he's born." I grunted as my mother placed a cool washcloth on my forehead.

"But I mean last name," Alice said quietly, "I mean is the baby going to be Swan? Masen? Swan-Masen?"

I barely opened my eyes, "I'm not as much of a bitch as you think. I would never deny him paternity of my son. Our son. His last name will be Masen. Not Swan and I hate the sound of Swan-Masen."

"Yes, that would be weird. My last name Masen, your last name Masen, and our sons last name Swan-Masen."

My narrowed eyes darted to the door where Edward was leaning against the frame. He looked disheveled like he rushed here, but casually cools at the same time. I turned to glare at Alice and my mother. Alice's eyes were downward, while my mother's were bright and cheery and seemed to have lit up when Edward arrived.

I turned my attention back to Edward, "What are you doing here?"

He smirked, "I came to see my wife give birth to our first born."

"I am not your wife." I gowned out.

"Yet. But believe me, you will be. You've loved me for years, been in love with me for as long as you remember and don't think I haven't returned those feelings. I've been in love with you since we were kids and I knew back then I would marry you and I still plan to."

His smugness was too much for me. It's the words that every girl longs to hear. Being loved by Edward Masen. But of course, his delivery is all wrong. Making it sound like he won some sort of bet. I rolled my eyes; he was never good with expressing his feelings.

"Get out."

"No."

"I don't want you here."

"Don't lie to yourself."

"I'm not going to marry you."

"Yes, you are. If I have to, I will get a fucking priest in here now to marry us. You will be my wife and you have no say in that."

I glared at him, "Wow. Such words of love."

He grinned at my sarcastic tone, "I love how even while you are going through one of the most painful experiences imaginable, you still don't lose your edge."

"You'll never be faithful." I whispered.

"Give me a chance." He said quietly and grabbed my left hand. I didn't look at him, I couldn't. I was in love with a selfish, conceited, over-indulgent asshole... but I didn't want anyone else. I felt him slip something on my finger... probably a ring, because what else can you slip on fingers? I looked down and my eyes widened. On my finger was a gorgeous 5 carat flawless, round brilliant cut diamond surrounded by smaller princess cut diamonds on a platinum band. It was breathtaking.

I looked into his eyes, "Don't fuck with me."

He smiled, "I'm not, and I want you to marry me."

I shook my head and looked down. I could feel my eyes watering, "I'm not some fucking toy you can play with."

He stroked my cheek, "Look at me. I love you Isabella Swan and I want you to marry me."

I felt a tear escape my eye and trail down my cheek. I bit my lip in contemplation and with the fact that the contractions were becoming harder. "How do me... How do I know you won't abandon me again? How do I know you won't continue to fuck half of New York?"

"Trust me." He said the words with such confidence, it made me almost want to believe him. Deep down we both knew the truth though... he seriously can't help his philandering ways and I can't help, but be desperately in love with him.

I grabbed his collar and brought his face close to mine. In a sultry voice I whispered, "Get me a nurse. I need an epidural."

He blinked a few times, registering what I was saying and then shook his head smiling. He stood up and made his way towards the door and winked at me, before leaving to get a nurse. I blew out a sigh of relief and rubbed my eyes. So I guess I was going to marry the Edward Masen...

My god, what have I done?

****

"I feel pressure." I mumbled in my exhausted state. They gave me an epidural and I was completely numb, the horrible contraction pains were gone and I just wanted to sleep. But there was the whole ordeal with a baby about to come out of me. Edward immediately jumped out of his seat, spilling some coffee on his shirt and rushed to get the nurse. I had no idea why he rushed, it's not like I was in pain now, but I suppose he is excited... it is his baby too.

"Spread your legs hinny so I can check you." Daisy, the bitch nurse that barely has time to look at me because she is so busy making eyes at Edward, tells me. I complied, too exhausted to argue. I had to give Edward credit; since he's been here he hasn't made eyes at any of the numerous hospital staff that has come to parade themselves around him. Infect, at the moment I can hear him arguing on his cell phone with Carlisle about... nannies? I can hear him talking about the best ones and he doesn't care if they have to be flown out from England. Hah... look at him, getting into protective daddy mode.

"Oh, I better get the doctor. You are crowning." My eyes instantly widened and I could feel my heart start beating faster. Oh my god, the moment of truth was here... the baby was ready. I saw Edward stare at me, then between my legs, then back at me and drop the phone. He immediately latched onto my hand and stared into my eyes.

"I know you're scared Bella, but it'll be okay. You can do this. I'm here for you, always." His words comforted me more than I thought they would. Doctor Morgan came in with her gloves and a face mask on. My legs were spread wider and two nurses came in to hold up my knees. Daisy came in also and put an oxygen mask on my face. It was supposed to help me, but was more of a hindrance than anything else. Edward held my hand tightly as the Doctor told me to push and count to ten.

It was insane really. Holding your breath and pushing while they counted to ten, when their version of ten was really like forty. I saw the doctor get ready to cut me open and I averted my eyes. Edward never took his eyes off my face and held my hand so tightly. I could feel the love radiating off of him in waves. It was a special moment, just for us and I was so unbelievably happy.

"Just one more push Bella." Doctor Morgan said and I complied, pushing with the last of my energy. I had no idea how women do this, I was completely numb to the pain and I was still exhausted just from pushing. Finally with a cry, he was brought out of me and layer on my stomach, covered with blood and small amounts of white stuff. The smell alone was nauseating, but I felt myself grinning at the terrified look on Edward's face when they gave him the scissors to cut the cord.

As soon as he cut it, they whisked the baby away to have him cleaned. Edward leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips, "You are amazing." I smiled at him, as I watched the Doctor sew me up. I was damn thankful she cut me, cause there was no way that baby's head was gonna fit outta there on its own. I rolled over so the nurse could pull the epidural needle out of my back and almost immediately felt the pain come back. I was going to be so fucking sore for days. I layer my head back against the pillow and felt a cool washcloth be placed on my forehead.

"We have a son." I heard Edward whisper, probably more to himself than me. I cracked an eye open and smiled at him. The nurse brought our son back to me, wrapped in a green and white blanket. She placed him in my arms and I gasped. Fuzzy bronze hair and piercing green eyes... a clone of Edward Masen. I glanced at Edward and smiled at his show of obvious pride that the child looks like an exact replica of him. He gently rubbed the baby's head and smiled at me.

"Well I guess I have the dominant genes. It looks like all you did was carrying him around for nine months, not really doing much else, eh?"

If I had the strength, I would have hit him. Instead, I glared at him as the nurses helped my part way out of the hospital gown so I could place the baby to my breast. He immediately latched on and started sucking for all he was worth. Although rather uncomfortable, it wasn't as painful as I first thought it would be.

"So, thought of a name?" Edward asked while playing with my hair and watching the baby eat. I locked eyes with him and nodded, "Yes, I think I have decided on a name for him." Edward just watched me and waited for a response.

I smiled, "Tristan Michael Masen."


	18. A New Beginning

**A New Beginning **

I kissed Tristan on his fuzzy little head and bounced him softly on my knee. I can't believe it's been three months since he was born. He is the most amazing little thing and I am still in awe that I created him, well, mostly. Edward had little to do with creating him besides depositing his seed. I carried him around for 40 weeks, well almost the full 40 weeks. I was induced a little bit early. Anyways, the point is.. I think he's more mine than Edward's. Yes, he looks almost nothing like me and I have a nagging feeling that as he grows he is going to be a walking, talking replica of his father, but he's mine dam nit and I never thought I could feel so much love for something I haven't known for very long.

He's the perfect little angel. Sleeping through the night completely, not fussy or whiny. A dream really. My mother keeps pressuring me to get a nanny to take care of him at night, but I don't want to do that. He's really no trouble at all. Everything is wonderful with Tristan. With Edward, it's another story all together.

Three months. Three long months since Tristan has been born. Edward and I have barely spoken, he's always 'away on business' or just plainly "away from me" as much as possible. Right after I had Tristan, Dr. Morgan told me no sex for at least six weeks. Six long weeks without Edward inside me, making passionate love to me. It's been more like twelve weeks. He is never at the home he had built for us, and when he is.. he _conveniently_ falls asleep in his office or just plainly sleeps in one of the guest rooms.

I doubt it's my body he finds unappealing. I have lost all the baby weight from my pregnancy, and because I'm breastfeeding, my chest size has grown from 34 C to 36 D. But maybe, I am not what he wants. Maybe because I love him and I gave in to his demands of marrying, he isn't interested anymore. Maybe he just loves the chase and nothing else.

"The Elvis Syndrome!" I almost yelled. Alice turned around and stared at me, still in the process of putting on her white thigh high stockings.

"What are you talking about?"

I sighed and blew a few strands of loose hair out of my eyes, "The Elvis Syndrome. You know, after Elvis married Priscilla, and she had little baby Lisa Marie... he never had sex with her again. Because she had his baby, he found her unattractive. I wonder if Edward has it. Since Tristan has been born he hasn't touched me and we barely talk. He's always away on business, probably sleeping with some of his whore bitches."

"Don't say that.." Alice said and looked herself over in the mirror.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say whore bitches? I meant loose lady friends who are rude and vile to those of the same sex."

Alice rolled her eyes and pulled on her gown. Today was Alice and Jasper's wedding. Alice looked absolutely stunning in a Vera Wang lacy, form-fitting dress. It wasn't my personal style and I was a little shocked to find out that Alice liked things so.. frilly, but it's her wedding, whatever makes her happy. I was the maid of honor, and I was going to be wearing a midnight blue backless, vintage Valentino dress. It's very tight and hugs all my curves and looks stunning on me. The bottom of the dress pooled out at my feet. Goegeous. Not that it matters at the moment. I, of course, was still lounging about in my underwear, refusing to put on the dress until the last minute because if I know Tristan, as soon as I put it on, he will take that moment to either spit up or pee on me.

Not that I minded so much, I couldn't ever get mad at him.. I adore him.

I was going to see Edward today because he was Jasper's best man. The wedding and reception would probably be the most time we've spent together in months. I decided I was going to confront him. If he doesn't want to marry me then fine, but he shouldn't avoid his own son. I'm so completely sick of his hot/cold bullshit that I'm at the end of my rope.

"Where's my nephew?" Angela barged into the room without knocking. I rolled my eyes and handed Tristan over to her open arms.

"Ang how is it possible that you can get into locked hotel room doors?"

She shrugged and kissed Tristan on the nose, "I just have a knack for it. I'm keeping him for the weekend. You need to spend some time with your man!" She winked at me.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, okay."

"Help me with this tiara." The struggling Alice pleaded, it looked like she got some of her gorgeous hair caught around it. I went over to her and helped her with it as Angela left the room with a gurgling Tristan.

The wedding was being held in the gardens of the Cullen Hotel. Carlisle offered, since he was basically like an uncle to Alice, and he gave us a bunch of suites to prepare in. We were in one of the "honeymoon" suites, and it was done up in an array of mauves and beiges. Normally, Alice detested those types of colors, but it seems nothing could get her down today. Which was good. She should be happy and if I do say so myself, Jasper is a fine starter husband.

****

"Do you take Alice Brandon to be your lawful wedded wife. In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in the good times and the bad, until death do you part?"

"I do."

I tried to block out the rest of the droning of the priest, my mind was elsewhere. Edward was staring at me, I could feel his gaze on me through his dark glasses. I refused to acknowledge him. Why should I? I have to admit he looked magnificent in his tux and black sunglasses. His body muscle was well defined through the jacket, and, my god, did I just want him to take me right here in front of everyone. It was insane really, how "boy-crazy" one girl could be... although I consider myself more "man-crazy" and just for one man in particular.. Edward Masen.

I was snapped out of my inner musings by the fact that I was supposed to be walking down the aisle trailing behind Alice and Jasper, who were now officially married and heading towards the reception. I followed, a little dazed, and put on my fake, dazzling smile for the crowd. I spotted my mother and father, both cooing over Tristan. I swear, I think they wished that Angela and I were boys. I felt a tug on my arm and looked to my left to see Edward, still with his infamous black shades on, smiling that devilish smile.

"Smile for the cameras, baby."

I jabbed him hard, not hard enough for my tastes, in the ribs and smiled widely at the cameras. I heard him inhale sharply, and I knew I might have hurt him. Good. I sped up a little, trying to get away from him, but to no avail. His long legs easily kept up with me.

"We need to talk." His voice held authority with no room for objection.

Complete turn on.

I ignored him and kept walking, trying to get my mind off of him and how good he looked, and smelt, and felt by my side. I swear Edward Masen makes me turn into some little nympho. I was never a big fan of blowjobs or anything like that, but for some reason.. even the thought of blowing Edward gets me all wet and excited. I mentally shook my head to clear my thoughts of such dirty, nasty things, but part of me didn't want to.

"Isabella, I said we need to talk."

His voice was more forceful than before and I felt myself getting wetter by the second. He never used my full name unless he meant business. I absolutely loved it when he was demanding. I turned to him and gave him the best glare I could muster.

"Edward, I don't know what you are talking about, but I think it's best if we refrain from making a scene at your cousin's, my best friend's, wedding."

He grabbed my arm and pulled me aside, away from the crowds and cameras. He started walking at a brisk pace, dragging me alongside him. I had to pull up and hold the bottom of my dress to refrain from tripping and falling into him.

"Can you slow down?" I asked without looking at him, still trying to gather the bottom of my dress. He pushed me into the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor. I rolled my eyes at him and brushed imaginary lint from my dress. I was brushing out imaginary wrinkles when the elevator stopped. I looked up expecting the doors to be open, but instead I saw that the emergency stop button was lit up and we were in between the 39th and 40th floor.

"What are you doing?" I asked, glaring at him and trying not to notice how unbelievably sexy he looked leaning against the mirrored walls of the elevator.

"We're going to talk."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, waiting for him to continue his little speech of whatever he was going to say. I held the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. Whatever he was going to say couldn't be that bad right? I had it pretty much figured that he didn't want me anymore, so I wasn't going to cry. After a long, uncomfortable silence, I opened my eyes and looked at him. His glasses were off now and his bright green eyes were fucking gorgeous.

I bit my lip and looked down, fiddling with my engagement ring.

"Look, Edward it's okay. I know you've changed your mind. I know you don't want to be with me or marry me or whatever and it's alright. You don't have to stay with me.." Before I could finish, his lips were on mine, his tongue licking and nipping at them. I, in turn, responded with something akin to fervor, sucking on his lips.. tasting the very essence of Edward Masen.

My God was I so madly in love with him! Just being near him gives me butterflies, but kissing him.. loving him. Two words... fucking amazing. Yes, he can be a complete asshole more times than not. Yes, he is also a womanizer who probably could never be faithful. Yes, he is demanding and controlling. But I love the son of a bitch. I love him so much that I failed to realize when he took off my dress.

I snapped back to reality when he licked my collarbone and nudged my legs open with his knee. He was completely intoxicating and I have no idea how I was still standing.

"Bella, you're so stupid.." He murmured between nips and kisses against my braless chest, "I'm fucking crazy about you. I can't stop thinking about you for a moment."

I couldn't stop the moan that escaped me at his words. He always knew the perfect thing to say, it was part of the reason he was such a brilliant negotiator and businessman. I pulled and tugged at his bow tie, his jacket had come off sometime before I even realized what was happening. Impatiently I ripped open his shirt, popping a few buttons along the way and exposed his finely chiseled chest to my view.

His body is absolutely magnificent and I know I will never tire of it. His soft kisses over my heated skin were driving me mad. I leaned my head back against the cool elevator mirror and closed my eyes.

"Do you love me?" I asked quietly, almost not realizing that I even said it out loud. I immediately opened my eyes wide, preparing to apologize.

He pulled back from the torture he was bestowing on me and stared into my eyes. His gorgeous crystal green orbs were so dazzling. To this day, I have never seen another person with a shade of blue that radiant. He grabbed my left hand and held it up to my eye level, so we both could see my glittering engagement ring.

"Of course I love you. I'm not a commitment person and I'm completely and fully committed to you. You are mine and I am yours. We have a baby, we made Tristan and nothing makes me happier than to know that you are the mother of my child. I fucking worship you."

We wasted no time in kissing passionately. My hands around his neck. His fingers in my hair. Our bodies impossibly close together. Before long, we were both divested of the remaining clothing we had on. With ease he hoisted me up, wrapping my legs around his hips, and slid himself inside me. We both shivered in pleasure from the initial contact and I bit my lip to keep myself from Cumming too soon.

"God Damn Bella, you feel fucking incredible." He breathed into my hair. My eyes were closed tightly, savoring the very feeling of having him. Our bodies slowly melted together in a slow, seductive pace. Fast enough to feel amazing, but slow enough not to cum too fast. I kissed at his shoulder, grinding myself against him so hard I was literally shaking.

Soon enough, we picked up the pace. We were both thrusting and pushing against each other with enough force to cause the elevator to shake slightly. The room was filled with my moans and his grunts, each of us trying to reach our peak together. I could feel his arms trembling as they held me up, our body's slick with sweat.

"I'm so close. Oh, fuck I'm close." I breathed against his neck. I felt his grip on me tighten and I thrust my head back as a ripple of pleasure coursed through me. I could feel it. So close I could almost taste it. I felt his hot breath on my shoulder. He kissed me sweetly there before biting down hard. I cried out from the immense pain and incredible pleasure it was causing me. One last violent thrust inside me and we both came. I was clawing at his back, gasping for air as I screamed out his name. His body was quivering as he was still biting my shoulder, drawing a small amount of blood.

I was still trying to catch my breath when he slowly slid out of me. He didn't put me down though, just held my body tightly against his. He placed a soft kiss on my brow before resting his forehead against mine. "I love you."

I smiled at his confession. We were both exhausted from our violent "lovemaking", although I prefer to call it a good old fashioned fuck. I glanced behind him at the mirrored elevator doors and giggled. I had the perfect view of his ass. We were both sticky and covered in sweat, but I didn't care. The moment was perfect, he was perfect. His next words made my entire night..

"Let's get married next month."


	19. Nightmares

**Nightmares**

I stared at the full wine glass in front of me with contempt. My mother knows I'm not drinking because I'm breastfeeding Tristan, but here she is waving it in front of me like some sort of flag. I'm not really a wine person, but at the moment I needed a drink desperately. It was the wedding rehearsal dinner and tomorrow I was getting married to the one and only Edward Masen. I could hear my mother and the planner going on and on over the right shade of silver and I could feel myself starting to sweat. I was already nervous about tomorrow and their incessant talking was driving me insane.

I blinked my eyes a few times and glanced at Edward, who was sitting next to me. He was laughing and joking with Emmet, who is his best man, and I couldn't help, but smile. Edward's laugh lit up my world, his smile, his eyes, everything about him being happy made me happy. I placed my hand on his knee, and he turned to look at me with questions in his eyes. I just smiled and squeezed his knee, telling him to finish his conversation with Emmet.

"Hey, what's going on with your sister?"

I snapped my attention to Alice who was at my other side, sipping her wine. I followed her gaze and noticed that Angela was acting kind of weird. She looked almost depressed or something. Next to her was Jacob, staring at me out of the corner of his eyes. I rolled my eyes at him, making sure he saw it, and looked over at my father and Carlisle, who were talking, with Tristan on Carlisle's lap.

It's rather funny how much of a _grandpa_ Carlisle has become since Tristan was born. Yes, Carlisle is only in his forties, but he wants Tristan to call him 'grandpa' or 'grumpy' or something like that. I almost laughed at the thought of Tristan calling Carlisle "grumpy" it sounded way too old and funky for the rich, handsome billionaire.

I glanced at Edward's Rolex. It was already very late in the evening. I just wanted this night to be over. All the fussing over this wedding was literally making me sick to my stomach. Is it natural for a bride to be sick like this? I looked at Alice, who still seemed to be intrigued over Angela's obvious distress. I nudged her and her eyes snapped to mine.

"Am I supposed to be this sick?" I whispered.

Alice stared at me blankly for a few moments before she shook her head slowly. "I don't think so. Maybe you are coming down with the flu? I mean you love him so you shouldn't be sick, you should be happy and cheerful and way too excited."

I nodded my head thoughtfully and almost sighed with relief when my mother finally announced the damn rehearsal dinner was over. I was glad it was over, but also a little depressed about it. My mother had the bright idea to keep Edward and I separated until we were officially husband and wife. Therefore, he slept at his penthouse and I slept at my parent's mansion, while my mother, as part of our wedding gift, is having our house completely redecorated.

One of my aunts took Tristan from Carlisle and decided she was going to keep him for the night. I didn't mind at all, considering the fact that I felt like I was about to vomit up a lung. I pressed my hand to my forehead and closed my eyes for a moment.

"Are you alright? You look kind of pale..." Edward's concerned voice trailed off as I grabbed his arm to steady myself. I was so damn dizzy all of a sudden. I just nodded my head and swallowed the bile that rose in my throat, hoping he wouldn't ask any more questions and just take me home.

****

"Are you feeling better?" Alice asked as she fixed her bright green colored bridesmaid gown. I thought we picked out the emerald green ones... oh well.

I smiled and nodded my head enthusiastically, "I've never been better." She gave me a skeptical look, but didn't question any further.

"My god, you look gorgeous!" My mother gushed. I looked myself over in the mirror. This dress was different than the one I remember buying. I didn't really care for it, it was rather plain, but nothing could get me down today. I was marrying Edward Masen! I just nodded my head and grinned. I didn't even really mind when my makeup artist put bright pink lipstick on me. Alice made a face, but didn't comment.

"You ready?" Came my father's voice from the other side of the door. My mother answered for me and rushed herself and Alice out of the room. I followed slowly behind them to the main hall of the cathedral. Cathedral? Was I seriously that delusional? I could have swore we were getting married at New York's Botanical Gardens. Well, it didn't matter anyways... I was marrying the love of my life and all was right with the world.

I plastered a bright smile on my face as the chapel doors opened and the bridal march began playing. Everyone was standing and the cathedral looked absolutely beautiful. There were lavender roses everywhere and silver ribbons were adorning the walls. I looked at the trail of calla lilies that were leading up to my husband to be. Edward looked so handsome in his navy blue pinstriped suit. What the hell was going on! Pinstriped suit! He was supposed to be wearing a tux. My fucking mother must have switched everything around. She's so damn weird!

I kept the smile on my face and made my way slowly down the aisle, my arm wrapped around my fathers. Wow, what a dream come true. Edward smiled at me and it was beautiful. His delicious dimples. Ash, God I'm so in love!

As I reached Edward and we turned to face the minister, minutes passed in a haze. I could barely hear the minister's voice as I stared at Edward's gorgeous face. I was so lost in every smooth line on his face I didn't even realized I was asked a question until Alice nudged me.

I smiled apologetically, "I do."

I heard Edward's deep baritone voice repeat my own statement and then we exchanged rings. My god it was a glorious feeling. We were almost officially married, all that needed to be said was 'you may kiss the bride.' I waited and then the minister mentioned something about objecting. It clicked and I opened my eyes wide... expecting to hear the whiny, bitchy objection of Tanya.

"I OBJECT!"

Instead, two voices were heard. Edward and I both whipped around and stared into the packed cathedral. Jacob was standing and waving his hands frantically. I rolled my eyes, "Sit your ass down Jacob. I don't love you. I'm not marrying you." I turned to look at the other person and was shocked.

"Ang?" I asked uncertainly. But she didn't even look at me. She was staring at Edward with something so deep and passionate in her eyes that it was like she could see no other, but him. I knew that look. I've looked at Edward like that millions of times.

She was in love with him.

Angela slowly started walking down the aisle towards Edward, who was giving me a pleading look. She stopped about five feet away from us and finally looked at me. Her eyes were glistening with tears and her bottom lip was quivering.

"Bella, I love him. You can't... you can't marry him..."

There was an audible gasp from the guests and I wanted to roll my eyes, but refrained. I studied Angela for a few minutes, while she stared lovingly at Edward... who in turn was looking anywhere, but her. I tried to think of all their past interactions. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She always seemed indifferent to him. Why was he avoiding her stare? What was going on? And then, it clicked...

"YOU BITCH!" I screamed and lunged at Angela. Edward barely caught me in time and held me by the waist as Angela back up fearfully. "HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU SLEEP WITH HIM?"

I barely register another gasp from the guests and continued trying to grab Angela. "I'm sorry..." She whispered and I screamed again.

"You're sorry! I asked incredulously, "You fucked my fiancé and now you don't want me to marry him? You want him for yourself!" I pulled off my tiara and threw it at her, successfully hitting her in the stomach.

"Calm down." I heard Edward's smooth voice try to sooth me. I elbowed him in the stomach with all my strength. I backed away from him and pointed my finger. "You! YOU FUCKING PRICK! You can never keep it in your pants!" I pulled my rings off and threw them at him. "GO TO HELL EDWARD MASEN. THE CLOSEST YOU WILL EVER GET TO ME IS MARRYING HER!" I pointed towards Angela.

"I never want to see either of you again." I whispered and then quickly dashed out of the cathedral.

I shot up in my bed and stared at the clock. 2:15 a.m. It was a dream.

"Thank god." I heard myself whisper and wiped the cold sweat from my forehead. I took a few deep breaths and waited for my heart to stop pounding. I looked down at my hands, which were twisted in the sheets. They were shaking. I was shaking. I took another deep breath and got out of bed. I need to see Edward. Now.

****

I banged on the door as hard as I could. Nothing. It was times like these that I was glad Edward passed, and then I heard footsteps and the locks being undone on the door. He opened it, looking about ready to kill whoever woke him up until he saw me. I saw his eyes soften and he almost smiled, until he realized the state I was in.

My hair was a mess, my nightgown was disheveled, my robe was open, and I only had on one slipper. I'm sure I was the most unclasp thing he had ever seen, but I didn't care.

"Bella... What's...?" I didn't let him finish before I launched myself into his arms. I needed him more than anything. He held me to him, stroking my hair.

"Are you okay?"

Was I okay? How do you define 'okay'? I'm not sure if I even knew what 'okay' meant anymore. In a few hours, we would be married and I was scared. What if he never could stay faithful? What if he would always be having affairs and everything? It's not uncommon in New York's high society. In fact, it was almost expected, but I didn't want that. I didn't want him coming home smelling like another woman's perfume. I didn't want to know that he was in another woman's bed. I didn't want that at all.

I left soft kisses on his bare chest, "Tell me I'm the only one."

He seemed puzzled, "What are you..."

"Please Edward," I begged, my voice coming out higher than I wanted it to. I could already feel the tears in my eyes, "Please tell me I'm the only one. Tell me there will never be another."

"Baby," He placed his hands on my shoulders and leaned down so we were eye level, "Of course you are the only one. You will always be the only one. I love you. I worship you."

His eyes were so sincere and I could feel the love radiating from him. I felt a few tears slip from my eyes and I tried to blink the rest away. I felt his thumb graze over my cheek and he smiled at me. I glanced down and then back to his eyes and my breath caught in my throat as his eyes darkened. His eyes were always so gorgeous and now with their emerald hue, the passion and desire burning bright in his eyes, I couldn't help myself.

I kissed him.

It was a soft, exploring kiss at first. Our tongues barely brushing each other. His hands staying on my shoulders in a comforting manner. I could feel his control was slipping and I wanted it to. I needed his touch. I needed him all over me, inside me. I needed him to love me.

I let my shaking fingers slip down his chest to the rim of his silk pajama pants. That was all it took. Our kisses turned fiery and much more demanding. Before long, my robe was discarded and the straps of my flimsy camisole were pulled down. I felt his hand shake up my back and wrap itself into my hair. He yanked my hair back, exposing my neck to him and left hot open-mouthed kisses along it. I couldn't help the throaty moan that escaped me.

I pulled at his pants and they slipped down easily enough, boxers included. His mouth was on mine in an instant, our tongues in a raging battle, our lips soft and wet with our passion. He broke the kiss to slip off the rest of my camisole and then we were both naked. His hands were roaming all over my body. His touch was hot and his hands were rough. I could feel my wetness trickle down my thighs in anticipation of him having his way with me.

Without warning I was on my back, my legs spread, exposed to his view. He was kissing along my inner thighs, whispering words of love. My mind was in a haze. I loved the way he teased me. Coming so close to making love to me with his mouth, but never quite touching me. It was exquisite torture. I let my hands trail over my breasts and soon I was tweaking and pinching my own nipples. I felt his hot breath on my pussy and I couldn't help but tremble when he gave me my first slow lick.

"Moan for me baby." His whispered words were hot breaths over me, causing me to shudder uncontrollably. I moaned and trusted up against his mouth, but he pulled away. Teasing me. I hated when he did that, but I knew the end result would be most pleasurable. I bit my lip hard, trying not to beg for completion, but when he inserted his finger into me I couldn't handle any more.

"Fuck me Edward, Please!" My voice was hoarse from moaning and I had tears of frustration in my eyes. He kissed my stomach and then settled himself between my legs, softly rubbing his cock along my wet slit. I arched up against him, hoping he would slip inside me, but he refrained. I slid my hands up his arms and held onto his biceps, pulling him down as I arched up. He successfully slipped inside me and we both moaned at the contact.

"By God, you feel fucking amazing."

I was too lost in the pleasure to respond with words. Our thrusting and moaning, was becoming frenzied and I had the faint feeling I was going to have a rug burn on my back in the morning. I was so close that I was shaking uncontrollably. Edward noticed because he thrust into me with such force that I knew I would bruise, but it was exactly what I needed. I exploded with such dizzying intensity that I thought I would pass out. I hit him hard on his shoulder and I felt him tense, before releasing himself inside of me.

He collapsed onto of me and layer there for awhile. I was trying to catch my breath and soon I felt him fall asleep on me. I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair. I loved the bastard more than I should. I was going to marry him in a few hours. I was worried and scared that he would betray me, throw me aside as soon as the next pretty thing came along. He said he worships me. He said he loves me.

I was marrying Edward Masen and that thought alone scared me more than anything else imaginable.


	20. Happily Ever After

**Happily Ever After**

I pushed the plate with the grapefruit on it away from me. I was in no mood to eat this morning. I would be married this afternoon and at the moment my stomach was churning. My mother planned this stupid "Bridesmaids Brunch" bullshit and I was expected to be there, the blushing bride to be, with a brilliant smile on my face.

I left Edward's place early in the morning, before it was even light outside. I needed to think, and God forbid my darling mother found out about my late night escapade to his place and immediately onto his soft, silk sheets.

"This is so exciting. Whatever made you decide to choose New York's Botanical Gardens?"

I gave Alice a look that said 'Are you seriously asking me this when I feel so horrible at the moment?' I ignored her question and took a sip of water. Alice smirked and asked again, a little louder to ensure my mother heard.

"Bella chose the botanical gardens because of the beautiful serene atmosphere and the way all the flowers and plants will sparkle in the glowing sunset." Everyone 'oohed' and 'awed' at my mother's response. I rolled my eyes.

"Thank you for answering for me." I muttered. I glanced at Angela who was eyeing one of the waiters. He was an eye catcher, but I was never really into blondes. I like my men tall, dark, and dangerous. I looked around the rest of the room, which was filled with cousins and friends I haven't seen since junior high/ high school. My mother was really taking this wedding thing overboard.

I finished the rest of my water and stood from my seat.

"Honey, where are you going?"

I looked at my mother and tried not to roll my eyes, "Well, you see. I am not feeling too well and I figured I should rest before the ceremony."

"But the ceremony isn't until sunset. You still have a good six hours." I ignored my cousin Leah and told my mother, "I would prefer not to vomit all over myself during the ceremony and embarrass our family." With that witty remark, I was immediately escorted to my room and told to lie down and rest.

****

The hours seemed to sweep by so quickly and before I knew it, there was only two hours until the ceremony. I had an unbelievably horrible migraine and I felt so completely sick to my stomach. I winced as the hairdresser brushed my hair, they could be so rough sometimes. I looked at Alice and she smiled and winked at me.

The dress we picked out for the bridesmaids were a lovely pale gold color, almost that of wine or champagne. There were formfitting, with a crises cross ribbon stringed style backing. There was a long slit up the back to allow for them to walk. The dresses were really lovely. Since Alice was my matron of honor, being she's married now and all, her dress was in the same style, but a lovely emerald green color. That shade of green really is beautiful for her complexion.

I glanced over at my dress that was lying out on the bed. It was a gorgeous ivory color. It was a strapless, corset style gown with a long slit up to mid thigh. It had intricate beading with tiny crystals throughout the chest area. It shimmered in the light and was positively breathtaking.

"Here are the diamonds." My mother opened up a black silk cloth and inside were hundreds of flawless diamonds. I stared at them and then shook my head.

"I don't need them. My tiara has enough diamonds."

"Darling, you are practically royalty and you are marrying the prince of New York. The diamonds will look lovely." I just sighed and sat back in my chair. I knew I wasn't going to win this argument, and I was too tired to even try and put up a fight. I bit my lip when the silver, silk ribbons came out. Although I knew my hair would look gorgeous, I also knew it would be a painful look to achieve.

I made eye contact with Alice and tried to take my mind off of the pain to come. "Are you sure you can handle Tristan?"

Alice beamed at me and nodded enthusiastically, "Yes. Jazz and I are actually looking forward to it. We want to have our own baby soon and watching him for three weeks shouldn't be a problem." Yes, a three week honeymoon. I had almost forgotten. Three weeks with just Edward and myself and no worries in the world. We were to be leaving tonight, our plane leaves at 1:10 a.m. and we are headed to Rome. I almost yelped as the hairdresser tugged exceptionally hard on one strand of hair as she was sewing in the diamonds and ribbons.

I closed my eyes as eyeliner and glitter was applied to my face. I felt my hair being held up as a gorgeous, eight carat diamond necklace was being placed around my neck. It was family tradition. My grandmother wore it when she married my grandfather; and my mother wore it when she married my father. Now it was my turn. It was surprisingly lighter than it looked and felt cool to my heated skin.

I stood and made my way over to the bed. My mother was tending to my sister's dress when I was told to slip off my robe so I could have the gown put on. I shifted as one of the many stylists my mother insisted on being present slid on my white thigh highs. The lingerie I wore was specially made. It consisted of a white silk thong with special embroidery of "E.M." in diamonds and a matching garter. I didn't need to wear a bra with the gown and I know Edward wouldn't mind, so I didn't bother with the contraption.

I stepped into the gown and it was pulled up and all of the fifty plus buttons were buttoned. I had yet to look into the mirror because I was nervous. Would he like how I look? Would he think I was beautiful? I winced a bit as my mother jammed the diamond encrusted tiara on my head. I was almost regretting choosing the tiara over a veil. I have way too many diamonds on. I swear it's like I'm swimming in them. _Too_ many diamonds for my taste.

"You look beautiful!" My mother cried happily with tears in her eyes. I glanced at Alice who had a look of disbelief on her face.

"My god, you are beautiful. More beautiful than usual if that's possible." She sounded completely shocked.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes before turning to face the full length mirror. I wasn't sure if I was ready to see myself. I was worried that I wouldn't look good. I slowly opened my eyes and gasped at the sight before me. I looked more beautiful than I could ever remember. The dress was absolutely perfect on me and my make up was immaculate. A natural look with an exotic edge. My hair was down in thick, full curls with diamonds and ribbons laced throughout it. I looked like a princess. No, I looked like a queen.

If Edward didn't like me in this then he was gay. He would have to be. I made eye contact with Alice who was standing behind me in the mirror. Her eyes were glittering with unshed tears and I could tell she was truly happy for me. I smiled at her and felt my stomach drop as my elbow length white gloves were put on. It was almost time and I was more than a little nervous.

"Come on honey. We need to get you downstairs and into the waiting room before your father escorts you outside through the gardens." I nodded dumbly and followed everyone to the elevator. It was almost time. That thought kept repeating itself in my head. In a few moments my life would forever be bonded to his, not that it wasn't already.. we do have Tristan, but still.. it's a terrifying thought. I would belong to only one person for the rest of my life. Could I handle it? Yes, I know I could, but could he?

I found myself alone in the waiting room. I hadn't even realized we had come this far or the fact that everyone had left me alone. I was so absolutely terrified. I was nervous, scared, frustrated. I can't even begin to describe the other mix of emotions running through me. The thing that scared me most was that simple thought: Could he handle being with just one person?

I don't know. I don't know and I'm almost afraid to find out.

"Darling are you ready?" My father's voice came through the door. I mumbled a "yes." and quickly opened the door to face him.

"My little princess is all grown up." He smiled brilliantly. I could feel a lump in my throat. I just stared at my father, my daddy.

"You aren't disappointed in me are you daddy?" I asked him, my voice cracking.

My father looked at me with concern, "Bella why would I be anything, but proud of you?"

I stared at my father a moment before looking at the ground. "Because of everything that happened. Because of me practically breaking up Edward's engagement to Tanya. Because I had Tristan without being married. Because I feel like I let you down.." I was starting to mumble and I was desperately trying to hold back my tears. I felt like the world was weighing down on my shoulders. It was as if at any moment, I would collapse from an anxiety attack.

"Darling," My father's voice was gentle as he lifted my chin to look at him, "You are my baby, my princess. I love you and your sister more than anything in this world. Edward was never meant for Tanya, just as you were never meant for Jacob. You and Edward were born for each other. I knew when you first dated him all those years ago that he was the one for you. No one has made my little girl as happy as he has. And Tristan, he is the sunshine of my life. My little grandson made from the love of two people. Baby, you aren't a disappointment to me."

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He grabbed my arm and began escorting me towards the gardens where my life would forever be changed. I felt a little relief at my father's words, but I was still deathly nervous about this whole wedding thing. I was almost positive that Edward would change his mind at the last minute and refuse to marry me or not even be at the altar at all.

My father and I stood at the double doors that led out to the gardens. I could see the silver aisle laced with lavender roses. I could see the guests watching Alice, the last bridesmaid and my matron of honor, walking down the aisle. From what I could see of Edward, he was fidgeting, looking extremely nervous.

The doors were opening and I took a deep breath. I had never been so fucking terrified in my entire life.

The sunset was beautiful in the distance as all the guests stood as I made my grand entrance. I was so nervous. I could hear the gasps of the people and the whispers about how beautiful I looked. It made me almost want to smile. I refused to look at Edward, I was way too nervous and scared. It seemed like we were approaching the altar way too fast and I was tempted to slow down, but I know that would be frowned upon.

The next thing I knew, I was standing next to Edward facing the priest. I still had not looked at him, but I could feel his eyes on me. I prayed they weren't filled with contempt or thoughts of leaving me here. Edward held my gloved hand in his, lacing his fingers through mine. He squeezed my hand for comfort when I started shaking. It was slight, but still noticeable by him.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, We are gathered here today to join Edward Masen and Bella Swan in holy matrimony.." The priest began, but I looked past him and focused on the setting sun. My God, it was beautiful. All of the oranges and pinks of the sky combined to form this beautiful design. I was so enraptured in it, I completely missed most of priest's speech about faithfulness and marriage and yada yada. I was yanked out of my love fest with the sunset when I was abruptly turned to face Edward.

He is so damn beautiful.

His hair was left unruly and partially covering his sparkling green eyes. His facial expression was so confident and sure of himself, like he wasn't scared at all. His black on black tuxedo fit him like second skin and I knew I fell a little bit more in love with him in that moment. I was lost in his smell, his touch, and his eyes. His eyes that held so much love and respect for me.

"This is the time that you have chosen to become husband and wife. We are here not only to witness your commitment to each other, but to wish you every happiness in your future life together. Marriage is founded on sincerity and understanding which leads to tolerance, confidence and trust. We believe that those qualities which have attracted you both to each other, can be best developed during a life spent together. A happy marriage will enable you to establish a home with love and stability where your family and friends will always be welcome. Do you Bella Swan take Edward Masen as your lawfully wedded husband?"

My eyes never wavered from Edward's, "I do."

"And do you Edward Masen take Bella Swan as your lawfully wedded wife?" The priest's voice rang in my ears and I almost began trembling again in wait of his answer.

"My God, yes. I do."

His voice sounded so strong, but filled with emotion. I smiled brilliantly at him and he smiled back. I was lost in his eyes again. Those beautiful green pools of love. I never figured myself for being a sappy person, but I love this man so deeply it hurts. I vaguely heard the priest mention something about rings, but I was too captivated by the man in front of me to notice until he grabbed my hand and slipped off my glove. He slid a platinum band filled with diamonds that was bonded to my engagement ring onto my slender finger. It was amazing how the diamonds glittered in the glowing remains of the sun. I couldn't imagine how the diamonds in my hair shone. I slid a platinum band that was engraved on the inside with our names onto his finger. He smiled at me and it lit up my world.

We stared at each other as the priest continued to speak.

"A reading from Corinthians 1;13. Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited, it is never rude or selfish, and it does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's faults, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope. It is always ready to endure whatever comes. True love does not come to an end.

"You have declared before all of us that you will live together in marriage. You have made special promises to each other, which have been symbolized by the joining of hands, taking of vows and the giving and receiving of two rings. By the authority vested in me in New York City, I now pronounce you to be husband and wife. Now that the ceremony is over and the experience of living day by day is about to begin, go and meet it gladly. Embrace each other."

And we did. "Beautiful." Was all Edward breathed before he kissed me with such passion that I needed to lean against him for support. I was married to the most wonderful man in the world. Everything was going to be okay.

I was Mrs. Edward Masen and I was so desperately in love.


End file.
